BGOL stepfathers, what say you ?
- Thread starter DJ
- Start date
We in the same house and we have a child together but we both have a child from a previous relationship, ain't no way I'm treating her kid any different from my own. Especially if the kids young.
Sounds like you may have found a rare unicorn.
There's many scenarios that can be at play. Yes I was/am a stepdad and had kids with my wife after her firstborn. Raised all them ungrateful mofo's the same. They all are entitled kids who were raised with all they wanted, spoiled.
I say that to say, I did my role as a father, financially and with morals, setting foundation as a parent.
Being a parent aint for everyone. It's a thankless job, whether it's yours or not.
Empty nester now, they're all out the crib. would I do it again, yes and no. Every situation is different and "complicated".
The stepchild dad had no communication and never met his child, doing a bid since he was months old. He eventually got out a few years ago, had a heart attack and died. So was basically nonexistent.
Every situation ain't like mine. Really had to analyze the situation b4 stepping thru that door, but I was young as well when I met the wife. Both were.
I say that to say, I did my role as a father, financially and with morals, setting foundation as a parent.
Being a parent aint for everyone. It's a thankless job, whether it's yours or not.
Empty nester now, they're all out the crib. would I do it again, yes and no. Every situation is different and "complicated".
The stepchild dad had no communication and never met his child, doing a bid since he was months old. He eventually got out a few years ago, had a heart attack and died. So was basically nonexistent.
Every situation ain't like mine. Really had to analyze the situation b4 stepping thru that door, but I was young as well when I met the wife. Both were.
It's near impossible to know a chick in her 40s that sane and childless....
I shudder at the thought of dating in this world with the mentality of females and the overly masculine roles chicks try to take. Plus, I'm not into young chicks..
I shudder at the thought of dating in this world with the mentality of females and the overly masculine roles chicks try to take. Plus, I'm not into young chicks..
I say a prayer everyday.... I've been on the other side, and I'm thankful I survived(relationship with my 1st wife was a disaster).Sounds like you may have found a rare unicorn.
There's biological Dad's that go through the same issues.
Divorce from the Mom, and then the kids take the Mom's side and no longer give a shit about the Dad.
It happens, but it's definitely more likely to happen in a Step-Dad situation.
Great stuff!
Good stuff man!
Props
IMO being a stepfather is only worth it if you understand the harm in growing up without a father figure. It's more than just being an older male in your life, your taking on a greater role as an actual father. If they have a daddy in their life being a father to them, then you might not have to be anything more than their momma's boyfriend/husband or just an older male figure in their life.
Being a father, whether it is the actual blood father or a stepfather is one of the most important things you can do in life, so maybe he's right to be mentally and emotionally bitter ... everybody aint made to bear that kind of responsibility.
The more I think about what you posted, the more I think that the guy in the video failed as a stepfather because he also failed as a boyfriend and that's why those kids didn't respect him in the end and wanted nothing to do with him afterwards either ... It's like you said, "If momma doesn't give a fuck about him then the kids won't give a fuck about him either. Influence is strong." And it's also a dual edged sword.
*Sigh*
Just more of that redpill/manosphere bullshit being spouted off by yet another fearful, ignorant brother.
My question to him is: What if you also have children when you meet this woman? Should she view your kids with the same distain?
Or...
What she has NO children, but you do? Should she judge you and your kids with the same assessment?
This is a conversation y'all should've had when you began dating or getting serious. And a man who makes a woman choose between him and her children, obviously hasn't learned how to properly function in a blended family.
#2. It's called "Setting Boundaries". A single mother should've set those up after the relationship with the child's father ended and LONG before you ever came along. The same goes for single father's raising their own children.
#3. Again; it's all about setting boundaries. It's also about getting to know those children well enough over a course of time to know who they are and how they act.
- Most importantly, to figure out whether or not you CAN have a relationship with them.
Black men have "stepping up" for hundreds of years in America. Statistically, they are THE MOST involved fathers with their children of any other race in the country.
And clearly, that ain't limited to just their own biological children...
Just more of that redpill/manosphere bullshit being spouted off by yet another fearful, ignorant brother.
My question to him is: What if you also have children when you meet this woman? Should she view your kids with the same distain?
Or...
What she has NO children, but you do? Should she judge you and your kids with the same assessment?
#1. If you feel you have to "compete" with her children for her affection to prioritize your relationship, then you've already lost.
This is a conversation y'all should've had when you began dating or getting serious. And a man who makes a woman choose between him and her children, obviously hasn't learned how to properly function in a blended family.
#2. It's called "Setting Boundaries". A single mother should've set those up after the relationship with the child's father ended and LONG before you ever came along. The same goes for single father's raising their own children.
#3. Again; it's all about setting boundaries. It's also about getting to know those children well enough over a course of time to know who they are and how they act.
- Most importantly, to figure out whether or not you CAN have a relationship with them.
Black men have "stepping up" for hundreds of years in America. Statistically, they are THE MOST involved fathers with their children of any other race in the country.
And clearly, that ain't limited to just their own biological children...
Last edited:
I was having a conversation about this a few weeks ago. Being a father can be a thankless job, Like you gotta be a real POS if you're a mother and your child wants nothing do to with you. Women can manipulate their children against their fathers(stepfathers) but later in life they realize what happened. But like you said every situation is different.
Same boat. 30s is my low point
Those two are not one in the same. You can be a great Stepfather, but fail as husband/boyfriend. I've heard from multiple women "we are a package deal"...so you take the package in, but when the package leaves...not only do you lose the mate, you lose the child as well. That can hurt more than losing the relationship because the relationship with the kids, there are no ulterior motives or you're not being played...
I think there are some layers that need to be peeled back regarding stepfatherhood.
Some of this backlash against stepfatherhood is rooted in the fact that we have too many young ladies who have had children with men whom they could never have a future with and you're stuck being involved in her tangled web of bullshit and there numerous young men who are in their graves much earlier than they should be because they got caught up in these situations.
Some of this backlash against stepfatherhood is rooted in the fact that we have too many young ladies who have had children with men whom they could never have a future with and you're stuck being involved in her tangled web of bullshit and there numerous young men who are in their graves much earlier than they should be because they got caught up in these situations.
My best friend, let's call him Colorado. He met his now ex-wife when her daughter was 2 years old and his son was one. Her daughter used to call him Colorado. Very smart little kid.
When she was 11 years old, she went to go stay with her birth father for the summer... That shit lasted 2 weeks. When she returned home she started calling him Dad instead of Colorado.
Five years ago, his now ex-wife started losing her shit. She's a little batshit because she was molested by her father growing up. She started going crazy and she smacked her daughter in the face for some bullshit.
She hasn't seen her mother in 4 years and when she comes home from college she stays at her Dad's place.
That's it, I couldn't do it. I'm not built to handle somebody else's kids, but if you do it I wouldn't say you're crazy for doing it unless the chick has like three four five six kids. Then that's crazy
the step word was never used, three non- blood children raised ..... all happy functioning/prosperous adults ..... my shyt worked out perfect .....
Understood, CUDOS... I only used it (in parenthesis) to avoid confusion is my attempt to make my point..... If you accept the responsibility of being in the child's life, why wouldn't you fill it with POSITIVITY?....
With so many single Mom's and kids with deadbeat dad's, someone has to step in/up to help assist with raising the kids.
When you get into a relationship with a woman with kids, it can't always be "Fuck them kids, I'm just here to fuck"!
I was fortunate enough to have the first wife work in harmony with the second wife with raising them .....
Yep, you are right they aint the same, but they are similar enough in most situations. Fathers can end up alone just like stepfathers ... good ones, bad ones and those in between.
Did you pay for their college?
Those that went earned full rides pretty much
What hurts the most is when your real kids say they love a step-parents more than you. I know my step daughter say it her dad. Also my ex's daughter tells her dad she wishes I was her dad. Personally I know my mom feels jealous that her kids and grandkids have great relationship with step-mom.
That’s what’s up…
There's just something lost if your kids don't respect you and you can't put the fear of God in them by just talking.
Add to that the parent being beyond ignant.
Would he shoot or pull a gun on a landscaper for not doing something correctly on his lawn?
Rarely I've ever had to put my hands on my kids. Not cause I don't believe in it, they just respected and feared us.
If he didn't want to do chores, just take things away that matters to him. Cell, intanet, and feed him like he doing time. Bread and butter, lol.
Oh you wanted dinner? That's for people who contribute to this house.
It's an L take from TK, not his first bad take out of many. I think single parents should date each other and Brady Bunch it, that seems to work out most of the time. I've dated my fair share of single moms usually with children over 12 and I don't meet them until I'm serious with her.
This recently happened, sad af. Be careful who you bring around your kids.
nypost.com
This recently happened, sad af. Be careful who you bring around your kids.
Mom, her 2 young kids brutally murdered by irate ex-boyfriend in Jersey City domestic violence attack
Luisa Urbano, 31 – as well as her kids, Juan Martin Urbano, 9, and Diana Ramirez, 5 – were found stabbed to death around 12:15 a.m. inside an apartment on Hutton Avenue near Liberty Avenue, accordi…
nypost.com
This was hate, he hated his stepson and hated his wife and himself. He never should have got involved with a woman that had a kid and the mother should have taken every warning sign seriously