Relationship Question

[yasky777]

I’m mid 40s eat above average and workout above average and financially stable. My Lady is 51 gorgeous personality beautiful chocolate face and making more money than she’s made in her entire life, base salary is 150k and we live in the Midwest. My sons love her and family does as well. She’s gained 25 lbs and stopped working out as much, I’ve been supportive and sent her pics of herself and told her I’m a big fan of her, I’m in it for the long haul but she knows being obese is a deal breaker for me. We had the conversation of if we were to break up I’m sure she would hit the gym and her lack of discipline is effecting my attraction to her.

I’m paranoid of how she will revert back to this laziness if we were to get married.

What can I do or what advice do y’all have ?

 

[datboi]

Take her to a beach where she will see the competition and get a better understanding of whats out here.

 

[keone]

Buy some almondz

 

[Mrfreddygoodbud]

RUN!!!!

You wont be happy with someone moving in the opposite direction you are...

 

[Walter Panov]

I'll be real with you. Her getting fat is her not respecting you enough to lose weight. That won't change if you get married. She will still not respect you. Should you leave her right now? No. It's not that black and white. I wouldn't mention the topic anymore. You said your piece. She knows. If she continues going down the path of gaining weight, leave her. If she gets fit on her own then consider marrying her. It means she wants to put some effort into the relationship. Remember that a 51-year-old woman's stock is worth 0. A fat one even less. She can be replaced by a fit 40 year old with a decent salary.

 

[APOPHIS]

Option 1:
Get a younger and slimmer chick and proudly parade her in your girl's presence.


Option 2:
Have her understand that your desire for her to lose that weight is not just about preferences and desirability but also about her investing in her long-term health as she is over the age of 50. Those who don't prioritize their health at this advanced age can easily succumb to ailments and physical injuries that can become irreparable and detrimental to her health. Invite her to come to the gym with you at least once weekly so that she knows this is a joint effort. More importantly, hire a personal trainer to help her remain accountable to her goals.


Option 3:
See option 1

 

[850credit]

It's likely not "laziness".

That's the easy diagnosis. Something's going on in her head that's leading to overeating or oversleeping, or avoiding excercise.

She may be disillusioned with life...where she is vs where she thought she would be, or something between yall. Whatever the reason, you may be seeing the effect.

But it's your girl so you know her better than me! Maybe she has just straight up gotten lazy!

 

[papi68]

I’m mid 40s eat above average and workout above average and financially stable. My Lady is 51 gorgeous personality beautiful chocolate face and making more money than she’s made in her entire life, base salary is 150k and we live in the Midwest. My sons love her and family does as well. She’s gained 25 lbs and stopped working out as much, I’ve been supportive and sent her pics of herself and told her I’m a big fan of her, I’m in it for the long haul but she knows being obese is a deal breaker for me. We had the conversation of if we were to break up I’m sure she would hit the gym and her lack of discipline is effecting my attraction to her.

I’m paranoid of how she will revert back to this laziness if we were to get married.

What can I do or what advice do y’all have ?

Mid 40s you is not the same as mid 50s you. You are judging her on some superficial bullshit. You may put on some weight later in life. It happens. I was over 300 pounds now I'm around 240. Life happens. If you can't accept your woman sash goes through different parts of her life so you really love her?

Do you make as much money as her (you're "financially stable" but she earns $150k+)? Are you as good around the house as her? Is she loyal? Does she take care of you when you're sick? Take care of the kids? Talk to her and make sure she is OK. Sometimes, people can get depressed and it can manifest in myriad ways.

Just like you want her to be down for you be 10 toes down for her.

 

[Adroit]

I don't see the appeal of marrying a woman in her 50s. At this stage in life, having more kids should be your main motivation for getting married( unless she has significant assets).

 

[chitownsfinest]

You're hustling backwards. Marry younger...not older.

 

[trstar]

It's likely not "laziness".

That's the easy diagnosis. Something's going on in her head that's leading to overeating or oversleeping, or avoiding excercise.

She may be disillusioned with life...where she is vs where she thought she would be, or something between yall. Whatever the reason, you may be seeing the effect.

But it's your girl so you know her better than me! Maybe she has just straight up gotten lazy!

I gotta co-sign this. She is going thru something, and this directly is affecting her self care. Respectfully, we all know you can’t tell a black woman a damn thing, and your comment may be perceived as an attack (or hate). A beach vacation may spur her to get back or may even deepen the issue.
Try to see whats she is going thru first.

Good luck and may the gods be with you

 

[yasky777]

Mid 40s you is not the same as mid 50s you. You are judging her on some superficial bullshit. You may put on some weight later in life. It happens. I was over 300 pounds now I'm around 240. Life happens. If you can't accept your woman sash goes through different parts of her life so you really love her?

Do you make as much money as her (you're "financially stable" but she earns $150k+)? Are you as good around the house as her? Is she loyal? Does she take care of you when you're sick? Take care of the kids? Talk to her and make sure she is OK. Sometimes, people can get depressed and it can manifest in myriad ways.

Just like you want her to be down for you be 10 toes down for her.

Great questions we live in separate homes, I don’t make $150k salary but not far from her salary with my business ventures. She’s very supportive but lacks in organization and listening to my advice. We’ve talked about this a couple times.

Great questions and thank you.

 

[havelcok]

Got to start doing the group workout
Sign her up for all the stuff that middle age women find cool - dance, ballet, spin class, Pilates

But you are more than likely fighting a losing battle

 

[Temujin]

A big part of settling down is settling. You got to let go this idea of a perfect woman out your head. If you ready to settle and not cheat then you got to get the idea of controlling the woman out your head.

Me I cheat so I let bitches be them and their spot in the rotation is indicative of there current status. I'm mid 40 been divorced for 10 years and get more pussy than I did in college. I might settle down once I retire.

 

[tallblacknyc]

take her swimming.. swimming is one of the best exercises to trim her down and keep her in shape.. you can make it look like a fun activity for you and her but in reality you getting her in shape.. positive manipulation

 

[ballscout1]

My mother-in-law suffered 2 strokes and few years apart.

After the first, she was limited but still able to drive.

He purchased a 750i because it was the easiest for her to get in and out.

After the 2nd stroke, she was almost homebound, and physically a hair was required so he purchased an electric one.

She was no longer the woman he married physically. But he spent the rest of her life doing for her.

Cooking cleaning washing clothes bathing her etc etc etc

My question is why are you considering marrying her ?

Is she the same person with additional weight? Fine-fit women get divorced every day.

Appearance changes, personalities, characters, and morals don't

Do you love her or do you lust her?

For better or for worse

 

[Jumbodicc]

It's likely not "laziness".

That's the easy diagnosis. Something's going on in her head that's leading to overeating or oversleeping, or avoiding excercise.

She may be disillusioned with life...where she is vs where she thought she would be, or something between yall. Whatever the reason, you may be seeing the effect.

But it's your girl so you know her better than me! Maybe she has just straight up gotten lazy!

I agree with this gentlemen. There's likely something going with her internally that you're just not aware of yet.

 

[ballscout1]

A big part of settling down is settling. You got to let go this idea of a perfect woman out your head. If you ready to settle and not cheat then you got to get the idea of controlling the woman out your head.

Me I cheat so I let bitches be them and their spot in the rotation is indicative of there current status. I'm mid 40 been divorced for 10 years and get more pussy than I did in college. I might settle down once I retire.

Cheating is a character defect.

If you are not married why not just tell her you are not monogamous and let her choose if she is okay with that?

 

[witmoe]

Well buddy almost everyone gains weight as they age and women go through the change and hell their pussy gets dry their body and skin gets hot to the touch. You my friend are in for a rough patch of a relationship. If you love "her" you will embrace her flaws and all. I'm sure she has accepted you and your flaws because none of us are perfect. Even the drop dead gorgeous women have a mofo wishing she would go away. Good luck

 

[Deezz]

You can be encouraging only to a point.

Health and fitness is a personal decision and she has to want to do it on her own.

You can push too much and push her away or not push enough and she turns into 1992 Oprah.

Hope it works out! ( ......and hope she starts to work out)

 

[D@mnphins]

Honestly there is no reason to marry. Have to ask yourself if she gained 20-50 lbs would you still love her or look in disgust everytime. If you can't deal with that weight then it may be time to move on.

Don't mention her weight or encourage her to just work out unless you are doing it also. Hey I'm going to the gym at 1 you want to go. Or let's go to the trail for a walk, bike or hike. Make it seem like it's what you are already doing and she is tagging along. Not hey you have been laying around all weekend we are going to the gym in 30 min. Get your lasy ass up.

The mall and beach doesn't work anymore. Unless you hit up a fancy spot cause those hogs at the beach in a 2-piece is encouragement in the wrong direction.

 

[Temujin]

Cheating is a character defect.

If you are not married why not just tell her you are not monogamous and let her choose if she is okay with that?

Bro I make more woman happy than edible arrangements. Spreading joy ain't a character flaw. They all choose me.

News flash homie women don't want the truth they want to hear what makes them happy. My woman ain't delusional but they don't ask questions that they don't want the answer to. They know if they on a twice a month rotation or weekly rotation they don't need me to tell them. I got a don't ask don't tell policy.

So you think homies girl want's to hear she is fat and he is thinking about getting some skinnier pussy. Of course not. So his options are one.

1) let her stay pleasantly plump don't bother her about it keep her happy and fuck side bitches.
2) tell her she is fat make her miserable and base your whole relationship on her ability to lose weight.
3) leave her because she's chunky but you throw away all her good qualities.

4) the magical world where you somehow motivate her to be the woman you want her to be has a 1% chance of succeeding and sustaining. Every divorced brother in hear will tell you, you can't make a bitch be anything more than what she WANTS to be.

 

[Strait_Laced]

1, don't get married if you have reservations.

2, people gain weight, not lose it over time, so if it bothers you now, it will bother you even more later

3, you have to be the change you seek...if you don't live healthy and have a body that catches [good] attention, you can't expect your woman to have one either

 

[yasky777]

A big part of settling down is settling. You got to let go this idea of a perfect woman out your head. If you ready to settle and not cheat then you got to get the idea of controlling the woman out your head.

Me I cheat so I let bitches be them and their spot in the rotation is indicative of there current status. I'm mid 40 been divorced for 10 years and get more pussy than I did in college. I might settle down once I retire.

Bro I make more woman happy than edible arrangements. Spreading joy ain't a character flaw. They all choose me.

News flash homie women don't want the truth they want to hear what makes them happy. My woman ain't delusional but they don't ask questions that they don't want the answer to. They know if they on a twice a month rotation or weekly rotation they don't need me to tell them. I got a don't ask don't tell policy.

So you think homies girl want's to hear she is fat and he is thinking about getting some skinnier pussy. Of course not. So his options are one.

1) let her stay pleasantly plump don't bother her about it keep her happy and fuck side bitches.
2) tell her she is fat make her miserable and base your whole relationship on her ability to lose weight.
3) leave her because she's chunky but you throw away all her good qualities.

4) the magical world where you somehow motivate her to be the woman you want her to be has a 1% chance of succeeding and sustaining. Every divorced brother in hear will tell you, you can't make a bitch be anything more than what she WANTS to be.

Much appreciated, I heard every word.

 

[jackson35]

I’m mid 40s eat above average and workout above average and financially stable. My Lady is 51 gorgeous personality beautiful chocolate face and making more money than she’s made in her entire life, base salary is 150k and we live in the Midwest. My sons love her and family does as well. She’s gained 25 lbs and stopped working out as much, I’ve been supportive and sent her pics of herself and told her I’m a big fan of her, I’m in it for the long haul but she knows being obese is a deal breaker for me. We had the conversation of if we were to break up I’m sure she would hit the gym and her lack of discipline is effecting my attraction to her.

I’m paranoid of how she will revert back to this laziness if we were to get married.

What can I do or what advice do y’all have ?

the classiest thing you can do as her partner is not even bring it up, u simply ask her to come to the gym and work out together, this is where u take the lead and show her what shape she should be in where u would still be attracted. women don't like it when we spend more effort complaing then showing them.

 

[ballscout1]

Bro I make more woman happy than edible arrangements. Spreading joy ain't a character flaw. They all choose me.

News flash homie women don't want the truth they want to hear what makes them happy. My woman ain't delusional but they don't ask questions that they don't want the answer to. They know if they on a twice a month rotation or weekly rotation they don't need me to tell them. I got a don't ask don't tell policy.

So you think homies girl want's to hear she is fat and he is thinking about getting some skinnier pussy. Of course not. So his options are one.

1) let her stay pleasantly plump don't bother her about it keep her happy and fuck side bitches.
2) tell her she is fat make her miserable and base your whole relationship on her ability to lose weight.
3) leave her because she's chunky but you throw away all her good qualities.

4) the magical world where you somehow motivate her to be the woman you want her to be has a 1% chance of succeeding and sustaining. Every divorced brother in hear will tell you, you can't make a bitch be anything more than what she WANTS to be.

If homie's 'relationship' is based on any changes her physical form takes then it ain't a relationship it is a convenience.

and if weight gain kills his interest then end it now.

Bro I make more woman happy than edible arrangements. Spreading joy ain't a character flaw. They all choose me.

News flash homie women don't want the truth they want to hear what makes them happy. My woman ain't delusional but they don't ask questions that they don't want the answer to. They know if they on a twice a month rotation or weekly rotation they don't need me to tell them. I got a don't ask don't tell policy.

If that makes you sleep better then do you.

once you get a little older you will realize that playing with people's emotions is too much work and effort.

Assuming she knows, assumptions lead to confusion.

Fair exchange ain't robbery

 

[ballscout1]

Ah, I awakened from a wet dream in which I was restless
My imagination could no longer take me there
So I slid into my copping haberdashery
And gave into the original Jones: sex

Now, my sexy Jones was below sea level
The hornies occupied my being
I was at that stage where most men would say
"Hey ho', it's your life or your lay."
But I was cooler than that

I spotted a lady who was also on the prowl
I could tell by her makeup, plus the scent was there
So I sashayed over to her, and, ah, spoke of my plan
She screamed and said, "Are you asking to make love to me?"
I said, "Is pig pussy pork?
Or are you gonna play hard
After all the trouble you went through to get chosen?"


Finally, she said, ah, "I could, ah, probably go for what you're talking about
But it's really about my birth control pill."
I said, "All looks are not alike, all holes are not a crack
When in doubt, vamp
Or at least ad-lib
And of course, you know that spit don't make babies."

But I could tell that she was getting interested

 

[DASK]

It's likely not "laziness".

That's the easy diagnosis. Something's going on in her head that's leading to overeating or oversleeping, or avoiding excercise.

She may be disillusioned with life...where she is vs where she thought she would be, or something between yall. Whatever the reason, you may be seeing the effect.

But it's your girl so you know her better than me! Maybe she has just straight up gotten lazy!

This is the answer right here!

You’re focusing on all the positives while ignoring the negatives. The only bad thing you recognize is your deal breaker. You’re not paying attention to her overall well-being, which she's probably trying to hide as much as she can, but it's evident through her weight gain. Take the time to understand your woman.

 

[jagu]

You're hustling backwards. Marry younger...not older.

Now, that's really hustling backward. You just date a younger woman and not marry her. Moreover, if you have been married before and already have children, you have nothing to gain in marrying a younger lady who has new family ambitions at your expense. You simply date her and take her on cruises an' shit

 

[PsiBorg]

She's not going to change her habits for you. She already knows what you like. Right now, I'd say she's trying to please you so you will marry her. Women are the ones who love marriage.

After you marry her, I'm guessing she'll let herself go. She's 51 and if the possibility of marriage is her motivation now, what do you think is going to motivate her to stay healthy when she's reached that goal?

 

[yasky777]

Is a woman’s weight/weight gain comparable to an under employed or unemployed man? Would I be as attractive to her if I had a stagnant or no job?

 

[Chuck_Luck]

Take her to a beach where she will see the competition and get a better understanding of whats out here.

Yeah, I took my girl to a vacation (plus sized girl).

She saw all the skinny chics and got mad at me the whole trip.

 

[woodchuck]

we were to break up I’m sure she would hit the gym

This is what always kills me. Instead of going through all of that stress, just do it now and avoid the possible breakup. Your home is supposed to be a place of peace, and at this rate, you might not find any. If she's comfortable enough with you now to let herself slip, how comfortable do you think a ring will make her?

 

[850credit]

Is a woman’s weight/weight gain comparable to an under employed or unemployed man? Would I be as attractive to her if I had a stagnant or no job?

There's homeless people that were together in good times and bad. It don't sound like you love this woman.

When you described her to us everything you mentioned was about looks or money. You did say she's supportive.

You didn't say how she makes you feel, how ysll laugh together, etc...you said you want her to take your advice more.

Are yall a good team? Are you a good teammate? Do yall plan out the future and come to consensus or it it your way or the highway?

Weight can be put on and taken off and put on again.

Are yall down for each other beyond sexual attractiveness is the question. One man's opinion

 

[yasky777]

There's homeless people that were together in good times and bad. It don't sound like you love this woman.

When you described her to us everything you mentioned was about looks or money. You did say she's supportive.

You didn't say how she makes you feel, how ysll laugh together, etc...you said you want her to take your advice more.

Are yall a good team? Are you a good teammate? Do yall plan out the future and come to consensus or it it your way or the highway?

Weight can be put on and taken off and put on again.

Are yall down for each other beyond sexual attractiveness is the question. One man's opinion

I was being vague and could answer your questions,but I get your point.