BGOL 35+: Have you had to shrink your circle of friends/family? UPDATE!

[playahaitian]

The older I get I am realizing my own personal circle is getting smaller and smaller. This wasn't deliberate but just started happening. I have a few CLOSE friends Day One people and some select family.

However recently I have noticed even family members I have distanced myself from for a variety of reasons...mostly just to keep my life drama free.

Wondered if this is same for any of you?

Because I have met more and more couples my age who don't really go out much, are damn near anti social.

They tend to stay home either with each other or their kids and hanging out watching the flat screen, man caves watching sports and the outings are just among themselves or REALLY close friends and family.

Inviting us over and not really letting NEW people in.

And they don't do social media much

I haven't been to any BIG blow out weddings anymore many are small, city hall or destination weddings...

when I was coming up people were spending 25-50K EASY inviting EVERYONE and their mothers.


I am wondering is this just with age or is this becoming something many of our generation of Blacks are doing more and more?

 

[ballscout1]

definitely and that shrinking started long before 35.

 

[dadamaja]

Shit i did this when i was in my late teens early 20s lol

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy® Note Edge

 

[playahaitian]

definitely and that shrinking started long before 35.

damn....

I had a best friend thread a while back but I didn't realize I have been trimming the family tree too until recently when I didn't do my usual round of calls for the holidays...just very select few.

I thought it was old age I just can't deal with any bull shit my tolerance level has gone down to 0.

Shit i did this when i was in my late teens early 20s lol

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy® Note Edge

damnitman!

FAMILY too???

I feel a little better now though...thought it was just me.

got people asking me what's wrong?

calling me an introvert...Isolating myself.

 

[The Untouchable GDFOLKS]

Yes I know what you are talking about. Getting older has shown me a lot of shit and one of them is some people will never strive for anything and stay idle thier whole life no matter how much knowledge you give them or examples you set for them. I literally have old homies with Xbox ones and Gucci glasses and no vehicles. These dudes will ring my line damn near everyday to try to get me to kick it...I send the calls to voicemail.

I have another partner that did a gang of time in the FEDS for pimping because his bitches turned on him and snitched..he got out and in the halfway house he was all about changing his lifestyle and using his pimp brain to create a real business so he wouldn't have to rely on a bitch to create wealth...

Long story short he jumps right back into the bullshit while he is on paper for 5 more years but this time he is deeper in the game..he calls and wants me to ride out with him and I tell him I am on chill with my family..

he goes on with calling me a hermit and I need to get out as if I am not with him bending corners means I'm at home alone under the covers watching TV and not spending all my time with my wife and child.

its funny because he has children and missed out on their whole lives so I guess I am expected to do the same.

I have family I cut off because they cant get right and always rely on other people to supply what they dont have. I dont give 2 fucks if im around them or not becaue they are a finacial and mental drain.

In closing, cutting people off that are not about shit is the only way for you to progress. It sucks but that is how it has to be.

 

[Coldchi]

the more people beg and borrow,.....the smaller the circle gets.....lol

 

[The Untouchable GDFOLKS]

damn....

I had a best friend thread a while back but I didn't realize I have been trimming the family tree too until recently when I didn't do my usual round of calls for the holidays...just very select few.

I thought it was old age I just can't deal with any bull shit my tolerance level has gone down to 0.



damnitman!

FAMILY too???

I feel a little better now though...thought it was just me.

got people asking me what's wrong?

calling me an introvert...Isolating myself.

Oh man I get the "hermit", "Introvert" and "anti-social" label all they time...the just dont get that I don't fuck with them like that anymore yet cause I'm cordial when we speak.

 

[i 1 2 4 Q]

2014 alone:

I cut off........

my sociopathic sister and her b**** ass new husband.
my dope fiend bipolar aunt.
my snake in the grass half brother whom I barely knew.
my alcoholic boy who tried to play me on some somewhere to stay shyt. n**** lied about everything to get in my home once he got in his drinking still didn't stop. He tried to play my s*** like a flop house.also knew this n**** over 20 years.

Pending :

my boy I've known since kindergarten. n***** still secretly hates me because I f***** his ex girlfriend 20 years ago. n**** is constantly speaking ill about me behind my back.even though I told him she wanted to f*** me and he was like I don't give a fuck.

 

[yaBoi]

my circle is pretty small anyway

but I am about to cut a few of these bitches from the team....they taking up too much of my time

 

[Problematic]

The older I get I am realizing my own personal circle is getting smaller and smaller. This wasn't deliberate but just started happening. I have a few CLOSE friends Day One people and some select family.

However recently I have noticed even family members I have distanced myself from for a variety of reasons...mostly just to keep my life drama free.

Wondered if this is same for any of you?

Because I have met more and more couples my age who don't really go out much, are damn near anti social.

They tend to stay home either with each other or their kids and hanging out watching the flat screen, man caves watching sports and the outings are just among themselves or REALLY close friends and family. Inviting us over and not really letting NEW people in.

And they don't do social media much

I haven't been to any BIG blow out weddings anymore many are small, city hall or destination weddings...when I was coming up people were spending 25-50K EASY inviting EVERYONE and their mothers.


I am wondering is this just with age or is this becoming something many of our generation of Blacks are doing more and more?

#hivemind

you ain't the only one bruh - the bolded part is something i've really noticed here over the last few years.

everything else seems to come with time and lower tolerance for b.s.

 

[playahaitian]

the more people beg and borrow,.....the smaller the circle gets.....lol

you aint never tell a lie

 

[durham]

As wealth grows, family size increases, parents getting older, pecking order changing, and decisions on how to keep improving set in, the less bullshit irresponsibility and self hate I can accept.

So yeah my crew has whittled down to a few soldiers, and I'm okay with that.

 

[playahaitian]

Oh man I get the "hermit", "Introvert" and "anti-social" label all they time...the just dont get that I don't fuck with them like that anymore yet cause I'm cordial when we speak.

^^^
damnitman

that is some hive mind stuff...

when I'm in the office social event or in the street I am cool cordial hell I'm a damn man about town southern gentleman EVEN if I hate your guts..but after THAT?

I'm gone.

I would NEVER disrespect or embarrass anyone in public even IF I hate you.

Now in private I'll slap the taste out your mouth but I would never disrespect myself or anyone else like that in front of outsiders.

But lately I feel like my kindness is taken for weakness. And I had to cut some family off cause I realized they were real loose around me and talking reckless thinking/knowing I wont do nothing in public view.

 

[saundman]

Had to cut off ties with most of the Wifey's family.

When going down there I have to turn into Bob Vila, Bill Gates, cab/bus driver, baby sitter, cook, the bank along with some food stamp conversion, and family therapist while on MY VACATION.

Now I only go on special occasions.


Somebody has to die first

 

[playahaitian]

Had to cut off ties with most of the Wifey's family.

When going down there I have to turn into Bob Vila, Bill Gates, cab/bus driver, baby sitter, cook, the bank along with some food stamp conversion, and family therapist while on MY VACATION.

Now I only go on special occasions.


Somebody has to die first

damn it what's going on hive mind on blast tonight...

this didn't cause ANY stress with wifey???

 

[AtomAnt]

 

[The Untouchable GDFOLKS]

^^^
damnitman

that is some hive mind stuff...

when I'm in the office social event or in the street I am cool cordial hell I'm a damn man about town southern gentleman EVEN if I hate your guts..but after THAT?

I'm gone.

I would NEVER disrespect or embarrass anyone in public even IF I hate you.

Now in private I'll slap the taste out your mouth but I would never disrespect myself or anyone else like that in front of outsiders.

But lately I feel like my kindness is taken for weakness. And I had to cut some family off cause I realized they were real loose around me and talking reckless thinking/knowing I wont do nothing in public view.

Oh yeah man that is the mind state of little to do people..they want you out of your element so you can potentially loose your foothold or even worse get you fucked up so you can be at their level, making them feel better.I have a cousin that is 30 plus and has never had a job or payed a bill in his life. He calls me a square cause I won't come to his "hood" and hang out in his crib that is payed entirely by his baby moms..
He also lies and says he is getting on his shit so I can allow him to know where I live...this is the type of dude that will come out to your nice spot and act cool at first and get a little liquor in him and try to test you...he will basically cause a ruckus that will get you kicked out your shit or he will be trying to slide through at 3am with some hood rat bitch cause he can't fuck her at a his baby mommas house. This nigga been trying to find out where I live for the last year..no bueno

 

[Naha-Nago]

I'll speak for me but for most men I know who have or on the road to getting their shit together their tolerance for bullshit goes down thus shrinks the circle...


* two cents *

 

[Lord Vicious]

Shit i did this when i was in my late teens early 20s lol

This.
I had a few close friends in high school,i stay in touch with one of them
and then i hang out with one other cat here.As far as family,i really
don't deal with many of them because of the negativity.I just can't do it
anymore.Positive people help lead you to positive things.

Peace

 

[playahaitian]

I'll speak for me but for most men I know who have or on the road to getting their shit together their tolerance for bullshit goes down thus shrinks the circle...


* two cents *

this is my damn MANTRA

This.
I had a few close friends in high school,i stay in touch with one of them
and then i hang out with one other cat here.As far as family,i really
don't deal with many of them because of the negativity.I just can't do it
anymore.Positive people help lead you to positive things.

Peace

^^^

its just the negativity is infectious and its so damn EASY to be sour and hurtful...and its like I've seen more and more people who are COMFORTABLE with all that negative stuff in AND around them. And DON'T know how to act when things are going well or how to act around POSITIVE people.

I've learned something...it takes effort to be kind positive and forthright nowadays.

it SHOULDN'T but if you really look around that is the current state of things
we got things all messed up. Hell I've seen people have to FORCE a smile at WORK just to get through the day.

 

[BDR]

Yes

 

[playahaitian]

Yes

ya'll make that sheeet sound so easy.

 

[sammyjax]

As wealth grows, family size increases, parents getting older, pecking order changing, and decisions on how to keep improving set in, the less bullshit irresponsibility and self hate I can accept.

So yeah my crew has whittled down to a few soldiers, and I'm okay with that.

Very succinctly sums it up

Had to cut off ties with most of the Wifey's family.

When going down there I have to turn into Bob Vila, Bill Gates, cab/bus driver, baby sitter, cook, the bank along with some food stamp conversion, and family therapist while on MY VACATION.

Now I only go on special occasions.


Somebody has to die first

I'll speak for me but for most men I know who have or on the road to getting their shit together their tolerance for bullshit goes down thus shrinks the circle...
nails, hide your heads.

* two cents *

 

[CPT Callamity]

It's just maturity.
When you have your shit together you value your time a lot more. You analyze situations a lot more thoroughly too. I still have many of the friends I had during childhood and keep it like that but we aren't constantly in contact. One of the best things of my adult life that I ever did was limiting time with people who were too self-absorbed and negative. Once I broke away, things got better as far as peace of mind.

 

[biggboye5000]

It's kind of a natural thing. It's just part of the growing and maturing process. I have done it but it wasn't really intentional it just sort of happens.

As people grow and mature and go through phases their circle changes. Sometimes it comes from natural surroundings like job or career or whatever. Sometimes it comes through interests or even income changes. That's like a class change. Your circle either gradually or automatically changes.

I noticed this years ago when certain family members would stay stuck in their same mindset or environments and feel forced or destined to repeat the family cycle. For me breaking a cycle like a family cycle or something was never an issue. I embrace change and self improvement so I was always down.

But some people around me just would not break the shackles of whatever past they came from. Saw that with friends family or whoever.

 

[Simply_Black]

Yes... It's essential for self-preservation... As you get older you realise that it's not about the quantity but it's all about the quality of people in your life which gives you a peaceful existence.

 

[The Untouchable GDFOLKS]

It's just maturity.
When you have your shit together you value your time a lot more. You analyze situations a lot more thoroughly too. I still have many of the friends I had during childhood and keep it like that but we aren't constantly in contact. One of the best things of my adult life that I ever did was limiting time with people who were too self-absorbed and negative. Once I broke away, things got better as far as peace of mind.

Co-sign in my situations it usually people doing negative shit for the wrong reasons. The dude I spoke about that was in the feds pimping now has two Benzes but the wringer is he live in his sisters basement..yeah what is logic behind that? It is simply because he wants to stunt for niggas because they was talking down when he lost all his shit the first time.. but he has no clue why I limit my time with him..I just can't rock tough with that mind state.

 

[bgbtylvr]

Yes. Wanted to. Not interested in the same old. I've grown and they haven't. I want more and can have it. My friends all married young and have kids so their freedom and finances are limited. Cool, but the life for me. So I can't speak on things I want to do, want or have because support-saddled ninjas start crying. lol! My homey pays more in child support than his mortgage. Choices. Choices.


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[dailysmoka]

work,wife, kids....who has time for friends...when i do have free time..I sleep..i downsized in '01....

 

[Nzinga]

A big reason for having a large social circle is ability to
compromise. As you grow older, you become less
tolerant of bullshit, and many of the chaff simply wither
away. As you grow older you become more introspective
and have less time to bother yourself with the approval
of other people.

 

[The Untouchable GDFOLKS]

Yes. Wanted to. Not interested in the same old. I've grown and they haven't. I want more and can have it. My friends all married young and have kids so their freedom and finances are limited. Cool, but the life for me. So I can't speak on things I want to do, want or have because support-saddled ninjas start crying. lol! My homey pays more in child support than his mortgage. Choices. Choices.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I got niggas who can't/won't work because of outstanding child support. They dont have work history so they can't get good paying gigs and even if they do get them a wack job they only can work a month before their check get ate up and they are working for pennies that wouldn't be a living wage in Somalia. Sounds like a sad situation but the truth is they put themselves in that situation by thinking shit was sweet with multiple baby mommas..

 

[CPT Callamity]

Co-sign in my situations it usually people doing negative shit for the wrong reasons. The dude I spoke about that was in the feds pimping now has two Benzes but the wringer is he live in his sisters basement..yeah what is logic behind that? It is simply because he wants to stunt for niggas because they was talking down when he lost all his shit the first time.. but he has no clue why I limit my time with him..I just can't rock tough with that mind state.

My situation was my homies were always getting together after work but it would be the same ole shit: drink, smoke, crack jokes, same ole stories I heard 8 years previously. I got bored. I found myself thinking I could be other places doing things that improve my lot in life or just enjoy. One of them always needed to have women around and liked to show off a lot. These women never did anything spectacular, just hung around. I said fuck all this. Now I concentrate on music, art, finances, self improvement. If anyone wants my time I need to hear what it's about before I agree. No time for sitting around going nowhere.

 

[The Untouchable GDFOLKS]

My situation was my homies were always getting together after work but it would be the same ole shit: drink, smoke, crack jokes, same ole stories I heard 8 years previously. I got bored. I found myself thinking I could be other places doing things that improve my lot in life or just enjoy. One of them always needed to have women around and liked to show off a lot. These women never did anything spectacular, just hung around. I said fuck all this. Now I concentrate on music, art, finances, self improvement. If anyone wants my time I need to hear what it's about before I agree. No time for sitting around going nowhere.

Real shit bro, glad you got up out of that cause you could have been stuck in that cycle forever.

 

[J Bizzle]

Yep. It started for me shortly after high school. Circle got smaller and smaller every year. Having people close to you means less. I've cut off plenty of friends and fam. I'm in my 30s and it's my parents, my fiance, my sister, my son and literally like 2 friends that's it.

 

[THREAD_CRITIC]

Nah if anything it has grown larger.