AGREE/DISAGREE: Mary J. Blige - No Female Friends For My Husband

[Amajorfucup]

So if your wife were to leave who would you turn to?

This question supports my point and validates MJB's suspicions on the matter. If these relationships are used to foster a plan B then your marriage is a failure waiting to happen. Further, those type of relationships tend to serve as compensation for whats lacking at home. And as a result they are easily turned into something more harmful in the event things begin to go south at home. Instead of working on things at the homefront, you tend to use that friend as a shoulder to cry on, ear to whisper in, and that will soon turn into a pussy to fuck or dick to suck.

But to answer your question... Turn to for what?? Why would i need someone to turn to as a grown man of means? I would collect my thoughts and emotions and go on with life.

 

[tallblacknyc]

Bitch stay off that blow

this made me laugh extremely loud

 

[ShortyCumStain]

Yo my man

U are not in a relationship nor are u married

Why are u even giving advice?

U still giggle when u go on dates?

 

[woodchuck]

Yo my man

U are not in a relationship nor are u married

Why are u even giving advice?

U still giggle when u go on dates?

 

[Upgrade Dave]

You ever seen her in concert? Her show's divided into 2 halves. The first half, she rocks the fuck out and her band GETS IT IN! The second half is the anthem half, and midway through that 2nd half, every brother in there knows that he ain't getting no stank on his hanglow tonight! Broads are in the audience ice grilling dudes!

Come on man. You know hurt depressed Mary is the best version of MJB.

Sent from my Nexus 5

I like seeing people happy but man, there was a time when I was thinking "I wish she would get back with K-Ci Hailey and make that sad shit."

while all the above is true be honest about ourselves, all our sex partners weren't long time or even short term friends, some weren't even friends. So weather you have them, or just met them, or they turn out to be the friend of a friend, the only reason you will or will not cheat is YOU.

And these posts are proving that.

No female friends for me. No male friends for her. PERIOD.
For what????? People of the opposite sex that are friends eventually try to hook up. Its just nature.

It's not nature, it's immaturity.
If you can't be friends with someone of the opposite sex, something is wrong with you.

I'm not married but I don't think I'd be cool with her having male friends, unless they were gay. Like going to the movies or dinner with some dude? Late night phone conversations when I'm sleep? Nah

A married person shouldn't be doing that shit anyway, opposite sex or not.

So if your wife wanted to hang out and some dude's house for the weekend you'd be cool with it?

That's not even a reasonable question. Why would someone's wife want to go hang out at anyone's house for a weekend? Okay, it's not her friend James, it's Janelle. Guess what? She could just as easily be fucking Janelle's brother, husband, or whoever her sidedick is. Or she could be fucking Janelle.
That's the part MJB and those that agree with her are missing: the issue isn't the sex of their friends, it's whether your mate wants to fuck someone else or not.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

It works for people of today i think. People of yesteryear. My pap in law doesn't have any female friends. None of the older men in my family have female friends.

That's the old way to do things.

It comes from a level of insecurity i think. But also i think it's just "How things have always been done."

In my view if i can't trust you then i don't need to be with you. Same goes for me. If you can't trust me then there's no point in doing anything. You should know my heart. You should know my motives. And that they are ironclad. vice versa.

 

[34real]

She has the money so that equates to her wearing the pants in the relationship and she's going to dictate who's who and what's what.
Is it right?of course not because if the shoe was on the other foot some would call it abusive behavior.

She has issue's and those issue's cause her to act in the manner that she does.Sadly

 

[Amajorfucup]

It works for people of today i think. People of yesteryear. My pap in law doesn't have any female friends. None of the older men in my family have female friends.

That's the old way to do things.

It comes from a level of insecurity i think. But also i think it's just "How things have always been done."

In my view if i can't trust you then i don't need to be with you. Same goes for me. If you can't trust me then there's no point in doing anything. You should know my heart. You should know my motives. And that they are ironclad. vice versa.

Its less about insecurity and more about reality. Nature is nature and people are people. And trust is only part of the issue. A very small part. What if that friend crosses a line and violates the relationship? That violation has nothing to do with you trusting your partner or being insecure. But you will still be forced to address and correct the situation regardless. And now you are in a position where you have to fuck up a third party for disrespecting your union all because that third party felt comfortable doing so based on his/her relationship with your significant other.

Again, its just a good policy and helps avoid potential bullshit from all angles.

 

[King Natty]

A married person shouldn't be doing that shit anyway, opposite sex or not.



That's not even a reasonable question. Why would someone's wife want to go hang out at anyone's house for a weekend?

I meant "on" the weekend lol. But I mean I know I'm trying to smash most of the women I talk to, and most men aren't any different. I just wouldn't want wife around that energy, whether I trust her or not

 

[Upgrade Dave]

Its less about insecurity and more about reality. Nature is nature and people are people. And trust is only part of the issue. A very small part. What if that friend crosses a line and violates the relationship? That violation has nothing to do with you trusting your partner or being insecure. But you will still be forced to address and correct the situation regardless. And now you are in a position where you have to fuck up a third party for disrespecting your union all because that third party felt comfortable doing so based on his/her relationship with your significant other.

Again, its just a good policy and helps avoid potential bullshit from all angles.

See, that is about trust and security. Why do you have to fuck anyone up? Not only should your partner handle that situation, you shouldn't know it happened. Just one day, you notice you haven't heard from so and so in a while.
That's why I say it's not nature at all. It's people being adults and conducting themselves as such.

 

[M.H.C.]

Yo my man

U are not in a relationship nor are u married

Why are u even giving advice?

U still giggle when u go on dates?

 

[Amajorfucup]

See, that is about trust and security. Why do you have to fuck anyone up? Not only should your partner handle that situation, you shouldn't know it happened. Just one day, you notice you haven't heard from so and so in a while.
That's why I say it's not nature at all. It's people being adults and conducting themselves as such.

You're in a relationship with a woman. And a "friend" disrespects that union and not only do you not do anything, you think its ok for your woman to not tell you about it??

Nah fam. You buggin. As a couple you share shit like that. The moment someone crosses that line he/she becomes an enemy to the union and not a friend. And that needs to be disclosed and addressed.

You think its cool for a chick to hang out with dudes and not tell you if one tries her?? Man i bet niggas be fucking the shit out of some of yall gals...

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I meant "on" the weekend lol. But I mean I know I'm trying to smash most of the women I talk to, and most men aren't any different. I just wouldn't want wife around that energy, whether I trust her or not

I don't want my wife spending the weekend with anyone and if she all of a sudden wanted to start I would have an issue. Not because I don't trust her but because it would be out of character for her (we are two of the most anti social people you could meet) and I'm sure she thinks the same about me.
You can't build a fence high enough that your partner can't jump if they want out.

 

[woodchuck]

I don't want my wife spending the weekend with anyone and if she all of a sudden wanted to start I would have an issue. Not because I don't trust her but because it would be out of character for her (we are two of the most anti social people you could meet) and I'm sure she thinks the same about me.
You can't build a fence high enough that your partner can't jump if they want out.

So are we!

 

[Upgrade Dave]

You're in a relationship with a woman. And a "friend" disrespects that union and not only do you not do anything, you think its ok for your woman to not tell you about it??

Nah fam. You buggin. As a couple you share shit like that. The moment someone crosses that line he/she becomes an enemy to the union and not a friend. And that needs to be disclosed and addressed.

You think its cool for a chick to hang out with dudes and not tell you if one tries her?? Man i bet niggas be fucking the shit out of some of yall gals...

The only reason I should know about it is if she's already check the nigga and he isn't getting the message.
If a female friend tried me, I'd cut her off but I wouldn't go running to my wife. For what? I handled it.

I see why people aren't good at friendships or relationships. I'm just foreign to the way people think and see the world.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

So are we!

We would be great couples friends. Never call each other and hang out once a year at a comedy show or something where we don't talk to each other.

 

[King Natty]

That's what the home girls are for. I guess these days you gotta be watch out for them too though

 

[Problematic]

Why would i need someone to turn to as a grown man of means? I would collect my thoughts and emotions and go on with life.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

That's what the home girls are for. I guess these days you gotta be watch out for them too though

Shiiiiiit!! The home girls are the bitches that introduce them to strange niggas and let them creep at their house when they're supposed to be going to the movies or the mall.
If they're going to cheat, they're going to cheat.

 

[Amajorfucup]

The only reason I should know about it is if she's already check the nigga and he isn't getting the message.
If a female friend tried me, I'd cut her off but I wouldn't go running to my wife. For what? I handled it.

I see why people aren't good at friendships or relationships. I'm just foreign to the way people think and see the world.

Clearly.

Shiiiiiit!! The home girls are the bitches that introduce them to strange niggas and let them creep at their house when they're supposed to be going to the movies or the mall.
If they're going to cheat, they're going to cheat.

Why lock your doors at night or when you leave the house? If someone wanna break in they're going to break in.

 

[ShortyCumStain]

If they're going to cheat, they're going to cheat.

Basically. Niggas don't wanna come to grips that they're powerless to combat it.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

Clearly.

I have no problem admitting that. I think people live and think foolishly and waste a lot of time and energy on small shit and miss big shit.
This is one of those topics.

 

[Amajorfucup]

I have no problem admitting that. I think people live and think foolishly and waste a lot of time and energy on small shit and miss big shit.
This is one of those topics.

I agree people waste time on bullshit. But protecting your union and setting expectations pertaining to that union is the opposite of "small shit" to me.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

Why lock your doors at night or when you leave the house? If someone wanna break in they're going to break in.

Can my house break itself in and give away my shit? No. A spouse has free will.
They will cheat or they won't. I can't lock down my wife unless I literally lock her in the house and even that won't work.


That might be the other difference in my way of thinking: I don't live in a fear based reality. Caution is smart but it seems like too many people live in fear that someone is going to take something from them. That's not me.

 

[Amajorfucup]

Basically. Niggas don't wanna come to grips that they're powerless to combat it.

Yea, but you minimize as much bullshit in life as you can.

You gonna die from something but you still wear seatbelts, workout, try to eat good, and keep reckless behavior to a minimum in most cases.

 

[ShortyCumStain]

I have no problem admitting that. I think people live and think foolishly and waste a lot of time and energy on small shit and miss big shit.
This is one of those topics.

Yep.

 

[Upgrade Dave]

I agree people waste time on bullshit. But protecting your union and setting expectations pertaining to that union is the opposite of "small shit" to me.

But you're not protecting your union. You're engaging in theater. By having this "ban" on opposite sex friends you think you're doing something and you're not. They're still going to meet new people and be around people of the opposite sex. So if they're "available", they're going to find themselves a new "friend" whether you want them to or not. They just won't tell you.
This ultimately is about making you "feel" secure than actually being secure.

 

[ShortyCumStain]

Caution is smart but it seems like too many people live in fear that someone is going to take something from them. That's not me.

Yeah, I can't live like that either.

 

[shaddyvillethug]

 

[Amajorfucup]

Can my house break itself in and give away my shit? No. A spouse has free will.
They will cheat or they won't. I can't lock down my wife unless I literally lock her in the house and even that won't work.


That might be the other difference in my way of thinking: I don't live in a fear based reality. Caution is smart but it seems like too many people live in fear that someone is going to take something from them. That's not me.

The point is you minimize risk when and where you can. And its not just about the woman cheating. Its about the man cheating and also the third party being in a position to violate boundaries.

Ive removed myself from many environments where in knew temptation and the potential to make poor decisions existed. Acknowledging that as fact and adjusting accordingly isnt about living in fear. Its accepting certain realities of life and adulthood and acting accordingly.

The whole "they gonna do what they gonna do" mentality is simplistic and naive. And i doubt most people with shit to lose respond that way.

 

[yaBoi]

i don't date chicks that listen to mary j blige

for real them bitches are all crazy... and bitter

 

[M.H.C.]

Y'all better listen to Uncle Dave and Uncle Chuck in here if you can only speak from a single person's perspective.

 

[ShortyCumStain]

 

[Amajorfucup]

But you're not protecting your union. You're engaging in theater. By having this "ban" on opposite sex friends you think you're doing something and you're not. They're still going to meet new people and be around people of the opposite sex. So if they're "available", they're going to find themselves a new "friend" whether you want them to or not. They just won't tell you.
This ultimately is about making you "feel" secure than actually being secure.

Avoiding potential conflict is engaging in theater?

And what does meeting and being around opposite sex have to do with hanging out alone with the opposite sex? Dont confuse the two. No one is saying she cant have any contact with the opposite sex. The spirit of the discussion is about being/hanging out with friends of the opposite sex alone.

And why do you clowns keep using "insecure" as a pejorative? Isnt that what a relationship is about? Companionship and security? So why is it a negative to want to maximize both?

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

See, that is about trust and security. Why do you have to fuck anyone up? Not only should your partner handle that situation, you shouldn't know it happened. Just one day, you notice you haven't heard from so and so in a while.
That's why I say it's not nature at all. It's people being adults and conducting themselves as such.

Exactly. If someone else crosses a line in your relationship the person who it was crossed TO... needs to address it and put it in kaputs.

If my manfriend has a lady friend approach him and he knows he's not supposed to dally off with her then he's supposed to tell her thanks but no.

Same with me. It's not "nature". Sometimes it really feels like you got dudes, who think just because a vagina is there you just can't say no to it. Like ohnoez i'm powerlessssssss!!!

It's like people think you have no control over yourself and yet you want to be considered reasoned human beings. You want to be trusted with things.

I don't believe that. No. You're a grown up. Keep your dick in your pants.

Its less about insecurity and more about reality. Nature is nature and people are people. And trust is only part of the issue. A very small part. What if that friend crosses a line and violates the relationship? That violation has nothing to do with you trusting your partner or being insecure. But you will still be forced to address and correct the situation regardless. And now you are in a position where you have to fuck up a third party for disrespecting your union all because that third party felt comfortable doing so based on his/her relationship with your significant other.

Again, its just a good policy and helps avoid potential bullshit from all angles.

Nature doesn't rule you. You're a reasoning being. You know the difference between right and wrong in how it is perceived in your relationship.

When you got together in your relationship there were rules decided and conduct unbecoming was set.

And trust isn't a small part to us. Trust is a very big part to us. Most people don't trust their partners. And when dumb shit pops off they're like already 1 foot out the door anyway.

That's how it works now.

Again. i'm not saying everyone should do it 1 way or another way. As a matter of fact i think most people just don't have it in them to abide by certain rules of a relationship.

But it still comes from A place of "I don't have this" So let me try to have this this and that to try to keep it.