Nick Cannon, father of 12, insures his balls for $10 million
Notorious father of 12 Nick Cannon has had his balls insured for $10 million in an elaborate marketing ploy by hygiene company Dr. Squatch.
Nick Cannon, father of 12, insures his balls for $10 million (pause)
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Nick Cannon, father of 12, insures his balls for $10 million
Nutty!By Wesley Stenzel
Published on June 7, 2024 02:47PM EDT
Nick Cannon is embracing his legacy, taking his ball game to the next level.
The Drumline star and notorious father announced via social media that soap company Dr. Squatch has insured his, uh, little Cannons for a whopping $10 million. “It’s official! I have the most valuable balls in the world!” Cannon wrote, without offering any details on the ball value of others to back up his claims. A press release insisted that the insurance policy on Cannon’s gonads is 100% real, despite the overall scenario clearly being an elaborate marketing ploy.
Nick Cannon.
GREGG DEGUIRE/GETTY
Cannon went on to explain that the soap brand insured his nether region through its “Ball-to-Ball Coverage,” and encouraged his followers to visit the company’s website to estimate the value of their own balls. “Check out their new Ball Care line that will keep your family jewels protected,” he wrote. He’s a giver!
The accompanying Instagram video sees Cannon celebrating his nut valuation and playing with a suggestive pair of golden eggs. “Nick Cannon’s golden balls are single-handedly keeping the human population afloat,” the narrator says as the ad shows horrifying clips of Cannon’s adult head superimposed onto baby bodies. “He’s fathered 12 children that he knows of, and shows no signs of stopping.”
A disclaimer at the bottom of the video reads, “Dr. Squatch does not actually sell insurance products. We do, however, sell products to care for and protect your balls.”
“Smooth game gets you nowhere without smooth balls to match,” Cannon says in the ad.
Nick Cannon.
LEON BENNETT/GETTY
In one of the most unpleasant sentences we’ve ever read in a press release, the company said, “Instead of listening to the haters and getting a vasectomy, Nick is doubling down on his valuable family jewels and protecting his productive pair (and the super sperm inside of them) so he can keep procreating for years to come.” Yikes!
The company offers a variety of products to maximize downstairs hygiene.
“Haters say it’s time for me to stop having kids and put this super sperm to rest, but I’m doubling down on these valuable balls and my future kids,” Cannon said in the press release. “Shoutout to Dr. Squatch for giving my balls the credit they deserve and hooking me up with the protection I need to keep this family tree rolling! Don’t go another day without protecting and caring for your most valuable assets with Ball-to-Ball Coverage through Dr. Squatch’s new Ball Care products.”
Ultimate Ball Care Bundle
Everything you need to protect and care for your most important parts.
www.drsquatch.com
RAW life can be costly long-term.
Better be careful that no one kicks him in them 
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