Now you know that's a classic joy and pain sentence. You be walking around with your chest sticking out.
.
Then then suddenly that reality kicks in that you married a ho. But your the biggest.
I just heard a good joke. Y'all got any?
- Thread starter CoTtOnMoUf
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Then then suddenly that reality kicks in that you married a ho. But your the biggest.
A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies. The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from West Virginia . This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentuckey huntin’ license, boy?” The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Kentucky duck. This duck’s from Tennessee. You got an Tennessee license?” The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said This ain’t no Tennessee duck. This here duck’s from Virginia. . You got a Virginia. huntin’ license?”
Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia. hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly “You have a license in all of these states... Just where the hell are you from? “The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said “You tell me, you’re the expert!!”
heard redfoxx tell this one a while ago
ba da boom .....
A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear. He carries his trusty 22-gauge rifle with him. After a while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A moment later, the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can rip your throat out and eat you, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I’ll fuck you up the ass.” The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers and bends over; and the bear does what he said he would do.
After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers and staggers back into town. He’s pretty mad. He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same bear, aims, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “You know what to do.”
Afterward, the hunter pulls up his trousers, crawls back into town, and buys a bazooka. Now he’s really mad. He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires. The force of the bazooka blast knocks him flat on his back. When the smoke clears, the bear is standing over him and says, “You’re not doing this for the hunting, are you?”
After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers and staggers back into town. He’s pretty mad. He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same bear, aims, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “You know what to do.”
Afterward, the hunter pulls up his trousers, crawls back into town, and buys a bazooka. Now he’s really mad. He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires. The force of the bazooka blast knocks him flat on his back. When the smoke clears, the bear is standing over him and says, “You’re not doing this for the hunting, are you?”
LMMFAO
3 senior men aged 70, 80, and 90 years are talking.
The 70 year old man says,"Man its rough every morning I wakes up every morning at 7:00 to go pee and and I just gets a few drops after shaking and dancing." Then the 80 year old man says,"Dude what's bad is I wakes up every morning at 8:00 needing to crap, but once I'm on the throne I'm pushing and sraining and sometmes barely gets a turd out." The 90 year old man responds,"Fellas: at 7:00 I pisses, at 8:00 I shits, and at 9:00 I wakes up."
The 70 year old man says,"Man its rough every morning I wakes up every morning at 7:00 to go pee and and I just gets a few drops after shaking and dancing." Then the 80 year old man says,"Dude what's bad is I wakes up every morning at 8:00 needing to crap, but once I'm on the throne I'm pushing and sraining and sometmes barely gets a turd out." The 90 year old man responds,"Fellas: at 7:00 I pisses, at 8:00 I shits, and at 9:00 I wakes up."
A customer ordered a cup of tea in a local tea shop.
So, a guy brought it for him but dipped his fingers in it.
The customer asked "Hey moron, why are you dipping your fingers in my tea?"
The boy replied, "My finger is injured and the doctor advised me to keep it warm."
The customer said, "Then shove it up your ass!"
Then the boy said, "Yeah, that's where I keep it when I am not carrying tea"
So, a guy brought it for him but dipped his fingers in it.
The customer asked "Hey moron, why are you dipping your fingers in my tea?"
The boy replied, "My finger is injured and the doctor advised me to keep it warm."
The customer said, "Then shove it up your ass!"
Then the boy said, "Yeah, that's where I keep it when I am not carrying tea"
Little Sally came home from school with a proud smile on her face. She told her mom, "Frankie Brown showed me his willy today." Before mom could raise a concern sally said, "It reminded me of a peanut..." With a secret smile mom asked, "Was it really that small?" Sally replied, "No... just salty!"
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
An American woman is sitting across from them.
The woman isn't paying attention to their conversation at first, but her attention is grabbed when she hears one of the men say the following:
Man: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
The American woman angrily says: "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," shouts the lady indignantly. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives."
Man: "Hey, coola down lady. Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella... ' Mississippi'."
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YOU MAY WANT TO READ THIS AGAIN !!
An American woman is sitting across from them.
The woman isn't paying attention to their conversation at first, but her attention is grabbed when she hears one of the men say the following:
Man: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
The American woman angrily says: "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," shouts the lady indignantly. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives."
Man: "Hey, coola down lady. Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella... ' Mississippi'."
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YOU MAY WANT TO READ THIS AGAIN !!
Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.
The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?" "I didn't have to," Steve replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady sneaked up behind me covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!
The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?" "I didn't have to," Steve replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady sneaked up behind me covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!
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WTF
This sound like some cuck shit.
I'm late af but this joke was basically the plot of an episode of
The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency on HBO
The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency on HBO
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Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he
had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.
He vowed to overcome
the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once
that something was seriously wrong. What's wrong, Bill she asked.
Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my
penis into the pickle slicer?
Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
Yes, I did he replied.
My God, Bill, what happened?
I got fired.
No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?
Oh...she got fired too.
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he
had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.
He vowed to overcome
the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once
that something was seriously wrong. What's wrong, Bill she asked.
Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my
penis into the pickle slicer?
Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
Yes, I did he replied.
My God, Bill, what happened?
I got fired.
No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?
Oh...she got fired too.
Lol
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella. 
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
He only comes once a year.
Yo momma so ugly,
her dildo went limp.
her dildo went limp.
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Cops in ATL are brutal. I was there last weekend and got pulled over for speeding on I-285. Don't go there if you don't absolutely have to. The penalties are insane. Cop wrote down my info and came back to to the car and gave me TWO tickets.
Falcons, 103 section. It was only speeding for God's sake.
Falcons, 103 section. It was only speeding for God's sake.
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A man broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for a hardened criminal.
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Canada just abandoned the metric system. They're about to be a literless nation