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BGOL stepfathers, what say you ?

DJ

DJ

BGOL Legend
Certified Pussy Poster
Personal opinion, I don't agree with this shit. Been there done it, and I think it takes a selfless and strong brother to raise children that you didn't create.

You know I don't generally post shit like this, I post naked heauxs, shit just sounded retarded to me.


 
34real

34real

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Registered
I ain't no step dad but I know of a few guys that have taken on that role and it's not easy but as time goes on that's the only father they know and the respect,love,appreciation is a direct reflection of what their mother has for that man so.

If momma doesn't give a fuck about him,the kids/adults won't either

Influence is strong and it doesn't have a title most times but a young mind knows it when they see it....be it mom,dad,grandfather,grandmother,sister,brother,neighbor,gang member,drug dealer,rapper, or whatever.
 
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P

PJN

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
Probably thinking he's spitting facts, what an idiot. I'm not a step anything and don't wish to be. If you meet a woman you love who happens to have a child and you both raise him/her with love and discipline, that makes you a mental patient?
 
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blaze

blaze

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
DJ said:
Personal opinion, I don't agree with this shit. Been there done it, and I think it takes a selfless and strong brother to raise children that you didn't create.

You know I don't generally post shit like this, I post naked heauxs, shit just sounded retarded to me.


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This shit is tricky because you are speaking in generalities. All situations are different and they play out different. I will say in general that if you show up for a kid and pour positivity into them, they are going to see you as a father figure anyway. You can't be trying to replace nobody or buy nobody's love. Just love the kid and encourage them. Fucking listen to them. Teach them what they want to know and what they need to live. I've coached kids that see me as a father figure. I didn't try for that. That wasn't my hope. I just wanted to help them be better than they were when they came to me and some people will just appreciate that you took the time to care. Hell, for some of those kids you might be the only one. Being a father and being selfish don't work together. That's why that cat sounds as crazy as he does.
 
DJ

DJ

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PJN said:
Probably thinking he's spitting facts, what an idiot. I'm not a step anything and don't wish to be. If you meet the woman of you love who happens to have a child and you both raise him/her with love and discipline, that makes you a mental patient?
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That's what I got out of it.
Bunch of nonsense.
Same type dude that would blame a fucked up kid on a single mother.
 
yureeka9

yureeka9

Rising Star
Platinum Member
I agree with him. Being a stepfather is a thankless, unbalanced arrangement. Here's the 3 reasons I've stuck to since I was in college:
  1. Relationship is automatically out of balance because you make her the most important person in your life and the best you can be to her is 2nd behind her children.
  2. Stepfathers have to be ok being exposed to her ex at any given time. No man wants to come home from work and see another nigga that used to fuck his wife sitting up in the house he pays for.
  3. Dealing with kids that aren't yours are always a gamble. At any given time you may have to deal with a step daughter saying "he touched me" or a step son squaring up with you in your own living room.
No thanks. Hard pass for me.
 
TooTrilla

TooTrilla

Mil Town Legend
BGOL Investor
I did for my ex's other kids while I lived with her. I wasn't no stepdaddy though. And it wasn't that big of a deal because her kids that weren't mine were still my daughter's siblings. Kept a good relationship with them even after we parted ways. Her son is the oldest and that's who's gonna be looking out for my girls when I'm not around. Why not keep a good relationship with him?
 
DWBass

DWBass

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BGOL Investor
I don't have an issue with women who have kids BUT..........I am NOT financially responsible for them and would not be. I'm not even committing to any relationship where the children's father is not being responsible. That's her job to be financially responsible if the dad isn't. I'm not going there. I paid 21 long years of child support willingly and was always in my daughter's life. Fuck any nigga who ditches out on his kids! Pisses me off because my daughter has 3 children by 2 deadbeats! And she's always hitting me up. FOH!
 
knightmelodic

knightmelodic

American fruit, Afrikan root.
BGOL Investor
yureeka9 said:
I agree with him. Being a stepfather is a thankless, unbalanced arrangement. Here's the 3 reasons I've stuck to since I was in college:
  1. Relationship is automatically out of balance because you make her the most important person in your life and the best you can be to her is 2nd behind her children.
  2. Stepfathers have to be ok being exposed to her ex at any given time. No man wants to come home from work and see another nigga that used to fuck his wife sitting up in the house he pays for.
  3. Dealing with kids that aren't yours are always a gamble. At any given time you may have to deal with a step daughter saying "he touched me" or a step son squaring up with you in your own living room.
No thanks. Hard pass for me.
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Couldn't agree more. It's a minefield. Never been in the role but I have dated chicks with kids. That was enough.

Love is a motherfucker tho and props to any man who steps up.
 
DJ

DJ

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the artist said:
I am a father who stepped up. It can be tough but I sleep well knowing the job that I did and gave them the same as my bio children. My best.
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This.
I did the same with my ex for 11 years, inherited the kids at 5, 6, and 10.
I have a great relationship with all 3 of them to this day, I gave them 2 more sisters which they are in constant contact with as well as me.
Theyre bio dad wasnt absent or out of the picture ever, all in all I would have to say he is actually a pretty good dude as far as his children go.
We had a few issues in the beginning, understandably, nothing major or unsolvable so we were able hash shit out.
I think due to the fact the he and I came to an understanding is a major reason that I still have a great relationship with the kids today.
 
Autobot8655

Autobot8655

Rising Star
OG Investor
Gully said:
He's right. I did it. Wasted a lot of time and money, and literally have no relationship with the young lady now because me and her mother broke up. Don't do it.
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Bruh, I have a friend who married a woman with kids.

He loved those kids and gave them all that he had. He was close to adopting them.

Unfortunately, she divorced him and now, the kids that he loved have no connection or communication.

Just imagine if he did adopt them. He would be on the hook for child support.

Being a stepfather is risky. Prepare for all outcomes.

I would never do it, and to me the men who do are dumb asses.
 
Temujin

Temujin

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Much respect to all black men that are strong enough and mature enough to be a father no matter what the title. Step-father god-father Father. Black men got to take our leadership role back. Providing wisdom and guidance for the youth should be the goal of every black man and especially youth you see on a regular basis. If you just fucking the mom and ignoring the kids you a piece of shit.

Seriously ya'll it don't take much and don't expect shit out of it. Fathers should expect to feel unappreciated they should expect that the kids are going to side with the mom. It ain't about that. It's about being a role model no matter what the capacity. I think a lot of you never had fathers so you go into it with these ideas that ain't reality. Fatherhood is all give and no take. If you expecting it to be transactional then you ain't being a father. All you can hope for is that you build up enough respect in these kids that they help the next generation like you helped them.
 
Basetip

Basetip

Rising Star
BGOL Investor
yureeka9 said:
I agree with him. Being a stepfather is a thankless, unbalanced arrangement. Here's the 3 reasons I've stuck to since I was in college:
  1. Relationship is automatically out of balance because you make her the most important person in your life and the best you can be to her is 2nd behind her children.
  2. Stepfathers have to be ok being exposed to her ex at any given time. No man wants to come home from work and see another nigga that used to fuck his wife sitting up in the house he pays for.
  3. Dealing with kids that aren't yours are always a gamble. At any given time you may have to deal with a step daughter saying "he touched me" or a step son squaring up with you in your own living room.
No thanks. Hard pass for me.
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I understand how you feel, but....

Ultimately this boils down to the quality of 'WOMAN' you're dealing with. I capitalized the word woman to emphasize that if you're dealing with a reasonable, quality, well adjusted adult of the female persuasion... (not that common, I'll agree)... then none of the above will ever be an issue. Maybe I got lucky, but I know that my wife (27yrs and counting) understood respecting me(as the man in the relationship), herself, as well as how we interact with our son(my step) and his birth father(another quality adult) was the key. I guess the common denominator in this being a successful endeavor is 'Everyone is acting like they have sense, having the child's best interest, and respecting each other as GROWN-ASS Adults'. When you attempt this with immature, irrational, childish acting, adults(sometimes jealous)... 'Results may vary'.

Choose your life partners wisely.
 
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DJ

DJ

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Temujin said:
Much respect to all black men that are strong enough and mature enough to be a father no matter what the title. Step-father god-father Father. Black men got to take our leadership role back. Providing wisdom and guidance for the youth should be the goal of every black man and especially youth you see on a regular basis. If you just fucking the mom and ignoring the kids you a piece of shit.

Seriously ya'll it don't take much and don't expect shit out of it. Fathers should expect to feel unappreciated they should expect that the kids are going to side with the mom. It ain't about that. It's about being a role model no matter what the capacity. I think a lot of you never had fathers so you go into it with these ideas that ain't reality. Fatherhood is all give and no take. If you expecting it to be transactional then you ain't being a father. All you can hope for is that you build up enough respect in these kids that they help the next generation like you helped them.
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Spit that knowledge playa !!!!
Real grown man shit here !!!!
Post of the year !!!!
 
DJ

DJ

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Basetip said:
I understand how you feel, but....

I guess the common denominator in this being a successful endeavor is 'Everyone is acting like they have sense, having the child's best interest, and respecting each other as GROWN-ASS Adults'.
Click to expand...

Facts !!!
 

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