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I lost my father last week

DJCandle

DJCandle

Well-Known Member
BGOL Investor
I didn’t wanna post about this but I finally have found the strength to write and writing like this helps me through.

Last week, I lost my father of 77 years to complications of the flu. This is without a doubt the largest pain I have ever felt to date. He was my best friend and my hero. He taught me everything I know and I can’t wait to pass this information down to my son. He passed away at home in his sleep so I am extremely grateful it was a peaceful passing and in my arms, not behind a hospital wall with doctors and nurses telling me I can only see him on FaceTime.

I find it very difficult to focus on much of anything and i’m lashing out in ways I normally wouldn’t. I don’t know what the coming days will bring, nor how to navigate this new normal, but I can only hope that time brings healing.

Please, if your parents are still here with you, no matter what discretions or disagreements you may have, acknowledge them and make peace while they are here. Life is too short to bicker and quarrel over anything.

Appreciate what you have before it’s gone and find the peace in your life.

I am actively seeking therapy and counseling but I wanted to share this because I see many are in mourning with what’s going on in the world and for many who are sharing and experiencing similar pain, we only have each other to lean on.
 
OmariAmaru

OmariAmaru

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
We got you, fam. As I said in another thread, we are our brother's keeper. One day at a time, brother. It seems like that hurt will never end, but I promise you, it will slowly subside. My mom's got up in age and developed dementia and a lot of age related illnesses. I couldn't handle seeing this strong, intelligent woman deteriorate into a childlike state, so I distanced myself from her. After she passed, I was hurt. Not only because she was gone, but that I didn't cherish the time that she was here. All the "I'm sorry" in the world couldn't change that. Nothing lives longer than regret and I have to carry that for the rest of my life. Be comforted the fact you enjoyed and were there with him until the end. Absolutely no regrets. My deepest sympathy
 
APOPHIS

APOPHIS

Autodidact / Polymath
Platinum Member
OmariAmaru said:
We got you, fam. As I said in another thread, we are our brother's keeper. One day at a time, brother. It seems like that hurt will never end, but I promise you, it will slowly subside. My mom's got up in age and developed dementia and a lot of age related illnesses. I couldn't handle seeing this strong, intelligent woman deteriorate into a childlike state, so I distanced myself from her. After she passed, I was hurt. Not only because she was gone, but that I didn't cherish the time that she was here. All the "I'm sorry" in the world couldn't change that. Nothing lives longer than regret and I have to carry that for the rest of my life. Be comforted the fact you enjoyed and were there with him until the end. Absolutely no regrets. My deepest sympathy
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Wow.
I've had nearly the exact same experience and feeling.
 
Mike In Bmore

Mike In Bmore

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
My condolences go out to you. There have been several local high profile people around my same age who have lost theirs mothers in the last couple of weeks. It's horrifying. I can't even imagine your pain.
 
John Million

John Million

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
DJCandle said:
I didn’t wanna post about this but I finally have found the strength to write and writing like this helps me through.

Last week, I lost my father of 77 years to complications of the flu. This is without a doubt the largest pain I have ever felt to date. He was my best friend and my hero. He taught me everything I know and I can’t wait to pass this information down to my son. He passed away at home in his sleep so I am extremely grateful it was a peaceful passing and in my arms, not behind a hospital wall with doctors and nurses telling me I can only see him on FaceTime.

I find it very difficult to focus on much of anything and i’m lashing out in ways I normally wouldn’t. I don’t know what the coming days will bring, nor how to navigate this new normal, but I can only hope that time brings healing.

Please, if your parents are still here with you, no matter what discretions or disagreements you may have, acknowledge them and make peace while they are here. Life is too short to bicker and quarrel over anything.

Appreciate what you have before it’s gone and find the peace in your life.

I am actively seeking therapy and counseling but I wanted to share this because I see many are in mourning with what’s going on in the world and for many who are sharing and experiencing similar pain, we only have each other to lean on.
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Rest in peace in your father. I lost mine on Black Friday. He was my best friend also. I was his primary care taker so it has been extremely difficult for me. Things get better and easier with time. Today am simply grateful to have had a great man as a father. Many don't have that luxury. Again condolences to you and your family. Take care of yourself and Be strong for your family.
 
DJCandle

DJCandle

Well-Known Member
BGOL Investor
John Million said:
Rest in peace in your father. I lost mine on Black Friday. He was my best friend also. I was his primary care taker so it has been extremely difficult for me. Things get better and easier with time. Today am simply grateful to have had a great man as a father. Many don't have that luxury. Again condolences to you and your family. Take care of yourself and Be strong for your family.
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Sorry for your loss too, fam. Your situation was similar to mine as I was my fathers primary caregiver for the last 15 years, so the routine of caring for him on a daily basis is what’s most difficult to adjust to. I’m so used to doing for him and now it’s all come to a halt. My conditioning and timing for meals, medications, bathing is all still in tact but without him now, it feels wrong and very unsettling. Trying to shake the feeling for my own sanity but also don’t want to because it feels like I’m leaving him behind.
 
DJCandle

DJCandle

Well-Known Member
BGOL Investor
Basetip said:
My deepest Sympathy and Condolences... from someone who has been through this as well...keep you head up and remember EVERYTHING you were taught...it's your turn to take over. You got this...
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Thank you. I will def remember it all.
HUNTSVEGAZ said:
celebrate your pop’s life.

It helped me after 20 years of being angry
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For sure. I hope you were able to find peace too.


Non-StopJFK2TAB said:
Your father isn’t gone. He will always be with you in your mind, heart, and soul. In the darkness of his physical absence, may the joyous memories illuminate your life.
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Thank you. I will keep this in my spirit going forward.


APOPHIS said:
Brothas on here have been really open on some heavy ish as of late.
I can dig it.

It sounds like you two had a special bond.
May his passing strengthen that bond as he now lives in your memory and in thru actions you choose to honor his life.
Be strong, brotha.
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I really wasn’t going to say anything but it’s all about taking that first step forward into the unknown. I hate it and don’t want to, but I know I have to for me and my familys sake.

But we really did have a strong bond. I know many aren’t privy to that so I have always felt blessed in that regard. I am eternally grateful for it.
 
kirkout

kirkout

DCPG
Registered
Sorry for your loss, bruv. I know it’s hard. My mother, who is still here with us, always says, I know how it feels to be on this earth without you…you don’t know how it will feel without me. That’s a hard statement and a hard truth. I pray that you remain strong and that you continue to make your Pop’s proud from above. One love.
 
blaze

blaze

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Condolences to you, Nigga! I had to keep it BGOL.

Real talk, I lost my dad almost 5 years ago suddenly. Like my mom waved bye to him at 5:00 and when she got back at 7:00, he was gone. It was tough, but each day it will get a little better. It will never be alright, but it will get better. Stay up, fam.
 
John Million

John Million

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
DJCandle said:
Sorry for your loss too, fam. Your situation was similar to mine as I was my fathers primary caregiver for the last 15 years, so the routine of caring for him on a daily basis is what’s most difficult to adjust to. I’m so used to doing for him and now it’s all come to a halt. My conditioning and timing for meals, medications, bathing is all still in tact but without him now, it feels wrong and very unsettling. Trying to shake the feeling for my own sanity but also don’t want to because it feels like I’m leaving him behind.
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Brother I totally understand you. As primary caregivers he knows everything you did for him. He would want you to continue on and be there for your family. There is no way he could think you are leaving him behind. So many people don't have that care you provided for your Dad. Trust me I blamed myself at first and felt the same way you do now. We honored our fathers by being there for them. He is so proud of you man. He'll continue to live on through you and your son. Honor his legacy and celebrate his life.
 

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