BGOL stepfathers, what say you ?

[Gully]

Bruh, I have a friend who married a woman with kids.

He loved those kids and gave them all that he had. He was close to adopting them.

Unfortunately, she divorced him and now, the kids that he loved have no connection or communication.

Just imagine if he did adopt them. He would be on the hook for child support.

Being a stepfather is risky. Prepare for all outcomes.

I would never do it, and to me the men who do are dumb asses.

Man same scenario. I was asked to adopt early on as well, but I was playa enough to not take her word for everything and evaluate the situation before riding with her side. Me and her dad talked, he always did what he was ordered to do which was get his daughter on the weekends. She got mad because when he got his daughter he just would drop her off at his mothers house, but I convinced her that it was none of her business what he did, as long as the kid was safe and taken care of. I even convinced her not to put him on child support because her daughter literally got everything she ever wanted and never needed anything. She literally had 2 sets of mothers and two fathers, and 3 grandparents. Kid ended up great. Never got a B in her life, full ride to college, and recently graduated with some type of computer design degree that will net her a lot of money. I am more than 60 percent responsible for her upbringing because I was there for 10 years, provided shelter, food and money as I made much more money than her father, and saved him child support, and literally have no relationship with the child. All because my dumb ass was in love with her mother. I would never do that shit again.

 

[KA$H]

I'm approaching my mid 40s. Was married for almost 20 years. So when I got divorced I was dating women closer to my age. Started dating a woman that was a grandmother pretty much since the kid was born. Kid was calling me "Papo". They had me on the list to pick him up from daycare and the whole nine. Grandma and I decided to take a break last fall. Cool.

Around Christmas I tried to reach out and ask the G-ma what did little man want for Christmas. She snapped "that's not your concern" & hung up the phone. Cut scene to the week of snow in the A, she started trying to reach out and rekindle the relationship, but I put a stop to it. She asked why and I was honest enough and stated that she has her own life going on, and I got caught up playing myself like I was a part of it & didn't want to be subjected to a "dismissed" feeling again if things don't work out.

This bitch went and told people that I didn't want to date her anymore because she had a grandchild. Yeah, I'm good on these heaux. Young or old, they're all the same.

 

[Texas Catdaddy]

There's just something lost if your kids don't respect you and you can't put the fear of God in them by just talking.

Add to that the parent being beyond ignant.
Would he shoot or pull a gun on a landscaper for not doing something correctly on his lawn?

Rarely I've ever had to put my hands on my kids. Not cause I don't believe in it, they just respected and feared us.

If he didn't want to do chores, just take things away that matters to him. Cell, intanet, and feed him like he doing time. Bread and butter, lol.

Oh you wanted dinner? That's for people who contribute to this house.

my deep ass voice helped a hell of a lot .....

 

[jack walsh13]

I agree with him. Being a stepfather is a thankless, unbalanced arrangement. Here's the 3 reasons I've stuck to since I was in college:

1. Relationship is automatically out of balance because you make her the most important person in your life and the best you can be to her is 2nd behind her children.
2. Stepfathers have to be ok being exposed to her ex at any given time. No man wants to come home from work and see another nigga that used to fuck his wife sitting up in the house he pays for.
3. Dealing with kids that aren't yours are always a gamble. At any given time you may have to deal with a step daughter saying "he touched me" or a step son squaring up with you in your own living room.

No thanks. Hard pass for me.

Your not wrong with anything you stated here.

 

[moblack]

Much respect to all black men that are strong enough and mature enough to be a father no matter what the title. Step-father god-father Father. Black men got to take our leadership role back. Providing wisdom and guidance for the youth should be the goal of every black man and especially youth you see on a regular basis. If you just fucking the mom and ignoring the kids you a piece of shit.

Seriously ya'll it don't take much and don't expect shit out of it. Fathers should expect to feel unappreciated they should expect that the kids are going to side with the mom. It ain't about that. It's about being a role model no matter what the capacity. I think a lot of you never had fathers so you go into it with these ideas that ain't reality. Fatherhood is all give and no take. If you expecting it to be transactional then you ain't being a father. All you can hope for is that you build up enough respect in these kids that they help the next generation like you helped them.

This sounds good and all but a person who expects to be put second and not appreciated sounds like a depressing life. Your kids should be loving you and being appreciative as well. I see why dudes be depressed and life be unfulfilled.

 

[Llano]

I'm a keep it 100 & say I can't do it. I don't knock brothers who step up to that role but I strongly don't recommend it especially if you have no kids to begin with.

I've dated a couple cool chicks who actually had well behaved kids but I just couldn't take the relationship further as a man with no kids. One reason was that one of the chicks had a baby daddy that all of a sudden wanted to start static with her. It's just too many things that can go left so I rather start a family fresh on my own with a woman with no baggage.

The only exception would be if you're with an older chick who's an empty nester but them adult kids better have their shit together even then lol.

 

[debovette]

Im one currently, a 15 yo boy and a 18 yo girl. It definitely isnt for the weak. Been in the children's lives for about 9 years now. Its aggravating as SHIT when you try to show the children whats right and wrong, then seeing them run to their mama anyway. Even worse, their sorry ass daddy live like 3 miles down the road, and have no interest in them, until recently. My thoughts:

- If you gonna take the role on, definitely do it in the early stages, like when the child is 1year -3years old. I wouldnt try it when the child is like 5years and up.
- Live your live but make sure you keep just enough space between everyone so that if yall break up you dont stay attached. I have to reinterate that every so often to the wife.
- Speaking of, make it clear up front, and over time to the GF/Wife, that those are NOT your kids, but you were gracious to accept them and care for them as yours.

 

[bkqns718]

Personal opinion, I don't agree with this shit. Been there done it, and I think it takes a selfless and strong brother to raise children that you didn't create.

You know I don't generally post shit like this, I post naked heauxs, shit just sounded retarded to me.

I am not a stepfather but I wish the same energy was spent on calling out dead beat fathers

 

[RoomService]

Man same scenario. I was asked to adopt early on as well, but I was playa enough to not take her word for everything and evaluate the situation before riding with her side. Me and her dad talked, he always did what he was ordered to do which was get his daughter on the weekends. She got mad because when he got his daughter he just would drop her off at his mothers house, but I convinced her that it was none of her business what he did, as long as the kid was safe and taken care of. I even convinced her not to put him on child support because her daughter literally got everything she ever wanted and never needed anything. She literally had 2 sets of mothers and two fathers, and 3 grandparents. Kid ended up great. Never got a B in her life, full ride to college, and recently graduated with some type of computer design degree that will net her a lot of money. I am more than 60 percent responsible for her upbringing because I was there for 10 years, provided shelter, food and money as I made much more money than her father, and saved him child support, and literally have no relationship with the child. All because my dumb ass was in love with her mother. I would never do that shit again.

Yah going to bless you.
All bullshitting aside, you did what you believed was right in your heart, and for that, you made a positive impact on someone’s life.

 

[Temujin]

This sounds good and all but a person who expects to be put second and not appreciated sounds like a depressing life. Your kids should be loving you and being appreciative as well. I see why dudes be depressed and life be unfulfilled.

If you doing it for the trophies you ain't doing it right. Honestly I tell brothers if you feel that way don't be a father. It's a thankless job. If you ain't got that kind of unconditional love in your heart don't sign up for the job. Kids don't know how to be appreciative kids don't know how to love you got to teach them that. You can never expect it to be anywhere equal. When it's done out of love there are never any regrets. I don't expect anything but respect. I will be treated with respect but you don't have to love or appreciate me.

And as a person with a son and God kids and step kids ain't no experience more fulfilling than helping a child learn something new or see a new place or do something they have never done before the joy I get in my heart by helping them experience being a child is beyond measure. It's my thank you to all the adults that helped me develop into the man that I am. And that's what I hope to get from it not for me but for the next kid that's helped because they remember how someone helped them.

I raised my son since he was 3years old he just lived with me. I use to make him dinner and let him take it to his room to eat. He was an only child. One time I come to the kitchen later and literally the whole plate of food was tossed in the trash can. LOL Mind you my son was maybe 6. I flipped out in my head for about 30 seconds took a deep breath asked my self was I mad about the wasted food (mind you it's a kid's plate so maybe 3 dollars worth of food) or was I mad because he thought my cooking was trash. LOL. I realized I was more mad because he thought my cooking was trash so I laughed realized it was my ego and as an adult I can teach him from this better by being rational. I told him if he didn't like food he doesn't have to eat it but don't waste it and then I taught his ass how to cook.

The fulfillment is not from the kids telling you thanks dad. For me it comes from them even asking me to help them with their homework. Trusting me enough to call me when they are hungry. That's the validation I'm the type of man I want to be.

If my whole life is just about making myself happy then my time on this earth was just one big masturbation session. LOL I ain't about that.

 

[Texas Catdaddy]

Yah going to bless you.
All bullshitting aside, you did what you believed was right in your heart, and for that, you made a positive impact on someone’s life.

this, all day .....

 

[RoomService]

If you doing it for the trophies you ain't doing it right. Honestly I tell brothers if you feel that way don't be a father. It's a thankless job. If you ain't got that kind of unconditional love in your heart don't sign up for the job. Kids don't know how to be appreciative kids don't know how to love you got to teach them that. You can never expect it to be anywhere equal. When it's done out of love there are never any regrets. I don't expect anything but respect. I will be treated with respect but you don't have to love or appreciate me.

And as a person with a son and God kids and step kids ain't no experience more fulfilling than helping a child learn something new or see a new place or do something they have never done before the joy I get in my heart by helping them experience being a child is beyond measure. It's my thank you to all the adults that helped me develop into the man that I am. And that's what I hope to get from it not for me but for the next kid that's helped because they remember how someone helped them.

I raised my son since he was 3years old he just lived with me. I use to make him dinner and let him take it to his room to eat. He was an only child. One time I come to the kitchen later and literally the whole plate of food was tossed in the trash can. LOL Mind you my son was maybe 6. I flipped out in my head for about 30 seconds took a deep breath asked my self was I mad about the wasted food (mind you it's a kid's plate so maybe 3 dollars worth of food) or was I mad because he thought my cooking was trash. LOL. I realized I was more mad because he thought my cooking was trash so I laughed realized it was my ego and as an adult I can teach him from this better by being rational. I told him if he didn't like food he doesn't have to eat it but don't waste it and then I taught his ass how to cook.

The fulfillment is not from the kids telling you thanks dad. For me it comes from them even asking me to help them with their homework. Trusting me enough to call me when they are hungry. That's the validation I'm the type of man I want to be.

If my whole life is just about making myself happy then my time on this earth was just one big masturbation session. LOL I ain't about that.

 

[woodchuck]

Dudes need to stop basing everybody's experiences on their own. Just because it wasn't good for you, doesn't mean it won't be good for others.