Crazy internet confessions......(post 'em)
- Thread starter the artist
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Wow.....on Reddit
My uncle SA-ed me when I was younger, and now I hate that he wouldn't dare to do it again.
These things happened a good while ago but the memories are only now coming back to me unfortunately.
He's a nice guy, generally. He went to all my events my father didn't care to, he went to my preschool graduation.. He took me out for my birthday and bought me Christmas gifts, He's done a lot for me.
So I guess I needed to pay him back.
He'd watch me naked, in the shower, toilet, he'd just sit there with the curtain open, since the only thing separating the bathroom in his room because yes, I bathed in his room, was a curtain.
Okay, I didn't think much of that, constantly opening the curtain to check on me despite being old enough to bathe on my own? It wasn't even because I took long, he would just walk into his room and open the curtain if I was there.
Two, well.. The pet names, he always used pet names more than anything else, never really used my name, it rubbed me the wrong way but I assured myself he was just trying to be affectionate.
What really did it for me was probably recent memories that I'm not even sure of the credibility.
His hands wandered, he'd bring me to sit on his lap which I never liked as a kid for whatever reason. He'd wrap his hand around my waist, and his hand from then on would wander, all I know is that it went places it shouldn't have and I feel so guilty for even thinking of this, and seeing him in a bad way when he's literally been the pillar in my life, he was always there, always assured me after my parents fought, he was really my everything.
So I forgave him, I excused it as much as I could. I still do since he's always been there for me, he's still nice and I guess I hate that about him since it makes him so hard to hate.
This sounds bad but I want him to hurt me again, I've been vulnerable in front of him so often yet he doesn't touch me, not at all. Only once he brought me onto his lap after he stopped being.. Like that with me and that was when I was 13/14, but my mother stopped it since I was "too old for that" everytime he's near I'm afraid he'll hurt me again, but when he doesn't I feel disappointed, I was anticipating it yet nothing happened.
And now, I can't fucking get off without him plaguing my mind.
I hate it, I hate it so much and I hate sex but I crave it, yet only stupid taboo shit comes to mind and I hate it,I don't want to crave sex, I'm annoyingly hypersexual but I just can't get off without those stupid stupid thoughts. I thought I didn't want him to hurt me again but then why do I have these thoughts? Why does the thought of him hurting me like that again seem so nice? I feel like I'm overdramatic, like I'm making things worse than it actually was because I know for sure he never raped me, he only ever touched, and I can't express how ashamed and gross I feel whenever I indulge in anything sexual, I'm so frustrated right now.
It ruined my relationships, because I can't stand anyone touching me, anyone wanting to be intimate with me. I don't know what to do anymore. I have these awful nightmares sometimes, at one point they were extremely frequent, happening every night where I'd be paralyzed and couldn't do anything, just laying there, couldn't even see as well. Like sleep paralysis but then I'd feel hands, I'd feel hands all over me, wandering, pulling my shirt and bra up, pulling my underwear down and just touching.
One dream was so bad that I actually felt the burn of penetration when I know he's never stuck it in.. I don't want these things. Yet when I woke up, I was wet as fuck, it wasn't a wet dream why the fuck was I into it when the whole time in the dream I was crying, I was begging for it to stop, for him to go away but now I feel like I wanted it and UGHHHHHH.
I'm so fucked in the head and no one but my sisters believes me since he's watched them naked as well. Maybe he's just lonely because he's never had a wife?
Oh well, guess I'll just have to get over it. (16 rn)
My uncle SA-ed me when I was younger, and now I hate that he wouldn't dare to do it again.
These things happened a good while ago but the memories are only now coming back to me unfortunately.
He's a nice guy, generally. He went to all my events my father didn't care to, he went to my preschool graduation.. He took me out for my birthday and bought me Christmas gifts, He's done a lot for me.
So I guess I needed to pay him back.
He'd watch me naked, in the shower, toilet, he'd just sit there with the curtain open, since the only thing separating the bathroom in his room because yes, I bathed in his room, was a curtain.
Okay, I didn't think much of that, constantly opening the curtain to check on me despite being old enough to bathe on my own? It wasn't even because I took long, he would just walk into his room and open the curtain if I was there.
Two, well.. The pet names, he always used pet names more than anything else, never really used my name, it rubbed me the wrong way but I assured myself he was just trying to be affectionate.
What really did it for me was probably recent memories that I'm not even sure of the credibility.
His hands wandered, he'd bring me to sit on his lap which I never liked as a kid for whatever reason. He'd wrap his hand around my waist, and his hand from then on would wander, all I know is that it went places it shouldn't have and I feel so guilty for even thinking of this, and seeing him in a bad way when he's literally been the pillar in my life, he was always there, always assured me after my parents fought, he was really my everything.
So I forgave him, I excused it as much as I could. I still do since he's always been there for me, he's still nice and I guess I hate that about him since it makes him so hard to hate.
This sounds bad but I want him to hurt me again, I've been vulnerable in front of him so often yet he doesn't touch me, not at all. Only once he brought me onto his lap after he stopped being.. Like that with me and that was when I was 13/14, but my mother stopped it since I was "too old for that" everytime he's near I'm afraid he'll hurt me again, but when he doesn't I feel disappointed, I was anticipating it yet nothing happened.
And now, I can't fucking get off without him plaguing my mind.
I hate it, I hate it so much and I hate sex but I crave it, yet only stupid taboo shit comes to mind and I hate it,I don't want to crave sex, I'm annoyingly hypersexual but I just can't get off without those stupid stupid thoughts. I thought I didn't want him to hurt me again but then why do I have these thoughts? Why does the thought of him hurting me like that again seem so nice? I feel like I'm overdramatic, like I'm making things worse than it actually was because I know for sure he never raped me, he only ever touched, and I can't express how ashamed and gross I feel whenever I indulge in anything sexual, I'm so frustrated right now.
It ruined my relationships, because I can't stand anyone touching me, anyone wanting to be intimate with me. I don't know what to do anymore. I have these awful nightmares sometimes, at one point they were extremely frequent, happening every night where I'd be paralyzed and couldn't do anything, just laying there, couldn't even see as well. Like sleep paralysis but then I'd feel hands, I'd feel hands all over me, wandering, pulling my shirt and bra up, pulling my underwear down and just touching.
One dream was so bad that I actually felt the burn of penetration when I know he's never stuck it in.. I don't want these things. Yet when I woke up, I was wet as fuck, it wasn't a wet dream why the fuck was I into it when the whole time in the dream I was crying, I was begging for it to stop, for him to go away but now I feel like I wanted it and UGHHHHHH.
I'm so fucked in the head and no one but my sisters believes me since he's watched them naked as well. Maybe he's just lonely because he's never had a wife?
Oh well, guess I'll just have to get over it. (16 rn)
I've always said that the marriage is fot the couple and the wedding is for everyone else. Some of the longest marries that I know of were done at the courthouse
Exactly, I just had an argument about not wanting to have a big wedding, because it shouldn't be about how much you spend on a wedding and inviting people who don't care about you and only want to come around to drink, eat and party..
So, therefore I rather get married at the courthouse and then have a nice banquet hall to eat, drink and party at.
Right, they wanna gossip, get full, drunk and bring you a toaster.
I've known folks that have gotten a divorce before the rings are even paid off.
Most of my wife's coworkers who got married around the time that we did or after who are all divorced. She and I had a very small wedding. Basically the children, in-laws, nieces and nephews. We're still going nearly 20 years strong. Didn't need the hoopla.
Right, back then my Mom & Dad, uncles and aunts, grandfather on both my mom and dad side of the family got married at church with a small family who attended and then found a nice banquet hall to eat, drink and party at.Right, they wanna gossip, get full, drunk and bring you a toaster.
I've known folks that have gotten a divorce before the rings are even paid off.
Most of my wife's coworkers who got married around the time that we did or after who are all divorced. She and I had a very small wedding. Basically the children, in-laws, nieces and nephews. We're still going nearly 20 years strong. Didn't need the hoopla.
My cousin who had a expensive wedding where Allen Iverson got married at back then got a divorce when their marriage didn't last long. Also, all the people who attended her wedding, those same amount of people never came to her family gatherings at all.
That's why it's dumb and pointless getting married somewhere expensive when you don't know how long that marriage gonna last. Also, most people have went into debt having these expensive weddings.
But everyone has a right to do what they want, I just prefer getting married at a courthouse.
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Congrats, i wish y'all many more years to come.