BGOL stpefathers, what say you ?

[Darrkman]

These threads always bring out the BGOL incels.

 

[babydaddy]

This post made me think of this video. Foolishness from this babydaddy is embarrassing. Fool took his kid once his baby mama called him out about child support. Now this is the drama you want to avoid.

 

[Pimpslap Slim]

We in the same house and we have a child together but we both have a child from a previous relationship, ain't no way I'm treating her kid any different from my own. Especially if the kids young.

 

[yureeka9]

I understand how you feel, but....

Ultimately this boils down to the quality of 'WOMAN' you're dealing with. I capitalized the word woman to emphasize that if you're dealing with a reasonable, quality, well adjusted adult of the female persuasion... (not that common, I'll agree)... then none of the above will ever be an issue. Maybe I got lucky, but I know that my wife (27yrs and counting) understood respecting me(as the man in the relationship), herself, as well as how we interact with our son(my step) and his birth father(another quality adult) was the key. I guess the common denominator in this being a successful endeavor is 'Everyone is acting like they have sense, having the child's best interest, and respecting each other as GROWN-ASS Adults'. When you attempt this with immature, irrational, childish acting, adults(sometimes jealous)... 'Results may vary'.

Choose your life partners wisely.

Sounds like you may have found a rare unicorn.

 

[Mixd]

There's many scenarios that can be at play. Yes I was/am a stepdad and had kids with my wife after her firstborn. Raised all them ungrateful mofo's the same. They all are entitled kids who were raised with all they wanted, spoiled.
I say that to say, I did my role as a father, financially and with morals, setting foundation as a parent.

Being a parent aint for everyone. It's a thankless job, whether it's yours or not.
Empty nester now, they're all out the crib. would I do it again, yes and no. Every situation is different and "complicated".
The stepchild dad had no communication and never met his child, doing a bid since he was months old. He eventually got out a few years ago, had a heart attack and died. So was basically nonexistent.

Every situation ain't like mine. Really had to analyze the situation b4 stepping thru that door, but I was young as well when I met the wife. Both were.

 

[jerrynuevo]

It's near impossible to know a chick in her 40s that sane and childless....

I shudder at the thought of dating in this world with the mentality of females and the overly masculine roles chicks try to take. Plus, I'm not into young chicks..

 

[WorldEX]

I'm step dad to one daughter and I love her dearly. My parents are divorced and it was still got love from my step parents. My kids are happy and that is all that matters!

 

[Basetip]

Sounds like you may have found a rare unicorn.

I say a prayer everyday.... I've been on the other side, and I'm thankful I survived(relationship with my 1st wife was a disaster).

 

[REDLINE]

Bruh, I have a friend who married a woman with kids.

He loved those kids and gave them all that he had. He was close to adopting them.

Unfortunately, she divorced him and now, the kids that he loved have no connection or communication.

Just imagine if he did adopt them. He would be on the hook for child support.

Being a stepfather is risky. Prepare for all outcomes.

I would never do it, and to me the men who do are dumb asses.

There's biological Dad's that go through the same issues.

Divorce from the Mom, and then the kids take the Mom's side and no longer give a shit about the Dad.

It happens, but it's definitely more likely to happen in a Step-Dad situation.

 

[REDLINE]

I'm step dad to one daughter and I love her dearly. My parents are divorced and it was still got love from my step parents. My kids are happy and that is all that matters!

Great stuff!

 

[REDLINE]

There's many scenarios that can be at play. Yes I was/am a stepdad and had kids with my wife after her firstborn. Raised all them ungrateful mofo's the same. They all are entitled kids who were raised with all they wanted, spoiled.
I say that to say, I did my role as a father, financially and with morals, setting foundation as a parent.

Being a parent aint for everyone. It's a thankless job, whether it's yours or not.
Empty nester now, they're all out the crib. would I do it again, yes and no. Every situation is different and "complicated".
The stepchild dad had no communication and never met his child, doing a bid since he was months old. He eventually got out a few years ago, had a heart attack and died. So was basically nonexistent.

Every situation ain't like mine. Really had to analyze the situation b4 stepping thru that door, but I was young as well when I met the wife. Both were.

Good stuff man!

 

[REDLINE]

We in the same house and we have a child together but we both have a child from a previous relationship, ain't no way I'm treating her kid any different from my own. Especially if the kids young.

Props

 

[mk23666]

Personal opinion, I don't agree with this shit. Been there done it, and I think it takes a selfless and strong brother to raise children that you didn't create.

You know I don't generally post shit like this, I post naked heauxs, shit just sounded retarded to me.

IMO being a stepfather is only worth it if you understand the harm in growing up without a father figure. It's more than just being an older male in your life, your taking on a greater role as an actual father. If they have a daddy in their life being a father to them, then you might not have to be anything more than their momma's boyfriend/husband or just an older male figure in their life.

Being a father, whether it is the actual blood father or a stepfather is one of the most important things you can do in life, so maybe he's right to be mentally and emotionally bitter ... everybody aint made to bear that kind of responsibility.

 

[mk23666]

I ain't no step dad but I know of a few guys that have taken on that role and it's not easy but as time goes on that's the only father they know and the respect,love,appreciation is a direct reflection of what their mother has for that man so.

If momma doesn't give a fuck about him,the kids/adults won't either

Influence is strong and it doesn't have a title most times but a young mind knows it when they see it....be it mom,dad,grandfather,grandmother,sister,brother,neighbor,gang member,drug dealer,rapper, or whatever.

The more I think about what you posted, the more I think that the guy in the video failed as a stepfather because he also failed as a boyfriend and that's why those kids didn't respect him in the end and wanted nothing to do with him afterwards either ... It's like you said, "If momma doesn't give a fuck about him then the kids won't give a fuck about him either. Influence is strong." And it's also a dual edged sword.

 

[CptMARVEL]

*Sigh*
Just more of that redpill/manosphere bullshit being spouted off by yet another fearful, ignorant brother.

My question to him is: What if you also have children when you meet this woman? Should she view your kids with the same distain?
Or...
What she has NO children, but you do? Should she judge you and your kids with the same assessment?

I agree with him. Being a stepfather is a thankless, unbalanced arrangement. Here's the 3 reasons I've stuck to since I was in college:

1. Relationship is automatically out of balance because you make her the most important person in your life and the best you can be to her is 2nd behind her children.
2. Stepfathers have to be ok being exposed to her ex at any given time. No man wants to come home from work and see another nigga that used to fuck his wife sitting up in the house he pays for.
3. Dealing with kids that aren't yours are always a gamble. At any given time you may have to deal with a step daughter saying "he touched me" or a step son squaring up with you in your own living room.

No thanks. Hard pass for me.

#1. If you feel you have to "compete" with her children for her affection to prioritize your relationship, then you've already lost.
This is a conversation y'all should've had when you began dating or getting serious. And a man who makes a woman choose between him and her children, obviously hasn't learned how to properly function in a blended family.

#2. It's called "Setting Boundaries". A single mother should've set those up after the relationship with the child's father ended and LONG before you ever came along. The same goes for single father's raising their own children.

#3. Again; it's all about setting boundaries. It's also about getting to know those children well enough over a course of time to know who they are and how they act.
- Most importantly, to figure out whether or not you CAN have a relationship with them.

Black men have "stepping up" for hundreds of years in America. Statistically, they are THE MOST involved fathers with their children of any other race in the country.

And clearly, that ain't limited to just their own biological children...