How black people can emotionally protect themselves in the age of #BlackLivesMatter
- Thread starter Camille
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Vol 3: Think Happy Thoughts While Catching Hell
Peace.
Black folks have been catching hell since we’ve been in this country, and we keep catching hell today. There’s a perpetual pressure and need for black folks to find a way to balance our mental anguish and rage—born of micro-aggressions, aggressions, and disrespect—with positivity in order to function. Thank God (love) black folks have mastered this skill. Otherwise, we’d be consumed by hate.
There’s a dope track “Think Happy Thoughts” by Denmark Vesey (video below) that is one of the best acts of black love in Hip Hop history. It’s insanely relevant and timely too. The collective black psyche is traumatized, from the poorest among us raising babies in public housing to our most accomplished whose kids attend Montessori schools, we keep seeing people that look just like us shot dead by civil servants sworn to protect us. “Think Happy Thoughts” is a guided meditation to help heal and root out the infectious thoughts born from this state of affairs…and deafening silence from so many of our “friends.”
The lyrics, production, and video are A+, and are something all hu(e)mans need to see, hear, and feel. We can’t prevent all instances of racial and social injustice, but we can prevent it from defining our reality. Since all actions are first thoughts, a happy and productive future requires us to “Think Happy Thoughts.”
https://abernathymagazine.com/think-happy-thoughts/
Peace.
Black folks have been catching hell since we’ve been in this country, and we keep catching hell today. There’s a perpetual pressure and need for black folks to find a way to balance our mental anguish and rage—born of micro-aggressions, aggressions, and disrespect—with positivity in order to function. Thank God (love) black folks have mastered this skill. Otherwise, we’d be consumed by hate.
There’s a dope track “Think Happy Thoughts” by Denmark Vesey (video below) that is one of the best acts of black love in Hip Hop history. It’s insanely relevant and timely too. The collective black psyche is traumatized, from the poorest among us raising babies in public housing to our most accomplished whose kids attend Montessori schools, we keep seeing people that look just like us shot dead by civil servants sworn to protect us. “Think Happy Thoughts” is a guided meditation to help heal and root out the infectious thoughts born from this state of affairs…and deafening silence from so many of our “friends.”
The lyrics, production, and video are A+, and are something all hu(e)mans need to see, hear, and feel. We can’t prevent all instances of racial and social injustice, but we can prevent it from defining our reality. Since all actions are first thoughts, a happy and productive future requires us to “Think Happy Thoughts.”
https://abernathymagazine.com/think-happy-thoughts/
Bump
Who am I kidding, half of the new breed folks are emotional fem thinking males and the women are women who don't need no man telling them to calm down...
Its funny that a real man has not problems with none of that emotional bullshit, but the half fags new breed are soft as fuck..
Just to think in the 60's black was surviving getting attacked by dogs and sprayed by fire hoes, now we go to emotion bitch mode over twitter post...
Who am I kidding, half of the new breed folks are emotional fem thinking males and the women are women who don't need no man telling them to calm down...
Its funny that a real man has not problems with none of that emotional bullshit, but the half fags new breed are soft as fuck..
Just to think in the 60's black was surviving getting attacked by dogs and sprayed by fire hoes, now we go to emotion bitch mode over twitter post...
So you think trauma and PTSD aren't real? And you think that because resources were not available, or the awareness of help needed in the 60's that that negated the need to protect one's mind then and now? Or that black people weren't coping then with harmful means such as drugs and alcohol or even being abusive to others to take out their stress? Being emotionally affected by something doesn't mean you are WEAK. It means you are HUMAN. I can promise you that it is psychologically damaging to see how black life is disrespected on a daily basis. I can also promise you that it is important to be aware of how you are being affected whether by news or being on the front lines and that it is necessary to take what ever steps are necessary to protect your mind so you can continue on with the least amount of damage to yourself and those around you.
If I don't know them personally, chances are I'm not following them. I also follow a couple white people that I've come across and have deemed to not be CACs, but they're few and far in between.
I feel you on the blue lives matter stuff. I mostly run into that problem on FB, thank God I rarely check it. I'll log in and see my uncle (a cop) or 1 or 2 cats I went to high school with pushing that blue lives matter BS and I just want to ask them why they can't separate being a cop from the situation and just see what the hell... ugh I don't even want to get started
cause they see young black men as niggas
not understanding that other cops
see their nephews, brothers as niggas as well
Who am I kidding, half of the new breed folks are emotional fem thinking males and the women are women who don't need no man telling them to calm down...
Its funny that a real man has not problems with none of that emotional bullshit, but the half fags new breed are soft as fuck..
Just to think in the 60's black was surviving getting attacked by dogs and sprayed by fire hoes, now we go to emotion bitch mode over twitter post...
brother
i see it everyday here in north cali
soft mofos
i just stay away from that whole "micro aggression" crowd
go tell the grandparents about your micro aggressions
brother
i see it everyday here in north cali
soft mofos
i just stay away from that whole "micro aggression" crowd
go tell the grandparents about your micro aggressions
I can't believe you cosigned his BS.
Regardless, the purpose of this thread is to provide resources for healing and self care, not to disparage folks who realize they need it and seek it out.
I tell you, they are fucking with our frequency, fucking with the food, poising us with the music and mass media, they are making us more feminine and weak.. Anyone who been on bgol for over 10 years can notice a change here... This shit has to stop and real men have to step up and fight it!!!brother
i see it everyday here in north cali
soft mofos
i just stay away from that whole "micro aggression" crowd
go tell the grandparents about your micro aggressions
I understand and respect the thread cause there are people who will use the info.
However my observations are still valid.
The people in the bay area are way too sensitive primarily driven by a need to try to make white people nicer.
To make white people act nicely, speak nicely and to be nice to us.
That premise is FLAWED.
cacs are savages
and we have 400 years of history to lean on
I'm not going to take a snake home and try to reform it.
We have to destroy the system NOT bend it to make it work for us.
I was at a workshop couple weeks ago and one mofo was so emotional about his supervisor telling him about his beard.
All this while sitting next to me with dreads by my waist
I was like wtf wonder who his father is and wtf did his father teach him
I go hard in corporate america and white people love me because they respect me and they understand if they fuck with me then i'll fuck with them harder.
They discipline all signs of rebellion and anti out of kids but it's that very thing you need to survive in corporate america.
I don't know if you have ever been on a board but often there are verbal wars and in few cases attempts at physical intimidation.
A lot of this generation is not being groomed to be gangstas and rebels in charting their own course.
The only way I consider disrespect as some hurt shit is if I consider the person.
But from cacs? nah i'm not hurt because i buck back harder
I understand and respect the thread cause there are people who will use the info.
However my observations are still valid.
The people in the bay area are way too sensitive primarily driven by a need to try to make white people nicer.
To make white people act nicely, speak nicely and to be nice to us.
That premise is FLAWED.
cacs are savages
and we have 400 years of history to lean on
I'm not going to take a snake home and try to reform it.
We have to destroy the system NOT bend it to make it work for us.
I was at a workshop couple weeks ago and one mofo was so emotional about his supervisor telling him about his beard.
All this while sitting next to me with dreads by my waist
I was like wtf wonder who his father is and wtf did his father teach him
I go hard in corporate america and white people love me because they respect me and they understand if they fuck with me then i'll fuck with them harder.
They discipline all signs of rebellion and anti out of kids but it's that very thing you need to survive in corporate america.
I don't know if you have ever been on a board but often there are verbal wars and in few cases attempts at physical intimidation.
A lot of this generation is not being groomed to be gangstas and rebels in charting their own course.
The only way I consider disrespect as some hurt shit is if I consider the person.
But from cacs? nah i'm not hurt because i buck back harder
The stress that you are speaking of, though I consider it valid if not on the same scale as other traumas, is not the focus of this thread. We have people on the front line, in protests etc, who have have gotten shot by rubber bullets, tear gassed and everything else. We are getting bombarded DAILY with images of black death and a nation, including some black people, who just don't give a damn. Then we have to go to hostile work environments, carry on as normal, not show anger when discussions are being had etc, it takes a toll. Worry over children going out, having to explain why blacks get treated as we do, and how to cope, it takes a toll. This thread is meant to be a reminder not to lose yourself in all the tragedy, to take a step back, have some perspective, take care of you and find SOME kind of way to have joy and light in your life. As I said earlier, historically black people may or may not have talked about this or put emphasis on these things, but we also had drug use, alcohol abuse, domestic abuse etc. The stress is going to find a way to release, we need to be aware and do it constructively.
Ask yourself how we managed to be strong when we were raped, enslaved, murdered, families torn apart and whupped.... We are a strong people who needs to remember who we are, rather than feel sorry for ourselves now that times are getting a little bit rough..
You won't like my answer, but we had faith in God, whether from the homeland or from Christian teachings. Hope for the future. Most folks consider religion simple platitudes though. They want to praise MLK for his work, but ignore the faith he had that allowed him to do it and stand strong.
The fact that you think self care is feeling sorry for oneself is very telling also. To not acknowledge and heal wounds is counter productive. Relationship-wise you see this in some of the black women you criticize: women who are hurt and bitter, angry over not getting needs met and because they have not taken care of themselves, hard because they haven't healed. You see it in men and women who can't trust, won't marry, can't connect emotionally with someone because they have hurts that haven't healed. Yet acknowledging you have needs and seeking to meet them means you are soft now? SMH. I'm not arguing back and forth with you though. Please take your nonsense elsewhere.
Good post but a lot of it is for the soft human that is being groomed.
Social media can be turned off just like someone you don't like or that you feel is toxic can be turned off.
At the end of the day we are all in this bubble alone.
The world is getting worse, They are (whoever they are) conditioning people to be way passed stupid by making everything convenient so they can do what they do..which is always get more money and power...GREED.
I feel it is easy to dodge this shit...use social media for what works for you. Stay out people's business unless its your business. Simple!
As far as watching the police kill niggas, if you are from any type of hood, you are use to that.
They didn't just start doing this shit and to keep it real, I don't think they doing it any more than they have been doing for a 100 years. It's just easy to see now.
As far as change, it's a lot of hotep niggas that post threads like this but do nothing in their personal life to stop the cycle.
Start doing shit, fuck retweeting.
Social media can be turned off just like someone you don't like or that you feel is toxic can be turned off.
At the end of the day we are all in this bubble alone.
The world is getting worse, They are (whoever they are) conditioning people to be way passed stupid by making everything convenient so they can do what they do..which is always get more money and power...GREED.
I feel it is easy to dodge this shit...use social media for what works for you. Stay out people's business unless its your business. Simple!
As far as watching the police kill niggas, if you are from any type of hood, you are use to that.
They didn't just start doing this shit and to keep it real, I don't think they doing it any more than they have been doing for a 100 years. It's just easy to see now.
As far as change, it's a lot of hotep niggas that post threads like this but do nothing in their personal life to stop the cycle.
Start doing shit, fuck retweeting.
I agree that there are folks who are soft, people who can't take a loss, who whine about nothing, people who lose it and crumble under the slightest bit of pressure or when they don't get their way. (Giving kids trophies for participation, not for actually winning etc, is a pet peeve of mine) but to chalk everything up to that ignores the real trauma, harm, and damage done to black folks. Saying we should be able to shrug off our people getting murdered in the streets, beaten by police, denied justice repeatedly etc, makes no sense to me. If we should be able to shrug all this stuff off like it doesn't affect us, then why discuss it? Why post the stickies? Why not do what white folks want us to do and not talk about it, deny there is racism, deny we are being harmed, keep us invisible? I just can't wrap my mind around that. You don't go into battle without protection. Soldiers wear armor. If they get injured they dress their wounds. Psychological warfare is a term for a reason. When our minds are what is being targeted, our minds need armor and protection, mental wounds need healed. Self care doesn't just mean bubble baths and tea, everyone needs to find what works for and edifies themselves. Even some of the black history posts that are posted here can meet that need, being reminded of what we have accomplished, where we can come from. If we are not self aware tho, if we don't realize we are being affected, we can spiral down into depression and other problems.
Never said shrug it off.
Action..we need real life action.
Social media and the internet is great for keeping people aware...but aware of what!?
Let's use if to keep people aware of the actions that are going to be taken.
Real shit...most "blacks" that use social media are not going to do shit.
They are there to stunt or be in someone else's business.
As a marketer, I can tell you that blacks are the least targeted group when it comes to buying something or doing some type of action.
90 percent of the blacks that are frequently on social media are NIGGAS!
It's just what it is!
Quiet as kept, all this shit started when cable companies started offering free cell phones with their service..well the shit wasn't free...it was get now pay later.
Most "niggas" have a smart phone just for Instagram, Twitter etc...
Ask them can they look something up ans they will have that bewildered look on their face.
Niggas are getting dumber..but pretending like they are intelligent cause they have an iPhone...other races use the internet to expand their world and create networks, bonds ans businesses.
I don't think you'd like my answer, even though its the truth!!! Christianity is the reason why you feel so hopeless and weak its the main reason why we was infected with it as soon as we were enslaved.
Everyone has periods of doubt, depression, hopelessness. My faith is what makes it possible for me not to remain in those ruts. Not everyone has faith to fall back on however, so they need to use what works for them, hopefully avoiding negative coping mechanisms such as drugs or alcohol. Regardless, self awareness of when and how one is being affected so that we can relieve chronic stressors is necessary imo. If you don't feel that way and have nothing useful to add please feel free to stop responding to this thread.
No doubt everyone has hard times and depression is a part of life, however you should know that the power of god is in you not in some religion that the white man invented..
Once you fully understanding that your relationship with god is a codependency relationship, god needs you as much as you need him and not some monarchy bullshit the white may has trained us to believe were we are to bow down and be his servant, then you will get a moment of clarity and understand that you are just as important as the stars in the Universe...
Not saying this will make your life free of stress but it helps put things in perspective knowing that things that we think are big and insurmountable are really bumps in the road and part of the experience of living...
This was a guide put out for teachers for assistance in discussing black lives matter with students in the wake of Ferguson and other extrajudicial killings. Posting it here because we also need to be aware of and be proactive in discussing how our children are handling what they absorb from news and social media, and in some cases being directly affected on the front lines. Make sure to check out two of her student's poems at the end.
~~~~~~~
“How should we talk about Ferguson with our students?” was the scheduled topic for the “Teachers Teaching Teachers” (TTT) discussion on Wednesday, December 3. By the time of the Google hangout at 9 pm ET, the event’s panel of educators was still processing what had happened earlier that day, when a grand jury declined to indict a New York police officer in the chokehold death of Eric Garner, an unarmed black man.
SLJ spoke with Renée Watson, a member of the TTT panel, who offers a unique perspective as both an educator at DreamYard, an arts education organization in the Bronx, NY, and author. Her books include Harlem’s Little Blackbird: The Story of Florence Mills (Random House, 2012) and the upcoming YA novel This Side of Home (Bloomsbury), due out in February 2015. Watson has also worked as a writer-in-residence, teaching creative writing and theater in public schools and community centers nationwide.
The TTT conversation was very powerful. Particularly given the Garner decision, emotions were very raw among your fellow educators. And I bet the same thing is happening in schools across the country. How can teachers help kids in dealing with their emotions?
Yes, emotions are still raw for many of us. It’s been a heavy week. Here are a few ideas for helping young people process their feelings:
“If we’re doing our jobs as educators, I don’t understand how you’re not having this conversation,” you said Wednesday. For those who haven’t already, how would you recommend launching such a conversation in class?
I believe classrooms should be spaces where young people learn history, discuss and understand current events, and learn skills to apply in their future to create a better world. I try to set the expectation from day one with my students that we discuss what is happening in our world, which means, they are expected to watch the news, read the newspaper, pay attention.
For educators who do not normally talk about current events and/or have not talked about race, power, injustice in their classrooms, I think starting with an honest acknowledgment of what’s happening can be a place to start. I think letting students know that we are human, that we care about what is going on in the world, and that we are thinking about what’s happening is important. A teacher I know told her students, “I don’t know if you all have been paying attention to what’s been happening, but I have. And I have a lot of questions and I’m not sure how to talk about it but I just wanted to acknowledge that there’s a lot going on. If anyone wants to talk, I can find support for you.” She went on to teach her lesson, but taking this first step to bring it up let students know that it’s okay to have feelings about what’s happening. She referred the two students who came to her after class to the school counselor. Other teachers asked students to write their questions about Ferguson on an index card. The teachers reviewed the questions and held a joint class discussion, where they shared the facilitation of responding to the questions. I also know of schools that held assemblies and forums after school for students who signed up.
Also, I wonder how these discussions are playing out in predominantly white classrooms and communities?
I believe we should provide opportunities in our classrooms where students see themselves in the curriculum and where they have to empathize and step out of their own experiences. We cannot reserve conversations about race, racism, privilege, power, and injustice to schools that educate children of color. We need young people—from all backgrounds—to take ownership of this democracy and see themselves as active citizens, change makers, and allies.
What about students who don’t want to talk about how they’re feeling?
It’s not uncommon for students to not want to talk about how they’re feeling. Some students aren’t even aware of what’s going on, and there are others who know, but may not have strong feelings about it. In some cases, students may be desensitized to violence and injustice. I am constantly checking myself to remain open and not have any preconceived notions about what my students are thinking and feeling. My goal is not to make them feel or think any one particular way, but rather to get them to think and feel.
I never want to force a child to speak. I want them to know that if they need or want to talk about it, they can. Sometimes, for difficult topics I facilitate one of the following activities.
These have been a good starting place for me to take the temperature of the room and get a sense of what students are thinking.
You said “They have the hype but not the facts.” I think that could be said of many adults concerning recent events, including the shooting of unarmed teenager Michael Brown in Ferguson, MO. How do you teach students the facts—separate from the hype—and is there an element of media literacy you impart here?
My favorite methods are the Know-Want to Know-Learned Chart, where students list what they know already, what they want to know, and at the end of the unit, what they learned.
I also bring articles into the classroom. Paired with art, articles ground the artmaking and give material for students to use, speak back to, and get inspiration—and of course, facts, from. My poetry lesson, “Happening Yesterday, Happened Tomorrow” gives an example of how I use articles in the classroom for the dual purpose of fact-finding and artmaking.
Poetry is a big part of your teaching, as documented in your upcoming article for Rethinking Schools, “Happening Yesterday, Happening Tomorrow: teaching the ongoing murders of black men.” Willie Perdomo’s “Forty One Bullets Off Broadway,” about the killing of Amadou Diallo, has been a central work. But you also mention using Langston Hughes and Maya Angelou in the same lessons. Poetry has appeared to be really effective with your students. Why?
Art can provide a structured outlet for students to express how they feel. I think poetry works with young people because there is so much freedom. They can speak from their own perspective or someone else’s, , dream up a new outcome. I also make it a practice to share a photo of the poet, whose work we’re studying. I think when students understand artists as people who overcame adversity, who used art to take a stand, who were both flawed and brilliant, they find hope that they, too, can be creators and makers and continue the legacy.
This same week marked the 59th anniversary of Rosa Parks’s refusal to move from her seat on a bus. That, as a lesson, is “civil rights with a bow tied around it,” said teacher Chris Rogers on TTT. How can we reconcile the historical struggle for democracy with what’s happening today, right now?
I think it’s important to commemorate the Montgomery boycott. It’s a good way for young people to have context for the ongoing struggle for freedom and equality in our nation. When teaching about the civil rights movement—especially about Rosa Parks—it’s important to also teach about Claudette Colvin, to really help young people understand the planning, discipline, collaborating, and perseverance it took for the boycotters to organize. The problem is that educators often stop when the boycott ends and “they all lived happily ever after.” What’s more realistic, more inspiring maybe, is to say, “They won that battle and there many more to fight.” This way, young people see themselves on the continuum of change. If we can recognize and celebrate how far we’ve come while acknowledging how much work there is left to do, we can help students understand—and remind ourselves—that this is a marathon not a sprint.
You’ve inspired students to express themselves in creative work. Is there anything of theirs that you can share?
http://www.slj.com/2014/12/diversit...er-slj-talks-to-educator-author-renee-watson/
~~~~~~~
“How should we talk about Ferguson with our students?” was the scheduled topic for the “Teachers Teaching Teachers” (TTT) discussion on Wednesday, December 3. By the time of the Google hangout at 9 pm ET, the event’s panel of educators was still processing what had happened earlier that day, when a grand jury declined to indict a New York police officer in the chokehold death of Eric Garner, an unarmed black man.
SLJ spoke with Renée Watson, a member of the TTT panel, who offers a unique perspective as both an educator at DreamYard, an arts education organization in the Bronx, NY, and author. Her books include Harlem’s Little Blackbird: The Story of Florence Mills (Random House, 2012) and the upcoming YA novel This Side of Home (Bloomsbury), due out in February 2015. Watson has also worked as a writer-in-residence, teaching creative writing and theater in public schools and community centers nationwide.
The TTT conversation was very powerful. Particularly given the Garner decision, emotions were very raw among your fellow educators. And I bet the same thing is happening in schools across the country. How can teachers help kids in dealing with their emotions?
Yes, emotions are still raw for many of us. It’s been a heavy week. Here are a few ideas for helping young people process their feelings:
- Give students time to express how they feel in silent journal writing. You might want to share prompts that can be optional for students to respond to.
- Make art. Collage is a great activity; making something whole out of broken/torn pieces can be therapeutic. In their work, students can ask a question, honor the life of one of the slain, or make a powerful statement. Besides images, I often provide quotes, lines from poems, and famous speeches for students to use if they want.
- Listen to a freedom or protest song and discuss it. Ask students to think about why musicians make these types of songs. What lyrics would they write if they created a song about what’s happening now?
- Refer students to get more support, if needed. For teachers who might feel uncomfortable talking in depth about the recent events in our nation or feel like students need more support than they can give, refer students to the school counselor or arrange for a guest to come in.
- Share picture books. There are great titles to introduce younger grades to social justice. Visit www.usingtheirwords.org for a list of books recommended for grades K-5 by pre-service teachers.
“If we’re doing our jobs as educators, I don’t understand how you’re not having this conversation,” you said Wednesday. For those who haven’t already, how would you recommend launching such a conversation in class?
I believe classrooms should be spaces where young people learn history, discuss and understand current events, and learn skills to apply in their future to create a better world. I try to set the expectation from day one with my students that we discuss what is happening in our world, which means, they are expected to watch the news, read the newspaper, pay attention.
For educators who do not normally talk about current events and/or have not talked about race, power, injustice in their classrooms, I think starting with an honest acknowledgment of what’s happening can be a place to start. I think letting students know that we are human, that we care about what is going on in the world, and that we are thinking about what’s happening is important. A teacher I know told her students, “I don’t know if you all have been paying attention to what’s been happening, but I have. And I have a lot of questions and I’m not sure how to talk about it but I just wanted to acknowledge that there’s a lot going on. If anyone wants to talk, I can find support for you.” She went on to teach her lesson, but taking this first step to bring it up let students know that it’s okay to have feelings about what’s happening. She referred the two students who came to her after class to the school counselor. Other teachers asked students to write their questions about Ferguson on an index card. The teachers reviewed the questions and held a joint class discussion, where they shared the facilitation of responding to the questions. I also know of schools that held assemblies and forums after school for students who signed up.
Also, I wonder how these discussions are playing out in predominantly white classrooms and communities?
I believe we should provide opportunities in our classrooms where students see themselves in the curriculum and where they have to empathize and step out of their own experiences. We cannot reserve conversations about race, racism, privilege, power, and injustice to schools that educate children of color. We need young people—from all backgrounds—to take ownership of this democracy and see themselves as active citizens, change makers, and allies.
What about students who don’t want to talk about how they’re feeling?
It’s not uncommon for students to not want to talk about how they’re feeling. Some students aren’t even aware of what’s going on, and there are others who know, but may not have strong feelings about it. In some cases, students may be desensitized to violence and injustice. I am constantly checking myself to remain open and not have any preconceived notions about what my students are thinking and feeling. My goal is not to make them feel or think any one particular way, but rather to get them to think and feel.
I never want to force a child to speak. I want them to know that if they need or want to talk about it, they can. Sometimes, for difficult topics I facilitate one of the following activities.
- “Stand Up If” or “Cross the Line.” These provide opportunities for students to express their feelings, share their experiences in a silent way. (For example, I might say, “Stand up if you have ever seen news reports about police brutality,” or “Stand up if you’ve ever felt angry).
- Image gallery. Create an image gallery of political cartoons, photos from newspapers, stats, etc. Give students post-it notes and have them write a one-word response or phrase in response to the image. Give clear instructions that this activity is silent and that students are not to respond to anyone else’s note. Play music in the background (freedom songs or something instrumental) to help set the tone.
These have been a good starting place for me to take the temperature of the room and get a sense of what students are thinking.
You said “They have the hype but not the facts.” I think that could be said of many adults concerning recent events, including the shooting of unarmed teenager Michael Brown in Ferguson, MO. How do you teach students the facts—separate from the hype—and is there an element of media literacy you impart here?
My favorite methods are the Know-Want to Know-Learned Chart, where students list what they know already, what they want to know, and at the end of the unit, what they learned.
I also bring articles into the classroom. Paired with art, articles ground the artmaking and give material for students to use, speak back to, and get inspiration—and of course, facts, from. My poetry lesson, “Happening Yesterday, Happened Tomorrow” gives an example of how I use articles in the classroom for the dual purpose of fact-finding and artmaking.
Poetry is a big part of your teaching, as documented in your upcoming article for Rethinking Schools, “Happening Yesterday, Happening Tomorrow: teaching the ongoing murders of black men.” Willie Perdomo’s “Forty One Bullets Off Broadway,” about the killing of Amadou Diallo, has been a central work. But you also mention using Langston Hughes and Maya Angelou in the same lessons. Poetry has appeared to be really effective with your students. Why?
Art can provide a structured outlet for students to express how they feel. I think poetry works with young people because there is so much freedom. They can speak from their own perspective or someone else’s, , dream up a new outcome. I also make it a practice to share a photo of the poet, whose work we’re studying. I think when students understand artists as people who overcame adversity, who used art to take a stand, who were both flawed and brilliant, they find hope that they, too, can be creators and makers and continue the legacy.
This same week marked the 59th anniversary of Rosa Parks’s refusal to move from her seat on a bus. That, as a lesson, is “civil rights with a bow tied around it,” said teacher Chris Rogers on TTT. How can we reconcile the historical struggle for democracy with what’s happening today, right now?
I think it’s important to commemorate the Montgomery boycott. It’s a good way for young people to have context for the ongoing struggle for freedom and equality in our nation. When teaching about the civil rights movement—especially about Rosa Parks—it’s important to also teach about Claudette Colvin, to really help young people understand the planning, discipline, collaborating, and perseverance it took for the boycotters to organize. The problem is that educators often stop when the boycott ends and “they all lived happily ever after.” What’s more realistic, more inspiring maybe, is to say, “They won that battle and there many more to fight.” This way, young people see themselves on the continuum of change. If we can recognize and celebrate how far we’ve come while acknowledging how much work there is left to do, we can help students understand—and remind ourselves—that this is a marathon not a sprint.
You’ve inspired students to express themselves in creative work. Is there anything of theirs that you can share?
Sure, here are a few poems by students.
Never Written
by A.M., high school student
for Henry Dumas
1968, underground,
day or night,
coming or going,
under the eternal florescent
flicker of subway lights
the clamor of wheels,
crackle of electric current
maybe muffled the shooting
sound that silenced.
One cop’s “mistake”
two boys now to forever
wait for their father’s face.
A mind full of memory and make believe,
stretched from sacred desert sands
to sci-fi space and mythic lands,
spilled out, running thick
on worn concrete spans
as subway doors open and close
empty cars rattle ahead
blank pages blown behind
nothing but another man’s
black body laid down
in haste and waste.
One Winter Day: a poem for Sean Bell
by N.J., middle school student
Blinded in the haze of 50 bullets.
Shot by the same amount of candles on my mother’s birthday cake.
I fell to the floor.
Snowflakes fall slower than they appear to.
I disappeared.
Spirit gone before flesh could bleed.
Glad we partied like we did
in that Queens nightclub, toasting our futures.
Didn’t know I wouldn’t see them again.
Didn’t know life was going to end.
Snowflakes melt faster than we want them to.
For All of Them
by L.V., middle school student
Who scrubs the blood-stained train track, tile, lobby, car, sidewalk?
Who tears down the yellow tape?
Who sends the flowers and cards?
Who sings at the funeral?
Who watches the casket sink into the ground?
Who can get back to their normal life?
Who is holding their breath waiting for the next time?
Who takes a stand?
Who demands justice?
Who knows justice may never come?
Who keeps fighting anyway?
Who fights by protest?
Who fights by teaching?
Who fights by writing a poem?
Who fights by keeping their names alive?
Never Written
by A.M., high school student
for Henry Dumas
1968, underground,
day or night,
coming or going,
under the eternal florescent
flicker of subway lights
the clamor of wheels,
crackle of electric current
maybe muffled the shooting
sound that silenced.
One cop’s “mistake”
two boys now to forever
wait for their father’s face.
A mind full of memory and make believe,
stretched from sacred desert sands
to sci-fi space and mythic lands,
spilled out, running thick
on worn concrete spans
as subway doors open and close
empty cars rattle ahead
blank pages blown behind
nothing but another man’s
black body laid down
in haste and waste.
One Winter Day: a poem for Sean Bell
by N.J., middle school student
Blinded in the haze of 50 bullets.
Shot by the same amount of candles on my mother’s birthday cake.
I fell to the floor.
Snowflakes fall slower than they appear to.
I disappeared.
Spirit gone before flesh could bleed.
Glad we partied like we did
in that Queens nightclub, toasting our futures.
Didn’t know I wouldn’t see them again.
Didn’t know life was going to end.
Snowflakes melt faster than we want them to.
For All of Them
by L.V., middle school student
Who scrubs the blood-stained train track, tile, lobby, car, sidewalk?
Who tears down the yellow tape?
Who sends the flowers and cards?
Who sings at the funeral?
Who watches the casket sink into the ground?
Who can get back to their normal life?
Who is holding their breath waiting for the next time?
Who takes a stand?
Who demands justice?
Who knows justice may never come?
Who keeps fighting anyway?
Who fights by protest?
Who fights by teaching?
Who fights by writing a poem?
Who fights by keeping their names alive?
http://www.slj.com/2014/12/diversit...er-slj-talks-to-educator-author-renee-watson/
This is from a library site so the links link back to their site, not amazon. You can always search for the name and author tho to purchase. I don't have time now but I'll also see if I can find any of them online if anyone is interested.
Share This: #BlackLivesMatter Reads for Kids
It can be challenging to help children navigate the complex issues coming at them through the news and other media. These books offer a starting point for adults discussing social justice, race, and the African-American experience with children. Books are organized from top to bottom with books for the youngest audiences listed first.
17 items
A Is for Activist
by Nagara, Innosanto
Book - 2013
This board book for older children introduces the key concepts of social activism in an alphabet format, and empowers young readers to view themselves as change agents. Ages 4 & Up
Shades of Black
A Celebration of Our Children
by Pinkney, Sandra L.
Book - 2000
Beautifully photographed, this picture book celebrates the many shades of Black children, and offers a positive model for beginning conversations about race and skin color with younger children. Ages 4 & Up
Somewhere Today
A Book of Peace
by Thomas, Shelley Moore
Book - 1998
Simple and direct, this prose poem illustrates the everyday ways that ordinary people create peace in their communities, from lending a helping hand to being open to learning from someone who is different. It's a gentle read that emphasizes the ways in which small choices can have a large impact. Ages 4 & Up
We March
by Evans, Shane
Book - 2012
This picture book depicts a Black family participating in the 1963 March on Washington, but may serve as an introduction to the experience of a protest march for any child witnessing or participating in a similar event. Spare, powerful text focuses on the solidarity of the marchers as they unite to enact change. Ages 4 & Up
A Sweet Smell of Roses
by Johnson, Angela, 1961-
Book - 2005
In this historical picture book, readers see two young Black girls sneak out of the house to witness a speech by Martin Luther King, Jr. Haunting black-and-white illustrations with red highlights bring to life the vicious racism faced by African Americans while offering hope in the form of the children and adults willing to cross the line and work for change. Ages 6 & Up
Tar Beach
by Ringgold, Faith
Book - 1991
On a hot summer night in 1939, Cassie, a young Black girl, lies on her rooftop in the heart of Brooklyn, dreaming of flying over the city and giving her family everything they desire. While it quietly reminds readers of the history of prejudice and discrimination against African Americans, it's also a testament to the hopeful power of a child's dreams. Ages 6 & Up
Child of the Civil Rights Movement
by Shelton, Paula Young
Book - 2010
Shelton's picture book account of her childhood during the Civil Rights Movement perfectly captures a young Black child's view of social change. Her memories of her first "sit-in," when she threw a tantrum after her family was denied service at a restaurant, will resonate with young audiences beginning to understand injustice and inequality, and empower children to make their voices heard. Ages 6 & Up
Smoky Night
by Bunting, Eve, 1928-
Book - 1994
A young boy struggles to understand the riots engulfing his urban home in this picture book. Age-appropriate and child-focused, it captures the fear and uncertainty children face when their communities are in upheaval, and provides an accessible, if simple solution: we all need to get to know each other better. Ages 6 & Up
Let's Talk About Race
by Lester, Julius
Book - 2005
In this straightforward nonfiction picture book, readers are asked to see themselves and one another as "stories," composed of many different parts. With accessible, child-friendly text, Lester directly addresses young audiences, making questions of race and identity personal for every child to consider thoughtfully. Ages 6 & Up
Each Kindness
by Woodson, Jacqueline
Book - 2012
A quiet picture book about a multiracial classroom and their harsh treatment of a new kid from a poor family. It focuses on the ways in which small actions can have meaningful consequences, and empowers young readers to take responsibility for their choices. Ages 7 & Up
Sit-in
How Four Friends Stood up by Sitting Down
by Pinkney, Andrea Davis
Book - 2010
With energetic illustrations and a lively, rhythmic text, this picture book is an accessible account for young readers of the four Black college students who staged the Greensboro sit-ins in 1960. Aspiring social activists will be inspired by the dedication of the protestors as they learn about segregation, the Civil Rights Movement, and the young people who forced change. Ages 7 & Up
Wings
by Myers, Christopher
Book - 2000
A boy with wings struggles to fly, weighed down by the harsh words of those who hate him for his differences. It takes words of encouragement and acknowledgement from a bystander brave enough to speak against the bullies to free the boy to truly soar. A picture book parable for older kids that should spark discussions on acceptance, oppression, and the power of speaking up. Ages 8 & Up
The Blacker the Berry
Poems
by Thomas, Joyce Carol
Book - 2008
In this collection of poems, Black children of varying backgrounds challenge a singular Black racial identity, instead celebrating the many factors and complex heritages that make individuals unique. A good discussion starter for talking about race and identity with older children. Ages 8 & Up
Through My Eyes
by Bridges, Ruby
Book - 1999
When she was six years old, Ruby Bridges was the first Black student to integrate a segregated school in New Orleans. This is Ruby's story in her own words, full of photos and other primary sources that will capture the interest of young readers. Bridges is careful to stay true to what her young self did and didn't understand about her role in the Civil Rights Movement, while bringing an adult's perspective to history and what it means for students today. A powerful, personal look at a child's experience of racism. Ages 8 & Up
Do Something!
A Handbook for Young Activists
by Lublin, Nancy, 1971-
Book - 2010
From DoSomething.org, this handbook is not only a call to action for young people interested in affecting change, it's also a roadmap to seeing plans through to completion. Full of tools to help kids turn an idea into reality, it's a valuable resource for budding young activists. Ages 9 & Up
Brown Girl Dreaming
by Woodson, Jacqueline
Book - 2014
Woodson's deeply personal memoir in verse illuminates her childhood path to becoming a writer even as it captures critical moments in modern African American history, including the Civil Rights and Black Power Movements. Young readers of all backgrounds will find something to relate to in Woodson's childhood while also gaining insight into the experience of growing up as a Black girl in America. Ages 9 & Up
One Crazy Summer
by Williams-Garcia, Rita
Book - 2010
It's the summer of 1968, and Delphine and her two sisters are off to Oakland to spend a few weeks getting to know their mother and her community of Black Panthers and other artists and activists. Hilarious, moving, and memorable, young readers will be inspired by Delphine's growing sense of social justice and her personal journey of self-discovery. Ages 9 & Up
Here is a list from goodreads of about 80 recommended books. Many of the ones listed above are also on the list:
https://www.goodreads.com/list/show/101851.Black_Lives_Matter_Kids_
~~~~~~~
Share This: #BlackLivesMatter Reads for Kids
It can be challenging to help children navigate the complex issues coming at them through the news and other media. These books offer a starting point for adults discussing social justice, race, and the African-American experience with children. Books are organized from top to bottom with books for the youngest audiences listed first.
17 items
A Is for Activist
by Nagara, Innosanto
Book - 2013
This board book for older children introduces the key concepts of social activism in an alphabet format, and empowers young readers to view themselves as change agents. Ages 4 & Up
Shades of Black
A Celebration of Our Children
by Pinkney, Sandra L.
Book - 2000
Beautifully photographed, this picture book celebrates the many shades of Black children, and offers a positive model for beginning conversations about race and skin color with younger children. Ages 4 & Up
Somewhere Today
A Book of Peace
by Thomas, Shelley Moore
Book - 1998
Simple and direct, this prose poem illustrates the everyday ways that ordinary people create peace in their communities, from lending a helping hand to being open to learning from someone who is different. It's a gentle read that emphasizes the ways in which small choices can have a large impact. Ages 4 & Up
We March
by Evans, Shane
Book - 2012
This picture book depicts a Black family participating in the 1963 March on Washington, but may serve as an introduction to the experience of a protest march for any child witnessing or participating in a similar event. Spare, powerful text focuses on the solidarity of the marchers as they unite to enact change. Ages 4 & Up
A Sweet Smell of Roses
by Johnson, Angela, 1961-
Book - 2005
In this historical picture book, readers see two young Black girls sneak out of the house to witness a speech by Martin Luther King, Jr. Haunting black-and-white illustrations with red highlights bring to life the vicious racism faced by African Americans while offering hope in the form of the children and adults willing to cross the line and work for change. Ages 6 & Up
Tar Beach
by Ringgold, Faith
Book - 1991
On a hot summer night in 1939, Cassie, a young Black girl, lies on her rooftop in the heart of Brooklyn, dreaming of flying over the city and giving her family everything they desire. While it quietly reminds readers of the history of prejudice and discrimination against African Americans, it's also a testament to the hopeful power of a child's dreams. Ages 6 & Up
Child of the Civil Rights Movement
by Shelton, Paula Young
Book - 2010
Shelton's picture book account of her childhood during the Civil Rights Movement perfectly captures a young Black child's view of social change. Her memories of her first "sit-in," when she threw a tantrum after her family was denied service at a restaurant, will resonate with young audiences beginning to understand injustice and inequality, and empower children to make their voices heard. Ages 6 & Up
Smoky Night
by Bunting, Eve, 1928-
Book - 1994
A young boy struggles to understand the riots engulfing his urban home in this picture book. Age-appropriate and child-focused, it captures the fear and uncertainty children face when their communities are in upheaval, and provides an accessible, if simple solution: we all need to get to know each other better. Ages 6 & Up
Let's Talk About Race
by Lester, Julius
Book - 2005
In this straightforward nonfiction picture book, readers are asked to see themselves and one another as "stories," composed of many different parts. With accessible, child-friendly text, Lester directly addresses young audiences, making questions of race and identity personal for every child to consider thoughtfully. Ages 6 & Up
Each Kindness
by Woodson, Jacqueline
Book - 2012
A quiet picture book about a multiracial classroom and their harsh treatment of a new kid from a poor family. It focuses on the ways in which small actions can have meaningful consequences, and empowers young readers to take responsibility for their choices. Ages 7 & Up
Sit-in
How Four Friends Stood up by Sitting Down
by Pinkney, Andrea Davis
Book - 2010
With energetic illustrations and a lively, rhythmic text, this picture book is an accessible account for young readers of the four Black college students who staged the Greensboro sit-ins in 1960. Aspiring social activists will be inspired by the dedication of the protestors as they learn about segregation, the Civil Rights Movement, and the young people who forced change. Ages 7 & Up
Wings
by Myers, Christopher
Book - 2000
A boy with wings struggles to fly, weighed down by the harsh words of those who hate him for his differences. It takes words of encouragement and acknowledgement from a bystander brave enough to speak against the bullies to free the boy to truly soar. A picture book parable for older kids that should spark discussions on acceptance, oppression, and the power of speaking up. Ages 8 & Up
The Blacker the Berry
Poems
by Thomas, Joyce Carol
Book - 2008
In this collection of poems, Black children of varying backgrounds challenge a singular Black racial identity, instead celebrating the many factors and complex heritages that make individuals unique. A good discussion starter for talking about race and identity with older children. Ages 8 & Up
Through My Eyes
by Bridges, Ruby
Book - 1999
When she was six years old, Ruby Bridges was the first Black student to integrate a segregated school in New Orleans. This is Ruby's story in her own words, full of photos and other primary sources that will capture the interest of young readers. Bridges is careful to stay true to what her young self did and didn't understand about her role in the Civil Rights Movement, while bringing an adult's perspective to history and what it means for students today. A powerful, personal look at a child's experience of racism. Ages 8 & Up
Do Something!
A Handbook for Young Activists
by Lublin, Nancy, 1971-
Book - 2010
From DoSomething.org, this handbook is not only a call to action for young people interested in affecting change, it's also a roadmap to seeing plans through to completion. Full of tools to help kids turn an idea into reality, it's a valuable resource for budding young activists. Ages 9 & Up
Brown Girl Dreaming
by Woodson, Jacqueline
Book - 2014
Woodson's deeply personal memoir in verse illuminates her childhood path to becoming a writer even as it captures critical moments in modern African American history, including the Civil Rights and Black Power Movements. Young readers of all backgrounds will find something to relate to in Woodson's childhood while also gaining insight into the experience of growing up as a Black girl in America. Ages 9 & Up
One Crazy Summer
by Williams-Garcia, Rita
Book - 2010
It's the summer of 1968, and Delphine and her two sisters are off to Oakland to spend a few weeks getting to know their mother and her community of Black Panthers and other artists and activists. Hilarious, moving, and memorable, young readers will be inspired by Delphine's growing sense of social justice and her personal journey of self-discovery. Ages 9 & Up
Here is a list from goodreads of about 80 recommended books. Many of the ones listed above are also on the list:
https://www.goodreads.com/list/show/101851.Black_Lives_Matter_Kids_
Black people in America are in a constant state of trauma. The realities of everyday racist microaggressions, to the neverending stream of police shootings of unarmed black folk, to the spiritual damage of slavery, Jim Crow, and beyond.
For many black Americans and other Americans of color, Donald Trump’s election on Tuesday feels like a stab in the gut, a reminder that despite the bubbles of progressiveness that we live in, a wide swath of the nation does not believe we matter.
In the face of this kind of despair, self-care is important, now more than ever. We need to find community and safe spaces to mourn and mobilize. We need to fiercely protect our mental health and take care of our bodies. We need to find the proper tools to heal.
Below are some tips, links, and resources for practicing self-care in the wake of Trump’s election:
1. Buy something empowering from a black-owned store in your community or online, like Philadelphia Print Works.
This black-owned clothing company celebrates DIY culture and activism within the black community. They sell custom print-screened clothing with activist messages, including a “School of Thought” collection which features the names of overlooked black thinkers and leaders on traditional collegiate-style sweatshirts.You may be feeling helpless, but treating yourself with something affirming and also supporting other black people can help. Here are 45 more black-owned online businesses to check out.
2. Donate or Volunteer.
Hate hasn’t won yet. There are still things we can do at the ground level to empower ourselves. These can be gestures as small as signing a petition, or donating and volunteering at organizations that make a positive impact on the black community, including Planned parenthood, the ACLU, the Audre Lorde Project, the The Black-Led Movement Fund and the Southern Poverty Law Center.
3. Follow these helpful steps to self-care after race-based emotional and psychological trauma, from blogger Jasmine Brown:
Just Jasmine Blog
Coping with race-based trauma.
4. Reminisce on President Obama’s blackest moments in the White House.
Including this one:
The White HousePete Souza
Magic.
5. Listen to empowering black music.
A few suggestions: A Seat At The Table, Coloring Book, A Tribe Called Quest’s newly released final album.
6. Check out the self-care website NoireCare.
This website specifically caters to black women, and acts as an online forum where they can build community and learn about how to practice daily self-care. The website periodically hosts workshops and meetups.
7. And scroll through Black Girl Mental Health.
This Tumblr blog curated by writer Diamond Sharpe is filled with tons of resources for black mental health, including hotlines, meditation exercises, interesting articles, blogs and more.
8. Breathe.
Don’t forget to breathe. There are lots of free apps, like Breathe2Relax, that give guided step-by-step directions on how to do deep, diaphragmatic breathing. Excellent stress reliever.
9. Protest
The best way to channel your negative feelings surrounding Trump’s election might be to join with other like-minded people in peaceful protest. Several websites, including Complex, have compiled growing lists of places across the United States where you can protest in the coming days.
10. If you do protest, practice these emotional and safety tips compiled by activist Adaku Utah.
Adaku Utah
Emotional safety during protests.
11. If you have to, disengage from social media.
It’s only been a few days since Donald Trump was elected, and already news stories about people of color experiencing hate crimes and harassment from Trump supporters has emerged. Couple that with clueless Facebook acquaintances dismissing the very real and valid fears of many black people in the wake of this election, and you’ve got a toxic online landscape that it is totally OK to plug out of for the next couple days.
Obviously, this isn’t everything you can or should do to cope, but it’s a start. Be well.
This ain't the 1960's, this generation is a bunch of soft pussyfied punks.
George Zimmerman is still walking around freely and nobody has got him yet.
Good example of this generation of black people are a bunch of pussies.
All talk, no action
George Zimmerman is still walking around freely and nobody has got him yet.
Good example of this generation of black people are a bunch of pussies.
All talk, no action
In the era of bull rings and all kind of tattoos and piercing it seems like blacks are being wrestled down by the same curses and spells that took us from the garden of eden and owners of the world to primitive people in tribes scattered throughout Africa and the middle east. FUBU was a better slogan (for us by us) because it is not about being carbon copies of devils.
Trying to build a nation for blacks here in the dirty south. The original nation the way life was before other races were grafted from us.
If not us, then who?? If not now, when??
Trying to build a nation for blacks here in the dirty south. The original nation the way life was before other races were grafted from us.
If not us, then who?? If not now, when??
VERY VERY IMPORTANT THREAD RIGHT NOW
So....should we swing on white folks now or what? Mfs is wilding the fuck out all over now.
They been preparing for this for a while. They just letting us flex some right now. Elijah Muhammad had said do not ever get ignorant with the devil (whites) because if you do they will kill you. But if you are in the right you will be victorious over them no matter what the odds. We cannot compete with whites to try to be bigger devils than them but we can build and protect what we build. Some of us have been trying to do that for years now and we cannot give up. For hundreds of years we have built on the foundations of liars and white supremacy. Right now no matter what happens you go back to being programmed by devils. They have been playing chess while some of us have been playing checkers.
From Facebook:
Your black friend is trying to be ok.
Your Black friend in the past 30 days has watched a Black man get shot dead while jogging (Ahmaud Arbery), a Black woman get shot dead while sleeping (Breona Taylor), and the murder of George Floyd by a Minneapolis police officer. Your Black friend has also listened to the President of the United States use segregationist words as a veiled threat.
Your Black friend is trying to be ok.
Please don't ask us about the looting.
Please don't chastise us about the rioting.
Please don't tell us that all lives matter.
Please don't minimize our fear.
Please don't bring up Black on Black crime.
Please don't ask "What about Chicago?"
Please don't say "if you'd just act like (A Wildly Successful Black Person... Usually Oprah, Obama, Colin Powell, Denzel or Will Smith)". Please don't judge us
Your Black friend is trying to be ok.
Listen to your Black friend.
Empathize with your Black friend.
Support your Black friend.
Pray for your Black friend.
Pray with your Black friend.
Just let your Black friend know you really care.
Your Black friend will remember who truly had their back during this difficult time. They will remember who was more concerned about a looted Target. They will remember you posting a thinly veiled and racially offensive meme. They will remember you calling looters "Savages". They will remember your silence about their Black life and the Black Lives of others.
It's real easy.
Do whatever you can to help your Black friend out because your Black friend is trying to be ok.....
**Copied and pasted...please pass on!
Your black friend is trying to be ok.
Your Black friend in the past 30 days has watched a Black man get shot dead while jogging (Ahmaud Arbery), a Black woman get shot dead while sleeping (Breona Taylor), and the murder of George Floyd by a Minneapolis police officer. Your Black friend has also listened to the President of the United States use segregationist words as a veiled threat.
Your Black friend is trying to be ok.
Please don't ask us about the looting.
Please don't chastise us about the rioting.
Please don't tell us that all lives matter.
Please don't minimize our fear.
Please don't bring up Black on Black crime.
Please don't ask "What about Chicago?"
Please don't say "if you'd just act like (A Wildly Successful Black Person... Usually Oprah, Obama, Colin Powell, Denzel or Will Smith)". Please don't judge us
Your Black friend is trying to be ok.
Listen to your Black friend.
Empathize with your Black friend.
Support your Black friend.
Pray for your Black friend.
Pray with your Black friend.
Just let your Black friend know you really care.
Your Black friend will remember who truly had their back during this difficult time. They will remember who was more concerned about a looted Target. They will remember you posting a thinly veiled and racially offensive meme. They will remember you calling looters "Savages". They will remember your silence about their Black life and the Black Lives of others.
It's real easy.
Do whatever you can to help your Black friend out because your Black friend is trying to be ok.....
**Copied and pasted...please pass on!
This Is What Self-Care Actually Is—and What It Isn't
Don't mistake self-care for overindulgence or expensive luxuries.
There's a lot of chatter about "self-care" these days. Between wellness and beauty companies promising to release feel-good endorphins with every product and being told to take more baths and learn to meditate, it can be confusing to determine what "you" time really should be—and shouldn't be. Is self-care letting yourself watch one more episode and treating yourself to another brownie? Or is it actually learning when to turn off Netflix and get in bed a little earlier? And who decides?
At the core of the self-care movement is the need to renew your spirit, to choose activities—or a complete lack thereof—that help you feel both relaxed and rejuvenated. Self-care is ultimately about taking a pause to do what you need to to be happier, calmer, and healthier.
And no matter what products you buy or things what you do, it's crucial to remember that self-care is an individualized experience. What benefits you mentally and physically may not be the same for your best friend or colleague or partner. We asked mental health experts and coaches to explain the do's and don'ts of creating a self-care routine that's for you—and only you.
RELATED: It's Probably Time for a Self Check-in—Here's How to Do It
Related Items
Do focus on activities that fill you up.
One commonly touted self-care practice is to taking a bath, complete with candles, essential oils, salts and bubbles. But if you don't have a bathtub, if you get antsy sitting in a tub, or if you hate having wrinkly fingers, why force yourself? The point of these rituals is to fill you up rather than deplete you, so it's crucial to figure out what brings you joy, says Dr. Naomi Torres-Mackie, Ph.D., the head of research at the Mental Health Coalition.
Torres-Mackie says that your self-care choices should leave you feeling nourished, energized, and ready to tackle whatever comes next. All too often, she notes, people get into the doing-and-producing mode and then start to see self-care as yet another to-do list item. To determine what works for you, Dr. Torres-Mackie suggests the cognitive-behavioral technique of imagining experiences in detail ahead of time. "When you're considering what you need at the moment to feel good, imagine yourself doing it and how you will feel after," she continues. "If it's filled up, then go for it. If it's depleted, skip it."
Don't use self-care as an excuse to overindulge.
Unfortunately, self care isn't an excuse to spend an excessive amount of money or go overboard at happy hour to escape, reminds Vanessa Kennedy, Ph.D., director of psychology at Driftwood Recovery. "Self-care isn't blowing our paycheck on 'retail therapy,' having an extra drink because we 'deserve it' after a hard day, or taking too much time away from our responsibilities for an expensive spa day or trip," she says.
When we make these excuses for ourselves, we aren't reaping the real benefits, since they provide instant gratification without a long-lasting impact. Instead, Kennedy says self-care should be about creating a little breathing room to come back to the task or problem with more mental resources to handle it: "We [should] use self-care to make sure we are well-equipped to handle the stresses of life, as opposed to avoiding them."
RELATED: 9 Unhealthy Coping Habits That End Up Hurting More Than Helping
Do view self-care as essential rather than indulgent.
When you have a pile of laundry that keeps multiplying, a calendar packed with back-to-back meetings, and children who need your attention, you likely don't prioritize self-care. While Torres-Mackie says many people worry that taking time for oneself is selfish and indulgent, it's critical for personal well-being. "Self-care is not only a wellness skill but a survival skill," she says. "Once you start seeing self-care as essential rather than indulgent, it becomes easier to care for yourself and therefore to also care for others."
To begin reframing how you picture it, correct yourself when you start to feel guilty for doing an activity that fulfills you—like reading a book for 30 minutes. Instead, list all of the reasons you'll be a better partner, friend, mother, daughter, and so on by taking the time you need.
RELATED: How to Practice Self-Care on a Budget
Don't believe that self-care has to be a major production.
Sometimes, what prevents us from taking care of ourselves regularly is the pressure to make it the "best ever" or live up to unrealistic expectations (expectations that many people don't have the time or money for). Yes, a wealthy celebrity may be able to go away on a spa weekend or install a double-head rain shower, but Torres-Mackie affirms that it doesn't need to be expensive to be meaningful. "There are endless forms of self-care that are free and take very little time or energy at all, like putting on your favorite song or eating your favorite dish," she continues. "Viewing self-care as something that requires so much effort that it becomes overwhelming ends up defeating the purpose."
One way to make it more manageable is to build short breaks throughout your day, so you keep yourself accountable for intentional pauses, suggests Ellen Yin, the founder and podcast host of "Cubicle to CEO." Yin recommends scheduling yourself an actual lunch: eat away from your computer or block out 10 minutes for a walk up and down the street. "Some of our best thinking happens in the pause, and self-care doesn't have to be extravagant or complicated," she continues. "If you can't take two weeks off, take two minutes off, multiple times a day."
RELATED: How to Practice Self-Care on a Budget
Do listen to your mind and body's needs.
The mind-body connection is strong and outspoken, but we have to learn to tune in to emotions and physical feelings to figure out what we need. That's why Kennedy says it's essential to make your self-care practice fluid and flexible, so you can adjust to what will benefit you the most from one day to the next. This starts by looking for signals your body is sending in terms of things like soreness, cramps, fatigue or pain. You can further explore your mental health indicators by answering these questions:
As you answer these, you can narrow down potential solutions for what's irking you. Maybe it's a nap, a long stretching session, or testing out a new recipe while listening to a podcast.
RELATED: 20 Micro (Yet Mighty) Self-Care Challenges That'll Make Any Day Better
www.realsimple.com
Don't mistake self-care for overindulgence or expensive luxuries.
There's a lot of chatter about "self-care" these days. Between wellness and beauty companies promising to release feel-good endorphins with every product and being told to take more baths and learn to meditate, it can be confusing to determine what "you" time really should be—and shouldn't be. Is self-care letting yourself watch one more episode and treating yourself to another brownie? Or is it actually learning when to turn off Netflix and get in bed a little earlier? And who decides?
At the core of the self-care movement is the need to renew your spirit, to choose activities—or a complete lack thereof—that help you feel both relaxed and rejuvenated. Self-care is ultimately about taking a pause to do what you need to to be happier, calmer, and healthier.
And no matter what products you buy or things what you do, it's crucial to remember that self-care is an individualized experience. What benefits you mentally and physically may not be the same for your best friend or colleague or partner. We asked mental health experts and coaches to explain the do's and don'ts of creating a self-care routine that's for you—and only you.
RELATED: It's Probably Time for a Self Check-in—Here's How to Do It
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Do focus on activities that fill you up.
One commonly touted self-care practice is to taking a bath, complete with candles, essential oils, salts and bubbles. But if you don't have a bathtub, if you get antsy sitting in a tub, or if you hate having wrinkly fingers, why force yourself? The point of these rituals is to fill you up rather than deplete you, so it's crucial to figure out what brings you joy, says Dr. Naomi Torres-Mackie, Ph.D., the head of research at the Mental Health Coalition.
Torres-Mackie says that your self-care choices should leave you feeling nourished, energized, and ready to tackle whatever comes next. All too often, she notes, people get into the doing-and-producing mode and then start to see self-care as yet another to-do list item. To determine what works for you, Dr. Torres-Mackie suggests the cognitive-behavioral technique of imagining experiences in detail ahead of time. "When you're considering what you need at the moment to feel good, imagine yourself doing it and how you will feel after," she continues. "If it's filled up, then go for it. If it's depleted, skip it."
Don't use self-care as an excuse to overindulge.
Unfortunately, self care isn't an excuse to spend an excessive amount of money or go overboard at happy hour to escape, reminds Vanessa Kennedy, Ph.D., director of psychology at Driftwood Recovery. "Self-care isn't blowing our paycheck on 'retail therapy,' having an extra drink because we 'deserve it' after a hard day, or taking too much time away from our responsibilities for an expensive spa day or trip," she says.
When we make these excuses for ourselves, we aren't reaping the real benefits, since they provide instant gratification without a long-lasting impact. Instead, Kennedy says self-care should be about creating a little breathing room to come back to the task or problem with more mental resources to handle it: "We [should] use self-care to make sure we are well-equipped to handle the stresses of life, as opposed to avoiding them."
RELATED: 9 Unhealthy Coping Habits That End Up Hurting More Than Helping
Do view self-care as essential rather than indulgent.
When you have a pile of laundry that keeps multiplying, a calendar packed with back-to-back meetings, and children who need your attention, you likely don't prioritize self-care. While Torres-Mackie says many people worry that taking time for oneself is selfish and indulgent, it's critical for personal well-being. "Self-care is not only a wellness skill but a survival skill," she says. "Once you start seeing self-care as essential rather than indulgent, it becomes easier to care for yourself and therefore to also care for others."
To begin reframing how you picture it, correct yourself when you start to feel guilty for doing an activity that fulfills you—like reading a book for 30 minutes. Instead, list all of the reasons you'll be a better partner, friend, mother, daughter, and so on by taking the time you need.
RELATED: How to Practice Self-Care on a Budget
Don't believe that self-care has to be a major production.
Sometimes, what prevents us from taking care of ourselves regularly is the pressure to make it the "best ever" or live up to unrealistic expectations (expectations that many people don't have the time or money for). Yes, a wealthy celebrity may be able to go away on a spa weekend or install a double-head rain shower, but Torres-Mackie affirms that it doesn't need to be expensive to be meaningful. "There are endless forms of self-care that are free and take very little time or energy at all, like putting on your favorite song or eating your favorite dish," she continues. "Viewing self-care as something that requires so much effort that it becomes overwhelming ends up defeating the purpose."
One way to make it more manageable is to build short breaks throughout your day, so you keep yourself accountable for intentional pauses, suggests Ellen Yin, the founder and podcast host of "Cubicle to CEO." Yin recommends scheduling yourself an actual lunch: eat away from your computer or block out 10 minutes for a walk up and down the street. "Some of our best thinking happens in the pause, and self-care doesn't have to be extravagant or complicated," she continues. "If you can't take two weeks off, take two minutes off, multiple times a day."
RELATED: How to Practice Self-Care on a Budget
Do listen to your mind and body's needs.
The mind-body connection is strong and outspoken, but we have to learn to tune in to emotions and physical feelings to figure out what we need. That's why Kennedy says it's essential to make your self-care practice fluid and flexible, so you can adjust to what will benefit you the most from one day to the next. This starts by looking for signals your body is sending in terms of things like soreness, cramps, fatigue or pain. You can further explore your mental health indicators by answering these questions:
- Am I sleeping poorly?
- Am I eating well?
- Am I craving unhealthy foods?
- Am I grinding my teeth?
- Do I feel body aches?
As you answer these, you can narrow down potential solutions for what's irking you. Maybe it's a nap, a long stretching session, or testing out a new recipe while listening to a podcast.
RELATED: 20 Micro (Yet Mighty) Self-Care Challenges That'll Make Any Day Better
Mind & Mood Management for Mental Health | Real Simple
Learn ways to keep your mind and mood in good condition by finding a therapist, practicing visualization, identifying anxiety symptoms, and more.
I didn't want to make a new thread for this so I'm putting it here.
13 Ways to Invest in Yourself
The stock market isn’t the only way to reap meaningful returns. Here are ways to invest in yourself—some are free and take only a few hours of your time.
When you hear the word "investing," you probably think about stocks, bonds, maybe commodities. It's far less likely that your reflex will be inward – but indeed, you can, and should, invest in yourself, too.
Investing is an enormous industry solely dedicated to the idea of using capital to create more capital. We highly suggest you do it. But in many instances, investing time and energy – which, just like money, are in finite supply – in yourself can lead to a meaningful payoff, too. And sometimes that payoff includes the accumulation of wealth.
It's just a matter of application, and making a plan.
To that end, here's a rundown of 13 different ways to invest in your career, your mind and your happiness that have nothing to do with buying low and selling high. Becoming a more marketable worker, earning a chance to be your own boss and simply broadening your horizons can yield rewards, too.
13 Ways to Invest in Yourself
The stock market isn’t the only way to reap meaningful returns. Here are ways to invest in yourself—some are free and take only a few hours of your time.
When you hear the word "investing," you probably think about stocks, bonds, maybe commodities. It's far less likely that your reflex will be inward – but indeed, you can, and should, invest in yourself, too.
Investing is an enormous industry solely dedicated to the idea of using capital to create more capital. We highly suggest you do it. But in many instances, investing time and energy – which, just like money, are in finite supply – in yourself can lead to a meaningful payoff, too. And sometimes that payoff includes the accumulation of wealth.
It's just a matter of application, and making a plan.
To that end, here's a rundown of 13 different ways to invest in your career, your mind and your happiness that have nothing to do with buying low and selling high. Becoming a more marketable worker, earning a chance to be your own boss and simply broadening your horizons can yield rewards, too.
Find a Mentor
Spending time with a mentor is one of the best investments you can make. Mentors are plentiful. It doesn't cost much to talk with them – just the price of a cup of coffee, or maybe an Uber trip if your mentor works elsewhere. And they can provide you with a wealth of benefits: They can improve your current job skills, help you network within your field and potentially become an employer in the future.
What workplace mentorship looks like will vary from one employer to the next. But in almost all cases, it could and should involve a senior employee acting as a guide for a newer worker with less company-specific experience. In some cases where management is willing to provide time off and funding, leadership "camps" and team-building experiences can also make employees more effective.
But what if your employer doesn't facilitate such programs? Be the organizer of a formal, company-wide effort that pairs newer workers with veterans. It's not a difficult sell. Your boss will benefit from a staff that at the very least better knows one another, and they'll probably appreciate the subsequent synergies too. Meanwhile, you'll make new intra-office contacts.
You can find mentors outside of your workplace, too. A simple way to start is by simply reaching out to leaders and other knowledgeable members of your field for "informational interviews" – nothing more than a cup of coffee or lunch to talk about the profession.
Depending on the topic, you might be able to find more plentiful outside resources. For instance, small-business entrepreneurs have a host of options at their fingers, such as Score.org, which pairs individuals up with local SCORE (Service Corps of Retired Executives) chapters to pair them with one of more than 10,000 volunteer business experts.
More Education for a Career Change
Many young college graduates might be happy working in the field they just finished studying, but some individuals further into their careers might be mulling a change – perhaps a pivot toward one of these top jobs of the future.
In many cases, however, these individuals don't feel they can because they lack a degree related to their new dream job. Or if they do "change things up," they make a move within the industry rather than taking on a whole new category – even when that new job could prove more lucrative.
Knight Kiplinger points out the benefit of such an investment in his "Keys to Financial Security": "A $30,000 pay hike can be viewed as an annual return on a capital investment, like earning a continuous yield of 6% on $500,000 of savings. You know how hard it is to save up $500,000. Maybe that $30,000 boost in salary is easier to achieve."
There's good news for the hesitant, however. More than 80% of people who changed careers after they turned 45 years old found success in their new field, according to the American Institute for Economic Research.
For some occupations, such as teachers and nurses – two of the most popular second careers for older rookies – might require a brand-new degree. But the advent of the internet has changed the way we learn. Traditional college classrooms are still an option, though career-changers with families who might need to work at the same time they're going back to school have plenty of internet options. Roughly one-third of college-level studies are now done online, and many employers see this classwork as credible.
Professional Certifications
In some cases, a college degree might not be the right kind of continuing education for you. Some employers are more interested in specialized skills and credentials. Company hierarchies in the modern workplace are optimized by a diversity of detailed, focused knowledge that sometimes comes in the form of a professional-level certificate.
And at the least, there aren't many industries that don't encourage the attainment of specialized credentials.
Take the finance industry as an example. Most career-minded jobs in the sector require a minimum of a college degree. But some of the most successful financial planners are Certified Financial Planners, with a CFP designation. Chartered Financial Analysts (CFAs) also enjoy a high-level of credibility within the investment management arena. There's even a professional designation for investment professionals that specialize in analyzing stock charts: Chartered Market Technicians.
The technology arena arguably offers the most, and most diverse, options for readily attainable certifications. Certificates aimed at demonstrating expertise in Cisco networking, Microsoft systems and coding languages such as Java and C++ can all be earned in just a few months.
In most cases, these certificates can be secured while you work a full-time job. Some employers will even pay the costs associated with them.
Join Toastmasters
Even when Toastmasters International was in its infancy nearly a century ago, the organization invoked the occasional eye roll. Some outsiders snickered as the seemingly silly gathering of like-minded people that just wanted to practice public speaking in front of other members wishing to do the same.
However, the clubs – all 16,800 of them that meet regularly in 143 different countries – are no joke. Aside from a judgment-free, supportive environment where individuals can get comfortable confronting the one thing they fear more than death itself, Toastmasters is a chance to network with other aspiring business-minded individuals in the area.
And the organization certainly has its share of high-profile success stories. MSNBC's Chris Matthews, comedian and actor Tim Allen, the late iconic Star Trek actor Leonard Nimoy, and the late James Brady, former presidential press secretary, are all former Toastmasters members, along with a whole slew of other recognizable names that leveraged their Toastmasters experiences into successful careers.
Toastmasters charges $45 in semi-annual dues as well as a $20 new member fee. Meeting frequency varies by club but typically are held weekly or every other week, for one to two hours per meeting.
Move
It doesn't sound like a way to invest in yourself. It sounds more like a chore, or even just a flat-out expense. But you might find that simply moving from one place to another can open all sorts of doors … and not just career-oriented ones. New locales bring new people into your life, new kinds of entertainment, lower expenses and new scenery that can make your life better in a myriad of ways.
The latest relocating-minded trend is an exodus from the nation's biggest cities and the establishment of new roots in less urban areas. Bustling New York City lost 76,790 residents in 2019, and 143,000 in the year before that, mirroring a bigger trend evident across the entire northeaster portion of the country. Lousy weather is cited as one reason for the growing disinterest in the region, though the bigger concern is the sheer cost of living in places such as New York City and Washington, D.C.
Conversely, there are still good reasons to head toward the pricier parts of the country, particularly for people looking for jobs in the financial and tech arenas. Most Wall Street-type jobs require you to actually live somewhere near Wall Street, and Silicon Valley in northern California is the nation's technological development hub. If you want to work there, you typically have to be there.
If you're broadly looking for a place to start, consider these states with the fastest rates of job growth. And if you're looking to figure out how much to budget, Moving.com says the average cost of a long-distance move (1,000 miles) is $4,890, based on a two- to three-bedroom move of about 7,500 pounds.
Start a Side Gig
The idea of a "job" has changed dramatically in just the past few years. Gone are the days when individuals clocked in at 9 a.m., worked for an employer that was trusted to remain in business, and then clocked out at 5 p.m.
The new normal is ... well, there is no new normal, given the statistics.
Roughly one-third of U.S. workers claim they utilize "alternative work" arrangements as their primary source of income. That is, they don't necessarily run their own businesses per se, but rather are contracted, self-employed people that rely on middlemen to connect with a stream of customers. Think driving for Uber, completing projects through Amazon Mechanical Turk, or picking up regular work at a website like Freelancer.com. In some cases, these workers might see more income by being self-employed. But certainly, some see less.
It doesn't have to be an either/or matter for the entrepreneurial-minded, though. Side gigs can be managed without "giving up your day job" by doing work outside of regular work hours.
The effort is arguably worth it. A recent survey performed by The Hustle found that the average side-gig operator spent an average of 11 hours per week as their own boss, and earned $12,609 per year – an average of about $22 per hour. Real estate, management and money-related side gigs appeared to be the most lucrative, according to the survey.
The payoff can be more than in immediate income. You can use a side gig to hone new skills or test new ideas that can be used to fuel a career shift.
Set Up a (Real) Home Office
Whether you're self-employed or just one of the lucky corporate employees who are allowed to work from home, there's much to be said about a space that functions and feels more like an office and less like a bedroom or basement. Indeed, you might be more productive working at home, for yourself or for an employer.
Despite all the noise often made about the pros and cons of working from home, it's not as widely available an option as you'd think. Only 7% of employers facilitate work-from-home options, according to Fundera, even though the option saves companies an estimated $44 billion per year. Fewer than 4% of employees (including freelance workers) are allowed to work from home for at least half the workweek, says Small Business Trends.
In other words, if you do have an employer that allows you to work from home, be sure to perform just as you would if in an office setting. Companies remain broadly suspicious of the practice.
The one area where it pays to spend more than you might like to on a home office is on a new computer. It is, for better or worse, the centerpiece of the modern work world. Not only are computers used to create and store documents, they're also becoming the key means of communication with clients and customers. They're even replacing phones with apps such as Skype. An unreliable or underpowered PC can quickly turn into a nuisance.
Get Healthy
The benefits of living a healthier lifestyle are clear: A longer life, feeling better and being able to physically do more are all good things.
However, there's a financial upside to eating better and getting more exercise too. More than one, in fact. Chief among them is the sheer cost of being unhealthy, and as such, needing to see a doctor more often.
As part of efforts to make health insurance, and therefore health care, more affordable for everyone, deductibles have soared in recent years. In 2008, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation, the average deductible for a single-person health plan was $735. It has since soared to $1,655. Premium prices are up, too, at $7,188 annually as of 2019, and the maximum out-of-pocket expense in 2019 for an ACA-compliant plan was $7,900 for individuals, and $15,800 for family plans.
Although health insurance is effectively a must-have, using it can prove expensive.
The other financial upside to healthier living: Feeling better, or not being distracted by fatigue, lets your mind stay sharp during sales calls, when meeting new people and when simply being sized up (literally and figuratively) by someone interested in your work. Every interaction or connection is in some way an effort to sell something. Being at your best makes it likelier you'll perform well.
Get Organized
Most individuals who live disorganized lives, personally and professionally, would argue they don't have time to organize. In reality, it takes more time, energy and money to not be organized.
Did you know the average American spends 2.5 days per year trying to track down lost items? That's the case, according to a study by Pixie, a smart-location solution for missing objects. Did you also know that the National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals (yes, it's a thing) reports that between 15% and 20% of the average household's budget is wasted by buying items to replace ones that simply can't be found? Here's the kicker: NAPO also estimates that 40% of housework currently being done in the U.S. wouldn't be necessary if we were willing to de-clutter.
It's not just time and money. Your mental well-being is at stake, too. People who have successfully mastered the art of self-organization find they're less stressed, sleep better and ultimately end up being more productive. In the workplace, a more organized desk, office, briefcase or vehicle makes a good impression on prospective clients, co-workers, even your boss.
Keep Your Brain Sharp
By many measures, it's a cruel trick. Never before have people been expected to stay as focused as they are now, yet never before has it been so difficult to prevent your mind from being overwhelmed by a constant barrage of digital data.
Your smartphone has much to do with that. We check our phones for no particular reason about once every 12 minutes; some of us, more frequently.
But the challenge extends beyond just phones. On average, says productivity expert Chris Bailey, we're distracted by something every 40 seconds. Bailey also says all the regular distractions we experience ultimately extend the time needed to complete a task by 50%. Plus, it can take several minutes just to resume the work being done before the distraction took place.
So, how do you keep your mind sharp in this kind of environment?
For one, try to put down the phone a little more often. Then, start following some of the other steps on this list.
Staying in shape isn't just a good way to cut down on medical costs – it also helps brain health as you age. Art Kramer, professor of neuroscience and psychology at Northeastern University, tells Kiplinger that people who do more aerobic exercise tend to be better at solving problems, have better memory and show lower rates of dementia.
You want to "network," too – but not just professionally. Being socially active has many positive effects on the brain, including areas that have to do with memory. So, as you can, try to interact with friends and family more often.
Build Your Own Website or Portfolio
The upside of building your own professional website or portfolio will vary from one person to the next, and with the intent. But if there's any arguable reason not to invest in yourself in this way, cost isn't it. The hosting price for a low-end (though still professional-looking) website can be less than $10 per month; for those willing to make a longer-term commitment, requesting and registering the domain name is often free.
What you can do with even the simplest of websites, however, is almost limitless.
Chief among those options for a job-seeker is the use of a website as a digital resume of sorts. But a website can provide a potential employer with work-related details that might otherwise be difficult to present with just one sheet of paper.
In that same vein, a website could serve as a repository of past work for individuals who offer services on a regular basis. Writers, artists and architects are just some of the people who benefit from being able to publicly showcase their work.
And naturally, any entrepreneur with e-commerce ambitions will want to develop a website, and spring for a few more of the bells and whistles required to do business online.
Hire a Career Coach
Sometimes it's difficult to push yourself to the proverbial next level, whatever that might mean in your given field. Stagnation can sap creativity, and disappointment can quell drive. It's all too easy to become complacent and resign yourself to doing the exact same thing until it's time to retire.
A career coach might be just the kick in the pants you need.
But first, you need to understand what a career coach is, and what it isn't. Career coaches aren't headhunters. They also can't tell you what sort of job you should be seeking. And they most certainly won't be able to help if your impasses are personal rather than professional in nature.
A career coach can, however, help you identify your strengths and weakness as other people see them, assist you in formulating a career-advancement strategy and advise you on how to make a successful career change.
They're not necessarily cheap. On a per-hour basis, they can charge anywhere between $75 and $250. Some ask for a longer-term, multimonth commitment that can cost a total of anywhere from $1,000 to $2,500.
But they can be worth the outlay. A promotion-related raise or a job offer with a new employer can easily fund such an investment within just a year.
Read Books
There's a universe of great information floating around, ready to be gleaned. Much of it can't be found at your workplace. Instead, it's at a bookstore – or, for the more economically minded, a library.
The statistics on the matter are nothing short of amazing. Fast Company says the average CEO reads 60 books per year. Ben Eubanks, human resources analyst with Brandon Hall Group, believes "people who are successful are often crazy about reading. They make time for that because they understand how important it is, and it's kind of like a secret weapon." However, a person in the United States only reads between two and three books per year, most of those purely for pleasure.
A lot of that has to do with time available, but if you have recreational time you aren't spending on reading, you might consider re-allocating it to hitting the books.
The upsides? Aside from the knowledge and perspective gained from teaching yourself about something new, reading also expands your vocabulary and opens up opportunities to discuss new ideas with your boss (current or prospective). There's something powerful about being able to say, "That's something I was just reading about the other day."
One word of caution: Reading a work-related book just for the sake of being seen reading a work-related book can easily backfire. Most experienced managers can spot an effort get the wrong kind of attention. They might not like the tactic. Just read a book on faith that it will eventually matter, even if that means with a different employer.
James Brumley is a Contributing Writer for Kiplinger.com.
Spending time with a mentor is one of the best investments you can make. Mentors are plentiful. It doesn't cost much to talk with them – just the price of a cup of coffee, or maybe an Uber trip if your mentor works elsewhere. And they can provide you with a wealth of benefits: They can improve your current job skills, help you network within your field and potentially become an employer in the future.
What workplace mentorship looks like will vary from one employer to the next. But in almost all cases, it could and should involve a senior employee acting as a guide for a newer worker with less company-specific experience. In some cases where management is willing to provide time off and funding, leadership "camps" and team-building experiences can also make employees more effective.
But what if your employer doesn't facilitate such programs? Be the organizer of a formal, company-wide effort that pairs newer workers with veterans. It's not a difficult sell. Your boss will benefit from a staff that at the very least better knows one another, and they'll probably appreciate the subsequent synergies too. Meanwhile, you'll make new intra-office contacts.
You can find mentors outside of your workplace, too. A simple way to start is by simply reaching out to leaders and other knowledgeable members of your field for "informational interviews" – nothing more than a cup of coffee or lunch to talk about the profession.
Depending on the topic, you might be able to find more plentiful outside resources. For instance, small-business entrepreneurs have a host of options at their fingers, such as Score.org, which pairs individuals up with local SCORE (Service Corps of Retired Executives) chapters to pair them with one of more than 10,000 volunteer business experts.
More Education for a Career Change
Many young college graduates might be happy working in the field they just finished studying, but some individuals further into their careers might be mulling a change – perhaps a pivot toward one of these top jobs of the future.
In many cases, however, these individuals don't feel they can because they lack a degree related to their new dream job. Or if they do "change things up," they make a move within the industry rather than taking on a whole new category – even when that new job could prove more lucrative.
Knight Kiplinger points out the benefit of such an investment in his "Keys to Financial Security": "A $30,000 pay hike can be viewed as an annual return on a capital investment, like earning a continuous yield of 6% on $500,000 of savings. You know how hard it is to save up $500,000. Maybe that $30,000 boost in salary is easier to achieve."
There's good news for the hesitant, however. More than 80% of people who changed careers after they turned 45 years old found success in their new field, according to the American Institute for Economic Research.
For some occupations, such as teachers and nurses – two of the most popular second careers for older rookies – might require a brand-new degree. But the advent of the internet has changed the way we learn. Traditional college classrooms are still an option, though career-changers with families who might need to work at the same time they're going back to school have plenty of internet options. Roughly one-third of college-level studies are now done online, and many employers see this classwork as credible.
Professional Certifications
In some cases, a college degree might not be the right kind of continuing education for you. Some employers are more interested in specialized skills and credentials. Company hierarchies in the modern workplace are optimized by a diversity of detailed, focused knowledge that sometimes comes in the form of a professional-level certificate.
And at the least, there aren't many industries that don't encourage the attainment of specialized credentials.
Take the finance industry as an example. Most career-minded jobs in the sector require a minimum of a college degree. But some of the most successful financial planners are Certified Financial Planners, with a CFP designation. Chartered Financial Analysts (CFAs) also enjoy a high-level of credibility within the investment management arena. There's even a professional designation for investment professionals that specialize in analyzing stock charts: Chartered Market Technicians.
The technology arena arguably offers the most, and most diverse, options for readily attainable certifications. Certificates aimed at demonstrating expertise in Cisco networking, Microsoft systems and coding languages such as Java and C++ can all be earned in just a few months.
In most cases, these certificates can be secured while you work a full-time job. Some employers will even pay the costs associated with them.
Join Toastmasters
Even when Toastmasters International was in its infancy nearly a century ago, the organization invoked the occasional eye roll. Some outsiders snickered as the seemingly silly gathering of like-minded people that just wanted to practice public speaking in front of other members wishing to do the same.
However, the clubs – all 16,800 of them that meet regularly in 143 different countries – are no joke. Aside from a judgment-free, supportive environment where individuals can get comfortable confronting the one thing they fear more than death itself, Toastmasters is a chance to network with other aspiring business-minded individuals in the area.
And the organization certainly has its share of high-profile success stories. MSNBC's Chris Matthews, comedian and actor Tim Allen, the late iconic Star Trek actor Leonard Nimoy, and the late James Brady, former presidential press secretary, are all former Toastmasters members, along with a whole slew of other recognizable names that leveraged their Toastmasters experiences into successful careers.
Toastmasters charges $45 in semi-annual dues as well as a $20 new member fee. Meeting frequency varies by club but typically are held weekly or every other week, for one to two hours per meeting.
Move
It doesn't sound like a way to invest in yourself. It sounds more like a chore, or even just a flat-out expense. But you might find that simply moving from one place to another can open all sorts of doors … and not just career-oriented ones. New locales bring new people into your life, new kinds of entertainment, lower expenses and new scenery that can make your life better in a myriad of ways.
The latest relocating-minded trend is an exodus from the nation's biggest cities and the establishment of new roots in less urban areas. Bustling New York City lost 76,790 residents in 2019, and 143,000 in the year before that, mirroring a bigger trend evident across the entire northeaster portion of the country. Lousy weather is cited as one reason for the growing disinterest in the region, though the bigger concern is the sheer cost of living in places such as New York City and Washington, D.C.
Conversely, there are still good reasons to head toward the pricier parts of the country, particularly for people looking for jobs in the financial and tech arenas. Most Wall Street-type jobs require you to actually live somewhere near Wall Street, and Silicon Valley in northern California is the nation's technological development hub. If you want to work there, you typically have to be there.
If you're broadly looking for a place to start, consider these states with the fastest rates of job growth. And if you're looking to figure out how much to budget, Moving.com says the average cost of a long-distance move (1,000 miles) is $4,890, based on a two- to three-bedroom move of about 7,500 pounds.
Start a Side Gig
The idea of a "job" has changed dramatically in just the past few years. Gone are the days when individuals clocked in at 9 a.m., worked for an employer that was trusted to remain in business, and then clocked out at 5 p.m.
The new normal is ... well, there is no new normal, given the statistics.
Roughly one-third of U.S. workers claim they utilize "alternative work" arrangements as their primary source of income. That is, they don't necessarily run their own businesses per se, but rather are contracted, self-employed people that rely on middlemen to connect with a stream of customers. Think driving for Uber, completing projects through Amazon Mechanical Turk, or picking up regular work at a website like Freelancer.com. In some cases, these workers might see more income by being self-employed. But certainly, some see less.
It doesn't have to be an either/or matter for the entrepreneurial-minded, though. Side gigs can be managed without "giving up your day job" by doing work outside of regular work hours.
The effort is arguably worth it. A recent survey performed by The Hustle found that the average side-gig operator spent an average of 11 hours per week as their own boss, and earned $12,609 per year – an average of about $22 per hour. Real estate, management and money-related side gigs appeared to be the most lucrative, according to the survey.
The payoff can be more than in immediate income. You can use a side gig to hone new skills or test new ideas that can be used to fuel a career shift.
Set Up a (Real) Home Office
Whether you're self-employed or just one of the lucky corporate employees who are allowed to work from home, there's much to be said about a space that functions and feels more like an office and less like a bedroom or basement. Indeed, you might be more productive working at home, for yourself or for an employer.
Despite all the noise often made about the pros and cons of working from home, it's not as widely available an option as you'd think. Only 7% of employers facilitate work-from-home options, according to Fundera, even though the option saves companies an estimated $44 billion per year. Fewer than 4% of employees (including freelance workers) are allowed to work from home for at least half the workweek, says Small Business Trends.
In other words, if you do have an employer that allows you to work from home, be sure to perform just as you would if in an office setting. Companies remain broadly suspicious of the practice.
The one area where it pays to spend more than you might like to on a home office is on a new computer. It is, for better or worse, the centerpiece of the modern work world. Not only are computers used to create and store documents, they're also becoming the key means of communication with clients and customers. They're even replacing phones with apps such as Skype. An unreliable or underpowered PC can quickly turn into a nuisance.
Get Healthy
The benefits of living a healthier lifestyle are clear: A longer life, feeling better and being able to physically do more are all good things.
However, there's a financial upside to eating better and getting more exercise too. More than one, in fact. Chief among them is the sheer cost of being unhealthy, and as such, needing to see a doctor more often.
As part of efforts to make health insurance, and therefore health care, more affordable for everyone, deductibles have soared in recent years. In 2008, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation, the average deductible for a single-person health plan was $735. It has since soared to $1,655. Premium prices are up, too, at $7,188 annually as of 2019, and the maximum out-of-pocket expense in 2019 for an ACA-compliant plan was $7,900 for individuals, and $15,800 for family plans.
Although health insurance is effectively a must-have, using it can prove expensive.
The other financial upside to healthier living: Feeling better, or not being distracted by fatigue, lets your mind stay sharp during sales calls, when meeting new people and when simply being sized up (literally and figuratively) by someone interested in your work. Every interaction or connection is in some way an effort to sell something. Being at your best makes it likelier you'll perform well.
Get Organized
Most individuals who live disorganized lives, personally and professionally, would argue they don't have time to organize. In reality, it takes more time, energy and money to not be organized.
Did you know the average American spends 2.5 days per year trying to track down lost items? That's the case, according to a study by Pixie, a smart-location solution for missing objects. Did you also know that the National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals (yes, it's a thing) reports that between 15% and 20% of the average household's budget is wasted by buying items to replace ones that simply can't be found? Here's the kicker: NAPO also estimates that 40% of housework currently being done in the U.S. wouldn't be necessary if we were willing to de-clutter.
It's not just time and money. Your mental well-being is at stake, too. People who have successfully mastered the art of self-organization find they're less stressed, sleep better and ultimately end up being more productive. In the workplace, a more organized desk, office, briefcase or vehicle makes a good impression on prospective clients, co-workers, even your boss.
Keep Your Brain Sharp
By many measures, it's a cruel trick. Never before have people been expected to stay as focused as they are now, yet never before has it been so difficult to prevent your mind from being overwhelmed by a constant barrage of digital data.
Your smartphone has much to do with that. We check our phones for no particular reason about once every 12 minutes; some of us, more frequently.
But the challenge extends beyond just phones. On average, says productivity expert Chris Bailey, we're distracted by something every 40 seconds. Bailey also says all the regular distractions we experience ultimately extend the time needed to complete a task by 50%. Plus, it can take several minutes just to resume the work being done before the distraction took place.
So, how do you keep your mind sharp in this kind of environment?
For one, try to put down the phone a little more often. Then, start following some of the other steps on this list.
Staying in shape isn't just a good way to cut down on medical costs – it also helps brain health as you age. Art Kramer, professor of neuroscience and psychology at Northeastern University, tells Kiplinger that people who do more aerobic exercise tend to be better at solving problems, have better memory and show lower rates of dementia.
You want to "network," too – but not just professionally. Being socially active has many positive effects on the brain, including areas that have to do with memory. So, as you can, try to interact with friends and family more often.
Build Your Own Website or Portfolio
The upside of building your own professional website or portfolio will vary from one person to the next, and with the intent. But if there's any arguable reason not to invest in yourself in this way, cost isn't it. The hosting price for a low-end (though still professional-looking) website can be less than $10 per month; for those willing to make a longer-term commitment, requesting and registering the domain name is often free.
What you can do with even the simplest of websites, however, is almost limitless.
Chief among those options for a job-seeker is the use of a website as a digital resume of sorts. But a website can provide a potential employer with work-related details that might otherwise be difficult to present with just one sheet of paper.
In that same vein, a website could serve as a repository of past work for individuals who offer services on a regular basis. Writers, artists and architects are just some of the people who benefit from being able to publicly showcase their work.
And naturally, any entrepreneur with e-commerce ambitions will want to develop a website, and spring for a few more of the bells and whistles required to do business online.
Hire a Career Coach
Sometimes it's difficult to push yourself to the proverbial next level, whatever that might mean in your given field. Stagnation can sap creativity, and disappointment can quell drive. It's all too easy to become complacent and resign yourself to doing the exact same thing until it's time to retire.
A career coach might be just the kick in the pants you need.
But first, you need to understand what a career coach is, and what it isn't. Career coaches aren't headhunters. They also can't tell you what sort of job you should be seeking. And they most certainly won't be able to help if your impasses are personal rather than professional in nature.
A career coach can, however, help you identify your strengths and weakness as other people see them, assist you in formulating a career-advancement strategy and advise you on how to make a successful career change.
They're not necessarily cheap. On a per-hour basis, they can charge anywhere between $75 and $250. Some ask for a longer-term, multimonth commitment that can cost a total of anywhere from $1,000 to $2,500.
But they can be worth the outlay. A promotion-related raise or a job offer with a new employer can easily fund such an investment within just a year.
Read Books
There's a universe of great information floating around, ready to be gleaned. Much of it can't be found at your workplace. Instead, it's at a bookstore – or, for the more economically minded, a library.
The statistics on the matter are nothing short of amazing. Fast Company says the average CEO reads 60 books per year. Ben Eubanks, human resources analyst with Brandon Hall Group, believes "people who are successful are often crazy about reading. They make time for that because they understand how important it is, and it's kind of like a secret weapon." However, a person in the United States only reads between two and three books per year, most of those purely for pleasure.
A lot of that has to do with time available, but if you have recreational time you aren't spending on reading, you might consider re-allocating it to hitting the books.
The upsides? Aside from the knowledge and perspective gained from teaching yourself about something new, reading also expands your vocabulary and opens up opportunities to discuss new ideas with your boss (current or prospective). There's something powerful about being able to say, "That's something I was just reading about the other day."
One word of caution: Reading a work-related book just for the sake of being seen reading a work-related book can easily backfire. Most experienced managers can spot an effort get the wrong kind of attention. They might not like the tactic. Just read a book on faith that it will eventually matter, even if that means with a different employer.
James Brumley is a Contributing Writer for Kiplinger.com.
Reflecting on the power of affirmations for Black History Month
Aidah Z. M.
As a child, I remember watching the Rev. Jesse Jackson on television when he would recite the poem, "I Am — Somebody." It was a motivational poem that Jackson performed for crowds of people, large and small, near and far. He even made an appearance on Sesame Street and invited viewers to repeat the poem's title and main message: "I am somebody." And we did. This call-and-response collaboration felt good in my young belly. This was an early introduction to affirmations for me.
The declaration at the center of the poem, "I am," is the heart of an affirmation — a proactive statement meant to inspire positive thinking or positive action. Those who work in healing spaces — such as therapists or spiritual and religious leaders — will often use affirmations as a tool to foster healing in those who have suffered trauma. But they're also used by people in everyday life to simply set the tone of the day, a situation or a mindset. They can highlight attributes we already possess or summon who or what we aspire to be.
I enjoy creating affirmations and write them regularly. I believe it is especially important for people from marginalized communities to utilize an affirmation practice as part of a larger self-care routine. The activist and poet Audre Lorde gave us many gems in the form of her scholarship, and one of her more popular quotes warns us of the consequences that come when we don't reserve the right of self-definition. It reads, "If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive."
Asante Amin
With Black History Month in mind, I asked a few people in my social circles to see whether they used affirmations at all — and how. I was curious whether they tapped into this dynamic exercise of the mind, and it turns out many of them did. I gathered a few friends who were willing to share their affirmative mantras. I then paired their affirmations with intimate, tightly framed portraits that I made of them.
This project seeks to use affirmations as tools of realigning, inspiration and reclamation. I invite you to read along and to create your own affirmations, if you haven't done so already.
Alex Bershaw
Chen Lo
Lady Shepsa Jones
Michael Young
Barnabas Crosby
Chris Slaughter
I am fundamental to life. I am a woman. I am the mother of civilization. I am blessed and highly favored. Therefore, my power is infinite.
Taeesha M.
Xyenz Fyxion
Shahkeem Williams
Aidah Z. M.
As a child, I remember watching the Rev. Jesse Jackson on television when he would recite the poem, "I Am — Somebody." It was a motivational poem that Jackson performed for crowds of people, large and small, near and far. He even made an appearance on Sesame Street and invited viewers to repeat the poem's title and main message: "I am somebody." And we did. This call-and-response collaboration felt good in my young belly. This was an early introduction to affirmations for me.
The declaration at the center of the poem, "I am," is the heart of an affirmation — a proactive statement meant to inspire positive thinking or positive action. Those who work in healing spaces — such as therapists or spiritual and religious leaders — will often use affirmations as a tool to foster healing in those who have suffered trauma. But they're also used by people in everyday life to simply set the tone of the day, a situation or a mindset. They can highlight attributes we already possess or summon who or what we aspire to be.
I enjoy creating affirmations and write them regularly. I believe it is especially important for people from marginalized communities to utilize an affirmation practice as part of a larger self-care routine. The activist and poet Audre Lorde gave us many gems in the form of her scholarship, and one of her more popular quotes warns us of the consequences that come when we don't reserve the right of self-definition. It reads, "If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive."
Asante Amin
With Black History Month in mind, I asked a few people in my social circles to see whether they used affirmations at all — and how. I was curious whether they tapped into this dynamic exercise of the mind, and it turns out many of them did. I gathered a few friends who were willing to share their affirmative mantras. I then paired their affirmations with intimate, tightly framed portraits that I made of them.
This project seeks to use affirmations as tools of realigning, inspiration and reclamation. I invite you to read along and to create your own affirmations, if you haven't done so already.
Alex Bershaw
Chen Lo
Lady Shepsa Jones
Michael Young
Barnabas Crosby
Chris Slaughter
I am fundamental to life. I am a woman. I am the mother of civilization. I am blessed and highly favored. Therefore, my power is infinite.
Taeesha M.
Xyenz Fyxion
Shahkeem Williams
Reflecting on the power of affirmations for Black History Month
Daily affirmations can highlight traits we already possess or summon who or what we aspire to be. Photographer Laylah Amatullah Barrayn says they're an important part of a larger self-care routine.www.npr.org
How to Manage Your Anger at Work
We’re all a little angrier these days. The sustained level of stress and fear you experience every day when you’re under pressure depletes your emotional resources, making you much more likely to get mad, even at minor provocations. While we’re often told that anger is harmful, irrational, and...
How to Manage Your Anger at Work
Summary.
We’re all a little angrier these days. The sustained level of stress and fear you experience every day when you’re under pressure depletes your emotional resources, making you much more likely to get mad, even at minor provocations. While we’re often told that anger is harmful, irrational, and should be suppressed, there are ways to channel it productively. Research shows that getting mad can spark creativity, motivate you to advocate for yourself, and help you perform better in competitive circumstances. The authors offer six strategies to use anger in more positive ways, including acknowledging that a violation took place, identifying the specific needs behind your emotion, and avoiding excessive venting.
After two years of navigating a global pandemic, tensions are high. While conducting research for our book Big Feelings, we heard from readers who told us that they’d recently lost their cool over all kinds of seemingly small triggers: inconsistent WiFi, an email from their boss that just read “?,” or a coworker pinging them at 4:45 pm asking for a “quick favor.”
When we face chronic stress or trauma, our brain “rewires the rage circuits,” explains neuroscientist R. Douglas Fields. In other words, the sustained level of stress and fear you experience every day when you’re under pressure depletes your emotional resources, making you much more likely to get mad, even at minor provocations.
Our emotional outbursts can be upsetting, especially because we often receive messages that anger is harmful, irrational, and should be suppressed. But anger isn’t inherently bad (and suppressing it isn’t good for you or the people around you). In fact, if you know how to channel it, it can serve you. “Anger is pain’s bodyguard,” writes author David Kessler.
Take Pixar executive Brad Bird, who intentionally recruited frustrated animators to work on a new film because he believed they were more likely to change things for the better. The result? The Incredibles, a movie that broke box office records.
If you want to channel your anger in more positive ways, here are six things you can do.
Acknowledge that a violation took place.
We often try to immediately stamp out our feelings to avoid appearing upset. But if you’re hurt because of an unfair decision or made to feel unworthy because someone continuously excludes you (or worse), you’re allowed to feel unapologetically angry. Don’t immediately take your emotions out on another person, but acknowledge what you’re feeling. In fact, research shows that, when it’s justified, anger is a much healthier response than fear because it triggers feelings of certainty and control, which are less likely to lead to the adverse effects of stress like high blood pressure or high stress hormone secretion.
Even if the event that triggered your anger seems minor on the surface, the sparks that cause us to internally explode usually have kindling. For example, maybe the co-worker we mentioned earlier asking for a “quick favor” at the end of the day has a history of handing their work off to others or unnecessarily emailing during off-hours.
Avoid excessive venting.
Blowing off steam is not as productive as you might think, even though it’s long been presented as a cathartic activity. (Take, for example, the proliferation of “anger rooms,” where you can pay to smash TVs and dinner plates with a baseball bat.) Research shows that this type of “destruction therapy” causes your anger to escalate rather than diminish. Psychologist Brad J. Bushman studied people who used a punching bag to let out their anger, and found that “doing nothing at all was more effective” at diffusing rage.
Similarly, chronic venting, where you rehash the same problems without trying to understand or solve them, has also been shown to make both you and the people listening to you feel worse. One of our readers, Paula, told us, “I finally had to put a limit on how much I trash-talked with co-workers. I found that using the time to instead focus on how I could learn or improve made me feel a lot better.”
Identify the specific needs behind your emotion.
Research shows that focusing your attention on the need behind what you feel allows you to take a more objective, detached look at the situation — and to better protect your emotional well-being.
A few questions that might help you clarify the reason(s) you’re mad:
For many people, the emotion behind anger is fear. You might be afraid of being powerless or having something you care about taken away or go wrong. In fact, philosopher Martha Nussbaum even argues that the most common political emotion is fear, which politicians pray on to stoke anger and action.
If you can, talk about your emotions — without getting emotional.
We recommend first giving yourself time to calm down before you make any major moves. When we’re upset, we’re less able to think strategically. If your heart is racing or your fists are clenched, pause for a few minutes. Liz has learned to evaluate her anger on a scale from 1 (irritated) to 10 (enraged), and aims to wait until she’s settled down to a 3 or 4 before taking action.
If your anger was triggered by someone else’s anger, you may want to share how their actions affected you. To prepare for that conversation, clarify your goal, what you’d like to say, and when you’ll say it. This simple formula can be helpful: “When you_____, I feel _______.”
While we were leading a corporate workshop in early 2020, a woman asked what to do when her boss yelled at her. Another participant spoke up. “I’m an executive assistant, and my boss used to frequently yell at me, even when he wasn’t angry at me but was angry about something else,” she told the group. “It would make me flustered, and then frustrated that he was making me flustered. One day I finally said to him, ‘I know that you’re upset right now, but when you yell at me, I’m not able to focus on my work.’” Her boss apologized and realized that he was inadvertently hurting her performance. His outbursts became much less frequent.
If you can’t communicate your anger, indirectly address your needs.
Sometimes, you’ll have to face the ugly truth that you’re angry because of something you can’t change. In those instances, look for ways to remove yourself from the situation or, if you can’t walk away, to indirectly address your needs (e.g. by seeking out support from friends or a therapist).
Rachel, one of our readers we spoke with last year as part of our research, felt powerless in the face of a difficult boss, but couldn’t quit their job right away. “His unrealistic expectations and authoritarian leadership style left me in a constant cycle of stress and inadequacy,” they told us. Rachel started to take small steps to boost their self-confidence and feel more valued at work. First, they reduced how much they interacted with their boss. “I also built a network of mentors and colleagues who knew me and appreciated me in ways my boss didn’t,” they said. “That helped me prevent his feedback from sabotaging my self-worth.”
Channel your anger energy strategically.
For a long time, Rutgers professor Dr. Brittney Cooper thought she needed to be in control of her emotions to be respected — and to avoid being labeled as an “angry Black woman.” But that changed when one of her students told her, “I love to listen to you lecture because your lectures [are filled with…] the most eloquent rage.” The authenticity of Dr. Cooper’s emotion made her students pay attention. Now she thinks of anger as a superpower that can give Black women the strength to fight injustice.
Research backs Cooper up. If we tap into it, anger can actually increase our confidence and make us certain that we are capable and strong. Researchers found that people who are angry also hold the belief that they will prevail under any circumstances. During U.S. Navy SEAL training, new recruits learn that they can use the intense emotions and adrenaline that come from rage to give them energy when they face dangerous circumstances.
You can use this same strategy and use anger as the motivation to effectively advocate for yourself. Say you feel you deserve a promotion but have been scared to ask. Think to yourself: What would I do if I were the type of person who got angry about this? Or what would I suggest a friend do in this situation if I were angry on their behalf?
Most of us are raised to equate anger with out-of-control meltdowns. But this emotion is an important signal that something is wrong. And, harnessed effectively, it can give us the strength we need to make things right.
When we face chronic stress or trauma, our brain “rewires the rage circuits,” explains neuroscientist R. Douglas Fields. In other words, the sustained level of stress and fear you experience every day when you’re under pressure depletes your emotional resources, making you much more likely to get mad, even at minor provocations.
Our emotional outbursts can be upsetting, especially because we often receive messages that anger is harmful, irrational, and should be suppressed. But anger isn’t inherently bad (and suppressing it isn’t good for you or the people around you). In fact, if you know how to channel it, it can serve you. “Anger is pain’s bodyguard,” writes author David Kessler.
Take Pixar executive Brad Bird, who intentionally recruited frustrated animators to work on a new film because he believed they were more likely to change things for the better. The result? The Incredibles, a movie that broke box office records.
If you want to channel your anger in more positive ways, here are six things you can do.
Acknowledge that a violation took place.
We often try to immediately stamp out our feelings to avoid appearing upset. But if you’re hurt because of an unfair decision or made to feel unworthy because someone continuously excludes you (or worse), you’re allowed to feel unapologetically angry. Don’t immediately take your emotions out on another person, but acknowledge what you’re feeling. In fact, research shows that, when it’s justified, anger is a much healthier response than fear because it triggers feelings of certainty and control, which are less likely to lead to the adverse effects of stress like high blood pressure or high stress hormone secretion.
Even if the event that triggered your anger seems minor on the surface, the sparks that cause us to internally explode usually have kindling. For example, maybe the co-worker we mentioned earlier asking for a “quick favor” at the end of the day has a history of handing their work off to others or unnecessarily emailing during off-hours.
Avoid excessive venting.
Blowing off steam is not as productive as you might think, even though it’s long been presented as a cathartic activity. (Take, for example, the proliferation of “anger rooms,” where you can pay to smash TVs and dinner plates with a baseball bat.) Research shows that this type of “destruction therapy” causes your anger to escalate rather than diminish. Psychologist Brad J. Bushman studied people who used a punching bag to let out their anger, and found that “doing nothing at all was more effective” at diffusing rage.
Similarly, chronic venting, where you rehash the same problems without trying to understand or solve them, has also been shown to make both you and the people listening to you feel worse. One of our readers, Paula, told us, “I finally had to put a limit on how much I trash-talked with co-workers. I found that using the time to instead focus on how I could learn or improve made me feel a lot better.”
Identify the specific needs behind your emotion.
Research shows that focusing your attention on the need behind what you feel allows you to take a more objective, detached look at the situation — and to better protect your emotional well-being.
A few questions that might help you clarify the reason(s) you’re mad:
- What triggered my anger?
- What feelings are underneath my anger? Perhaps fear or powerlessness?
- What do I need to be okay right now?
- What longer-term outcome would make me feel better?
- What steps can I take towards that outcome?
- For each of those steps, what do I risk and what do I gain?
For many people, the emotion behind anger is fear. You might be afraid of being powerless or having something you care about taken away or go wrong. In fact, philosopher Martha Nussbaum even argues that the most common political emotion is fear, which politicians pray on to stoke anger and action.
If you can, talk about your emotions — without getting emotional.
We recommend first giving yourself time to calm down before you make any major moves. When we’re upset, we’re less able to think strategically. If your heart is racing or your fists are clenched, pause for a few minutes. Liz has learned to evaluate her anger on a scale from 1 (irritated) to 10 (enraged), and aims to wait until she’s settled down to a 3 or 4 before taking action.
If your anger was triggered by someone else’s anger, you may want to share how their actions affected you. To prepare for that conversation, clarify your goal, what you’d like to say, and when you’ll say it. This simple formula can be helpful: “When you_____, I feel _______.”
While we were leading a corporate workshop in early 2020, a woman asked what to do when her boss yelled at her. Another participant spoke up. “I’m an executive assistant, and my boss used to frequently yell at me, even when he wasn’t angry at me but was angry about something else,” she told the group. “It would make me flustered, and then frustrated that he was making me flustered. One day I finally said to him, ‘I know that you’re upset right now, but when you yell at me, I’m not able to focus on my work.’” Her boss apologized and realized that he was inadvertently hurting her performance. His outbursts became much less frequent.
If you can’t communicate your anger, indirectly address your needs.
Sometimes, you’ll have to face the ugly truth that you’re angry because of something you can’t change. In those instances, look for ways to remove yourself from the situation or, if you can’t walk away, to indirectly address your needs (e.g. by seeking out support from friends or a therapist).
Rachel, one of our readers we spoke with last year as part of our research, felt powerless in the face of a difficult boss, but couldn’t quit their job right away. “His unrealistic expectations and authoritarian leadership style left me in a constant cycle of stress and inadequacy,” they told us. Rachel started to take small steps to boost their self-confidence and feel more valued at work. First, they reduced how much they interacted with their boss. “I also built a network of mentors and colleagues who knew me and appreciated me in ways my boss didn’t,” they said. “That helped me prevent his feedback from sabotaging my self-worth.”
Channel your anger energy strategically.
For a long time, Rutgers professor Dr. Brittney Cooper thought she needed to be in control of her emotions to be respected — and to avoid being labeled as an “angry Black woman.” But that changed when one of her students told her, “I love to listen to you lecture because your lectures [are filled with…] the most eloquent rage.” The authenticity of Dr. Cooper’s emotion made her students pay attention. Now she thinks of anger as a superpower that can give Black women the strength to fight injustice.
Research backs Cooper up. If we tap into it, anger can actually increase our confidence and make us certain that we are capable and strong. Researchers found that people who are angry also hold the belief that they will prevail under any circumstances. During U.S. Navy SEAL training, new recruits learn that they can use the intense emotions and adrenaline that come from rage to give them energy when they face dangerous circumstances.
You can use this same strategy and use anger as the motivation to effectively advocate for yourself. Say you feel you deserve a promotion but have been scared to ask. Think to yourself: What would I do if I were the type of person who got angry about this? Or what would I suggest a friend do in this situation if I were angry on their behalf?
Most of us are raised to equate anger with out-of-control meltdowns. But this emotion is an important signal that something is wrong. And, harnessed effectively, it can give us the strength we need to make things right.