Female posters: How would you react to the request to sign a Prenup.

[Tazirai]

This is akin to saying that people who don't want to die shouldn't buy life insurance. A rational man, who has something to lose, will cover his ass irrespective of having nothing but the best intentions.

Real talk here.

 

[Tazirai]

I agree with that. I guess I'm different that way.

Why would I try to urge someone to marry me? But that's another thread.

I wish more women would be active about asking the due. But like you said it's a whole nother thread.
Strictly speakin I think a woman that asks a man to marry her would eventually see the dude as weak, since he shoulda took initiative.
No matter what strides women have made in their own independence, they want me to do most things first.

So i may ask you to marry me, but I will ask you to sign a pre-nup.

 

[femmenoire]

I just want to know why brothas are trippin about someone else's money, money that most of you don't have anyway.

 

[killacash]

I just want to know why brothas are trippin about someone else's money, money that most of you don't have anyway.

Well, gee.. that sounded hateful.. , damn near spiteful if I may add. Its for the sake of discussion.

 

[Spectrum]

I just want to know why brothas are trippin about someone else's money, money that most of you don't have anyway.

I do not think people are tripping about someone else's money. Actually figures have rarely been discussed in this thread. I think people are tripping out over the principles here.. in terms of men being taken advantage by this divorce courts. I personally am very well off and my net worth continues to grow yearly so it is something that crosses my mind. Even if a person do not manage to get into the top brackets of wealth, it should be a concern for any man considering the divorce rate if he does not want to end up living like an indentured servant. The reality of the matter is that If you have this wealth BEFORE you met this woman and especially if the marriage does not produce offspring, it should not matter if it is 5 dollars or 5 million dollars in your account, the women should not walk away with any of it.

I think you are focusing on the money. Money is just one aspect of this...how about all the time that was taken to acquire that wealth. Time is the only thing is that planet that you can not reproduce and that is effectively stolen from you when your assets are taken... all the years you put into acquiring that wealth is effectively negated with one order from a judge because of a scorned woman who in most cases has no legitimate claim on those assets. Then couple it with the divorce settlements that have continual alimony payments.. again..not just your money.. more of you time is being taken from you (the time you have to work to pay that specific debt because of the divorce settlement that could have otherwise been avoided with a prenup).

Femm.. these settlements are not typically a write a check and be done with it.. many men leave these situations financially ruined and never recover.

Ironically, I dont think about the hard cash that I would lose in such a situation. I think about all the years, risks, and struggles I have endured to get in this position. For someone to devote their lives and ambitions to something and become successful despite the difficult odds... and then for someone to walk away with your fruits of your mind, labor, and will after a couple of years and the desire to no longer be with your is just fucking criminal. In most cases, it is nothing but legalized robbery.

And when you look at divorce... over 75 percent of divorces are initiated by WOMEN according to most studies.. and I will be willing to bet the main motivation is the fact they can still own the resources of that particular man without actually being married to him because of the current lopsided nature of divorce proceedings.

 

[Dert Bagg]

I just want to know why brothas are trippin about someone else's money, money that most of you don't have anyway.

Cuz men are naturally salty about money in relationships. Thats how we get GOT. And this is regardless of whether or not the woman is schemin', its a loss either way. Whether it was one bad date or a failed year-long relationship, every man in here has (to some extent) registered the "cost" of that bad episode in terms of cold hard cash. (Even with all the ways that women are vulnerable to takin a "L" in a relationship, that usually is not among your primary concerns.) Naturally when it comes to our "security" in relationships, money becomes a concern even if we'd have to borrow a dollar to owe one.

 

[shanebp1978]

Ok. Seriously.

Here's the bottom line.

If your a man. Have assets. Hold it down. At whatever level. Period.

If you have some, WEALTH. And want to protect it, then involve yourself with a woman who is intelligent, cares about you, and has some HONOUR.

Understand love. It includes respect. You do not have to deal with all this stupid shit. Stop dating bitches.

Yes love changes. Life does also. All we hope and may not be. But if you feel the need for a pre-nup. You already know what will NOT be.

Get over it dudes, and act like a fucking man. If you need a pre-nup. Don't get married. Period.

No questions. No compiants. You get married, Go hard or go home.

 

[Dert Bagg]

^Thats nice rhetoric but it doesn't address any of the issues brought up in the thread. A pre-nuptial agreement need not be so controversial. What if it where just personal forms of marital amendment to be attached to the marriage license? Marriage has legal consequences, all pre-nups do is put the couple in charge of determining what they are, rather than the State.

 

[Spectrum]

^Thats nice rhetoric but it doesn't address any of the issues brought up in the thread. A pre-nuptial agreement need not be so controversial. What if it where just personal forms of marital amendment to be attached to the marriage license? Marriage has legal consequences, all pre-nups do is put the couple in charge of determining what they are, rather than the State.

 

[Legacyns]

fuck that. if you got bank and she doesn't, and she agrees to sign a prenup, then ain't shit wrong with that! it's just like buying insurance for your car, home, life. fuck that, you don't want your house to burn down, but you'd be a fool to not be prepared!

Real talk..

Folx don't expect to get in a car accident either but on top of insurance for the vehicle, folx also buckle up.

 

[DjMorpheus]

If you need a pre-nup. Don't get married. Period.

No questions. No compiants. You get married, Go hard or go home.

Nigga is U crazy?????????

What do niggas have against protection? If you don't protect what you have in this world then you will lose it.

Why is James Brown dead ass rottin up in da damn house right now?

Why is Ron Isley ass goin to prison?

Why MC Hammer ain't got no money no mo tryin to make gangsta rap record comebacks and shit?


Niggas don't PROTECT they shit!

Why is these crackas from America(our government) all up in these damn foreign countries wit they nose up in them folx business? They PROTECTIN THEY(America's) SHIT! How much is the defense budget? Is there a peace budget? Ok fuck it I'm digressin like a mufucka but the point is...PROTECT YO SHIT!

The marriage agreement is the peace treaty. The pre-nup is the predesignated sanctions and border outlines in case the peace break. You go into everything with the best of intentions but like everybody knows in this life, SHIT HAPPENS. And when it do it rolls downhill. You wanna be standin on top of the hill or you wanna be on the bottom lookin up at that "bitch" and her lawyer? It's a plethora of "bitches" walkin around right now that used to be known as "that woman I was madly in love with."


So the motto is NOT - If you need a pre-nup. Don't get married.

The motto is - If she won't sign the pre-nup. DON'T get married.

 

[BookerTee]

like the WU said on Chappelle's show: this ain't Trading Places, this is real mothafuckin life, protect ya goddam neck.

A prenup is not about leaving wife in the cold, it's about safeguarding pre-existing assets.

And prenups go both ways so its not an anti-female thing. You think these billionaire oil heiresses and Hearst(newspaper) and Johnson(body products) granddaughters don't have asset protection in place when they get married?

 

[NewyorkRealTalk]

The way I feel is what I came in with I should be able to leave with. It's mine. She keep whats hers. Don't get rich off me when we divorce..(if im rich whenever this happens)

 

[femmenoire]

I guess I feel that whatever I bring to the relationship, material or not, is ours.

If I was rich and married someone who wasn't, it is because I love that person and I would want that person to come up. If it didn't work out because of something I did, then he should be entitled to something based on his grievances. If it didn't work out because he broke his vows, I don't think he should be entitled to half but if I truly loved that person I wouldn't want him to go back to living the way he was living before. He would get broke off out of GP anyway.

Even if I am the one that broke my vows I wouldn't want that person to go back to living the way he did prior to meeting me. That's just hateful! It's just mean and cruel and probably shows you didn't have love for the person to begin with.

And if that's true, why get married?

Valerie Simpson met Nick Ashford when he was homeless. She fed him, clothed him and financed him. They had a beautiful career as a duo and a marriage. I'm sure they had their ups and downs but they are still together. That is what marriage is about.

 

[NewyorkRealTalk]

I honestly dont feel a need or want to get married. And to me if a female dont want to sign a prenup im instantly thinking..why you dont want to sign it?

 

[DjMorpheus]

I guess I feel that whatever I bring to the relationship, material or not, is ours.

If I was rich and married someone who wasn't, it is because I love that person and I would want that person to come up. If it didn't work out because of something I did, then he should be entitled to something based on his grievances. If it didn't work out because he broke his vows, I don't think he should be entitled to half but if I truly loved that person I wouldn't want him to go back to living the way he was living before. He would get broke off out of GP anyway.

Even if I am the one that broke my vows I wouldn't want that person to go back to living the way he did prior to meeting me. That's just hateful! It's just mean and cruel and probably shows you didn't have love for the person to begin with.

And if that's true, why get married?

Valerie Simpson met Nick Ashford when he was homeless. She fed him, clothed him and financed him. They had a beautiful career as a duo and a marriage. I'm sure they had their ups and downs but they are still together. That is what marriage is about.

So wassup? You wanna get married? I'm not homeless but would be EXTREMELY GRATEFUL if you fed, clothed and financed me. I promise to never file for divorce.

 

[Spectrum]

Even if I am the one that broke my vows I wouldn't want that person to go back to living the way he did prior to meeting me. That's just hateful! It's just mean and cruel and probably shows you didn't have love for the person to begin with.

And if that's true, why get married?

If a women was making 50k per year and had her own car and place to live BEFORE the marriage, why cant she return to that AFTER a divorce and not leave with another persons earnings...even if he is rich. What is EVIL about returning to that standard of living. You keep saying this is about love and not about materials things.. YET..you keep going back to the other person taking assets with them that they did not earn.

I cant even imagine how it would be HATEFUL, MEAN, and CRUEL to allow that person to return to whatever living standard they had before the two of you met. In the example of a person with a high net worth: why should a woman move up from middle class to wealthy for only being married to a wealthy man for a couple of years and they not longer decide to be together and get divorced. Why does she deserve it... just because she was lucky enough to convince a man who had wealth to marry her If the LOVE and relationship did not work out... Why should she take the assets with her... is it because women attach LOVE to resources. I am trying to understand your mentality on this because is currently is not making sense to me.

 

[BlackSmurf]

The modern capitalist attitudes of most people are not conducive to successful Marriages.

There is really no need for a long drawn out discussion.

MONEY>LOVE

 

[femmenoire]

If a women was making 50k per year and had her own car and place to live BEFORE the marriage, why cant she return to that AFTER a divorce and not leave with another persons earnings...even if he is rich. What is EVIL about returning to that standard of living. You keep saying this is about love and not about materials things.. YET..you keep going back to the other person taking assets with them that they did not earn.

I cant even imagine how it would be HATEFUL, MEAN, and CRUEL to allow that person to return to whatever living standard they had before the two of you met. In the example of a person with a high net worth: why should a woman move up from middle class to wealthy for only being married to a wealthy man for a couple of years and they not longer decide to be together and get divorced. Why does she deserve it... just because she was lucky enough to convince a man who had wealth to marry her If the LOVE and relationship did not work out... Why should she take the assets with her... is it because women attach LOVE to resources. I am trying to understand your mentality on this because is currently is not making sense to me.

What I am saying is that if I was rich and the man I fell in love was not, even if we got divorced, I wouldn't want him living the way he did prior to just on GP. Even if he is the one that stepped out on the marriage. If he broke every single one of his marriage vows, then I can see it. But if he only broke one, I just couldn't see myself doing that to a person I said I loved.

 

[BigUnc]

Me personnally I would never ask a woman to sign a prenup nor would I sign one myself. It's all about TRUST...right???

Some people are using the insurance analogy as a justification for demanding a future spouse to sign a prenup. Hmmmm??.....People have car insurance because they don't TRUST the mofo in the next car to maintain or drive his vehicle correctly. People have life insurance because they don't TRUST that fate,their God, or whatever, is gonna give them another day in this existence.

So having said that. Why would you what to marry someone you are saying you don't TRUST and why would you marry someone that is saying they don't TRUST you?????

 

[TRUFICTION]

Here, I think you're proving the pro pre-nup position. Getting up and leaving is not in the plan, nor is cheating if she "feels trapped". At least, not with that money she won't.

AGAIN I SAY
IF YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THAT DONT MARRY
IF HER COMMITMENT IS NOT THE SAME AS YOURS
DONT DO IT.
IF YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE THE TRUTH YOU WILL
IF YOU DONT YOULL NEED A PRE-NUP
I NOTICE THAT THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE THREAD
NOBODY EVER ADDRESSED WHY MOST MARRIAGES END.
ITS USUALLY INFIDELITY ON THE MAS PART.
WHO SHOULD PAY FOR THAT ?
DIVORCE HAS BECOME LIKE ABORTION HAS TO BIRTH CONTROL
IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR DOING THE RIGHT THING.

See previous reply. It should be obvious that if a believer can lie to god, they can certainly lie to you . . meaning misrepresent him/herself. Couldn't they?

IF YOU CANT SEE THROUGH THE BULLSHIT THEN I FEEL FOR YOU
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A CHICK TRY TO PLAY YOU AND
YOU REALIZED IT LATER ? YOU COULD HAVE SEEN IT SOONER IF YOU HAD JUST LOOKED AND ASKED QUESTIONS.
YOU SAW SOMTHING DIFFERENT WHEN YOU WERENT THINKING WITH YOUR DICK. SHE DIDNT CHANGE ...YOU DID.
THE SAME WAY YOU PROTECT YOUR MONEY YOU SHOULD GUARD AGAING GOLD DIGGIN HOES.
I NEVER ...EVER HAD A CHICK TRY TO COME AT ME ABOUT MONEY
MY THINKING IS .......
A GOLD DIGGER CAN SPOT A TRICK A MILE AWAY.
SO IF YOU NEED A PER-NUP THEN POSSIBLY YOU ARE A TRICK IN MANY WAYS AND SHE INTENDS TO EXPLOIT THAT LIKE HOES DO.

THE POINT IS IF YOU CANT BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND KNOW WHATS REAL HOW CAN YOU EXPECT FOR ANY WOMAN TO BE REAL WITH YOU
AND BE HONEST AS WELL.
IF YOU ALLOW THE LIES AND DECIET , EVEN IN THE SMALLEST INSTANCE
WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN ?

THE LIES WILL ONLY GET BIGGER AS TIME GOES ON.
SO IN ESSENCE YOU HAVE CREATED YOUR OWN FATE
AND YOUR OWN MONSTER.

SO WHOS FAULT IS IT IF YOU MARRY THIS
WOMAN UNDER THESE MOST COMMONLY OCCURING CIRCUMSTANCES ?
HERS OR YOURS ?
JUST DONT DO GET MARRIED.

You stated that you're not part of THIS generation. This is what THIS generation has to put up with. The rules you and YOUR wife live by fall on deaf ears out there today. So . . you can never be too sure.

THE REASON SHIT IS LIKE THAT IS BECAUSE
YOUNG HARD HEADS WONT LISTEN
WOMEN ACT THIS WAY BECAUSE YALL LET THEM.
THE NEXT GENERATION WILL BE EVEN WORSE.
ESPECIALLY WITH ALL THE SENSITIVE AND SOFT ASS, GRISTLE BACK,
BITCH TYPE NIGGAS IN THE WORLD NOW.

EVERYBODY IS TRYING TO EVEN THE PLAYING FIELD OF SOCIETY
REMEMBER WHEN YOU HAD WINNERS AND LOSERS ?
WHEN YOU ALLOW SHIT INTO THE GAME SO LOSERS CAN WIN
ITS YOUR OWN FAULT.

So again, why wouldn't a person, male or female, NOT guard against such potential subversions?

I DO NOT DISAGREE WITH YOU HERE
BUT I DO FIND IT DISSAPOINTING THAT A MAN
DOES NOT HAVE ENOUGH FORETHOUGHT AND INTEGRITY TO SEE THAT A CHICK IS NOT FOR HIM
BEFORE IT COMES TO HAVING TO GET A PRE-NUP.
MEN ARE WEAK NOW AND ACCEPT WAY TOO MUCH BULLSHIT FROM WOMEN
THATS WHY WOMEN ACT THE WAY THEY DO
CATS ARE PROUD TO SAY THEY PAY A BROADS BILLS AND PAY FOR PUSSY THEN WANT TO HOLLER PRE-NUP.
YALL BREED THIS BEHAVIOR.

Don't you OWN a business and a home, etc, etc? You can't disparage one for getting their economic act together, AND not expect to produce MORE . . THUGS can you?

IM NOT SURE WHAT YOUR GETTING AT HERE BUT
EVERYTHING HAS AN ORGIN,
EVOLUTION OF SOCIETY CREATES MANY THINGS
BUT THEY MANIFEST AND EVOLVE FROM SOMEWHERE
THEY DONT JUST POP UP.

ONLY if the pre-nup isn't worth the paper it's printed on. I believe the over arching point of a pre-nup is to NEVER actually experience the need for its' validity to be tested . . right?

AGREED.
DONT GET ME WRONG I AGREE THAT WHAT A MAN OR WOMAN BRINGS TO THE TABLE FROM DAY ONE SHOULD BE OFF LIMITS
IF IT COMES DOWN TO SEPERATION,
BUT I ALSO THINK PEOPLE DONT WORK HARD ENOUGH TO
KEEP WHAT THEIR MARRIAGES IN TACT.
PEOPLE USE DIVORCE AS A FORM OF SPEED DATING NOW AND THATS FUCKED UP....WHY DO IT
IF YOU ARE NOT READY AND ARE SCARED OF LOSING YOUR MONEY
JUST DONT DO IT.

Who's the selfish one in this scenario you envision?

Esp. if some crafty gold digger swipes it up! BUT these are some broad assumptions you made here, and I don't quite get why you of all folks would make them. A Pre-nup doesn't PREVENT or PRECLUDE ANYONE from being GENEROUS . . . . ALSO, if one were compelled to do so, say . . in ones twilight years to destroy it, they certainly COULD . . .couldn't they?

WHEN I SAY SELFISH
I MEAN THE TIME AT WHICH YOU REALIZE THERE ARE WAY MORE IMPORTANT THING IN AND ABOUT LIFE THAN TRYING TO
KEEP MONEY FROM SOMEONE YOURE SUPPOSED TO TRUST YOUR LIFE WITH.
IF YOU DONT TRUST THE WOMAN YOU MARRY WITH YOUR LIFE
GUESS WHAT ?
YOU SHOULDNT BE GETTING MARRIED.
YES IT CAN BE NULLIFIED IN THE FUTURE BUT I STILL SAY IF YOURE NOT SURE AND ARE THAT SCARED YOURE DOING IT FOR THE WRONG REASONS.

WHEN IT COMES TO GENEROSITY
YES YOU CAN DISPERSE YOUR MONEY HOWEVER YOU LIKE
BUT JUST CALL ME OLDSCHOOL BUT I WORK FOR MY KIDS
SO THEY CAN CONTINUE MY LEGACY AND HAVE A WAY INTO THE GAME
I AM TRYING TO BUILD WEALTH FOR THEM AND THEIR KIDS.

IF YOU LEAVE MONEY TO ANY CHILDREN FROM YOU THERE IS A WOMAN
IN THE PICTURE SOMEWHERE AND I GUARENTEE
YOU ARE DOING SOMETING TO SUPPORT HER OR THEM.
MAYBE NOT HALF BUT YOU ARE GONNA
PAY YOUR WAY BASED ON YOUR INCOME PRE-NUP OR NO PRE-NUP
IF THATS A PROBLEM...........DONT HAVE KIDS OR GET MARRIED.

Seems like you're making a strong case for a pre-nup. You sure you don't have one tucked away somewhere, while you giving these BGOL heads hell for wanting to protect their assets(at least hypothetically)?

As I see it, to ENSURE that the lives (let's use me as an example) I would be SUPPORTING, it WOULDN'T be in the PLANS for an act of subversion fuck up the very thing that ALLOWS me to continue to provide for the folks I care about. That means wills, and pre-nups and ALL that are on the table. We live in a very LITIGIOUS society . . . one can never be too sure.

AGAIN I AGREE
BUT PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE POINT IS IN GETTING OR BEING MARRIED
IF IT HAS TO BE TREATED AS A BUSINESS DEAL.
EVERYBODY SHOULD HAVE A WILL ....PERIOD.
WHAT KIND OF CONTRACT WILL WE COME UP WITH IN THE FUTURE
WHEN WE HAVE KIDS ?
SHITS GETTING OUT OF HAND AND NOBODY IS TAKING ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY

THE MISTAKE MEN MAKE IS THINKING THAT THE WOMEN TRICKED THEM,
I SAY BULLSHIT !
YOU TRICKED YOURSELF FOR LETTING A BROAD GET AT YOU LIKE THAT
SOME MEN ALLOW THE SHIT TO HAPPEN REPEATEDLY
BEEN IN TWO AND THREE SOMETIMES FOUR MARRIAGES.
HOW DUMB IS THAT ?

Umm, we certainly do bruh, we certainly do.

I for one appreciate what cosby said. I don't agree with his tactics. It was the move of a desperate man that cares. The other side of that coin is he did it to give sanction and relief to white attitudes toward the condition of the "black" community. (A whole separate thread).
Yeah, you went on a tear because although much of what you said is true regarding the state of the black family, it has next to nothing to do with a prenuptial agreement.

I DISAGREE
IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THE BLACK FAMILY
WHERE DO YOU THINK THE BLACK FAMILY COMES FROM ?
THE UNION OF TWO PEOPLE AS ONE TO BEGIN TO MAKE A FAMILY
TO RAISE CHILDREN TO BE RESPONSIBLE ADULTS
AND THE CYCLE CONTINUES
IF YOU CANT EVEN GET MARRIED WITHOUT THINKING YOURE SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY HOW DO YOU EXPECT FOR FAMILY TO CONTINUE
TO GROW AND TO AND SURVIVE ?

While I'm dismayed at the lack of integrity visited upon the INSTITUTION of marriage, the sobering reality leads me to the following conclusion. Tell me if I mis-represent the facts:

fact 1

Love is Love and marriage is a contract that legally recognizes the connection and unionship of the 2 parties to it. This "license" is many things, but certainly a document of record.

fact 2
Beyond love and the myriad things that illustrate it(as you articulated above) building a family and providing for it requires many resources; emotional, chronological(time), wisdom, and the endurance to support and stabilize said effort . . . . ongoingly. One COULD rely on the state, but most men and women agree on the necessity of MONEY to do so, marriage or not.


fact 3
This suggest that we live in a society where ones ability to survive, thrive and (if your hard work pays off well) experience joy & fulfillment is mostly related in direct proportion to ones' financial circumstances. A simple formula could be stated simply as effort(hard work) = benefit (money/compensation). yes or no?


If your answer to the last question is no(which I doubt you'd say), please explain by what means one is to live in a society where everyone seemingly has to work to "make a respectable living".

ALL POINTS ARE CORRECT.

hypothetical situation

Another question, and a scenario if you could oblige me: A young man commits a crime(let's say arson), gets busted and sent to prison for "rehabilitation". Upon release as a fully qualified adult (at least in age) he is then released. What is this mans fate?



Given the length and nature of the ailments to this failing institution (or rather that which is failing the institution) the rationale for marriage as opposed to co-habitation seems clear. In fact, a couple can have all the benefits of marriage, even legal name change to give the same outward appearance of the union. So again . . . why marriage?

I AGREE WITH THE FAILURE IN THE INSTITUTIONS
HOWEVER ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT A MISTAKE MADE BASED ON ONES STUPIDITY SHOULD NOT GO UNPUNISHED ?

IF YOURE NOT WILLING TO PUT IN THE WORK TO
HAVE A REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SPOUSE
OR NOT WILLING TO PUT IN THE WORK TO GET AN EDUCATION
YOU COULD EASILY END UP WITH A DEADBEAT WIFE
OR TIME IN JAIL ACCORDING TO YOUR SCENERIO.

IT HAS BECOME TOO CONVENIENT FOR PEOPLE TO PLACE BLAME EVERYWHERE EXCEPT ON THEMSELVES.

DESPITE POPULAR BELIEF IN MANY STATES
CO HABITATION DOES NOT EXEMPT ONE FROM
PALIMONEY AND OR PATERNITY
YOU COULD VERY EASILY MAKE SHIT EVEN WORSE BY DOING SO.

I feel you on the "state of the black family" and If you could address these specifically, It'll help me clear up some things this thread has produced.

JG

ONCE AGAIN ALL I AM ULTIMATELY SAYING IS
IF YOU FEAR LOSING WHAT YOU HAVE EARNED ...DONT DO IT.
I DONT THINK ITS WORTH IT.

SOME MEN ARE SMART ON MONEY AND DUMB ON PUSSY.
I GUESS THEY DO NEED PROTECTION

THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING ABOUT THIS WHOLE POST IS
MANY OF THE PEOPLE THAT ARE SAYING PROTECT YOURSELF
DONT HAVE SHIT AND WONT HAVE SHIT WHEN THEY DO MARRY ANYWAY.
SOME WILL NEVER HAVE ANYTHING AND MOST WILL NOT HAVE SHIT TIL THEY GET A WOMAN IN THEIR LIFE TO HELP THEM BUILD.

PLEASE BELIEVE SHE WILL GET HALF OF THAT LIKE IT OR NOT.

I HOPE I HAVE ANSWERED SOME OF THE QUESTIONS
ACTUALLY WE ARE NOT THAT FAR FROM THE SAME VIEWPOINT
I JUST SEE SHIT A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD.

 

[Spectrum]

What I am saying is that if I was rich and the man I fell in love was not, even if we got divorced, I wouldn't want him living the way he did prior to just on GP. Even if he is the one that stepped out on the marriage. If he broke every single one of his marriage vows, then I can see it. But if he only broke one, I just couldn't see myself doing that to a person I said I loved.

I guess that presupposes that the less financially fortunate mate was living in extreme poverty or something as I do not see the evil in the other person returning to their pre-marriage state.

 

[TRUFICTION]

The modern capitalist attitudes of most people are not conducive to successful Marriages.

There is really no need for a long drawn out discussion.

MONEY>LOVE

 

[femmenoire]

I guess that presupposes that the less financially fortunate mate was living in extreme poverty or something as I do not see the evil in the other person returning to their pre-marriage state.

So if Valerie Simpson divorced Nick Ashford, should he go back to being homeless since she is the one that pretty much helped him get his career? That's how she found him. Not a penny to his name and homeless.

 

[Spectrum]

TRU,

Without addressing all of your points in your replies to John Gault... I agree with what you are saying about the state of marriage in the first place.

However, I am talking about what happens during divorce proceedings and the lop-sided nature of divorce settlements. The system is broken and needs to be fixed and prenupts would not be necessary in the first place. I am trying to make the distinction between the non-tangible side of marriage (which you are addressing) and the real legal ramifications of marriage and divorce. The fact that divorces occur at such a high rate (regardless of the reasons) is justification for being prudent and planning for a what-if.

You are a businessman... and although marriage is a much different type of PARTNERSHIP because the purpose is to maintain and grow a loving relationship and produc a beautiful family (amongst many other things), the reality of the matter is that their is a legal partnership side that is aken to a business agreement. I also know you understand the striking similarities between being a business partnership and being in a marriage. I am not talking about the financial side of it. I am speaking on the trust, committment, will, shared goals, etc that comes into play There are legal ramifications and considering the lopsided nature of divorce settlements it should be taken into consideration.

Now in regards to the personal issues.... lack of communication, collective shared goals, support, fidelity concerns, self improvement, etc that goes into producing a happy relationship or a failed relationship.. much less a productive solid marriage.. is a completely different issue. I completely agree that people for the most part get married not only for many of the wrong reasons.. they do not propérly PLAN for marriage..and by that I mean financially, emotionally, psychologicially.. even philosophically... so most are bound to fail in the first place. It is probably the most important decision that anyone will ever make, but the lack of real discussion and planning is baffling to me when I talk to people.. and then they tell me about all the problem in their marriage.. and it all seems like very simple obvious shit they should have discussed during the start of the relationship anyone.. well before marriage was even on the horizon...but maybe that is just me.. i tend to very detailed think everything out...and cover all the angles..positive and negative.

However, I still do not think that prenuptial agreement should be ignored.

 

[TRUFICTION]

Waddup TF!!

What was the OOOG Bobby Johnson doing wrong?
I heard that nigga got licked for $400 M's.

That must be some MAJOR fuck up...

DIDNT HE MAKE THE MAJORITY OF THAT WHILE MARRIED TO HER?
NUFF SAID.
I HAVE A WOMAN THAT DOES MAJOR SHIT TO HELP ME GET MINE.
MOST GOOD WOMEN DO A LOT MORE TO ASSIST A MAN IN GETTING HIS
THAN THEY ARE OFTEN GIVEN CREDIT FOR.
SO I THINK SHE IS ENTITLED HER PART.

IF ANY MAN HAS A WOMAN THAT IS NOT DOING HER PART OR HER
AGREED UPON PART SHARE
THEN YOU ARE MARRIED TO THE WRONG WOMAN OR YOU SHOULDNT
HAVE DONT IT AT ALL.
THATS JUST ME.
I WOULD NEVER WIFE A LAZY BITCH.

 

[Dert Bagg]

I guess I feel that whatever I bring to the relationship, material or not, is ours.

If I was rich and married someone who wasn't, it is because I love that person and I would want that person to come up. If it didn't work out because of something I did, then he should be entitled to something based on his grievances. If it didn't work out because he broke his vows, I don't think he should be entitled to half but if I truly loved that person I wouldn't want him to go back to living the way he was living before. He would get broke off out of GP anyway.

Even if I am the one that broke my vows I wouldn't want that person to go back to living the way he did prior to meeting me. That's just hateful! It's just mean and cruel and probably shows you didn't have love for the person to begin with.

Femme, this could all be in your pre-nup. It really is just an agreement on how to treat one another in the event that the worst comes to pass and the relationship ends. The pre-nup airs all that out, which is a good thing. What he would expect and what you would expect. Then in a worst-case scenario, yall would just end up doing what you would have anyway, unless one of you gets vindictive...in which case, the value of the pre-nup becomes immediately evident.

 

[shanebp1978]

So the motto is NOT - If you need a pre-nup. Don't get married.

The motto is - If she won't sign the pre-nup. DON'T get married.

If I see the pain train comin why stand on the trax?

Is it her big yellow ass that got me blinded like deer meat on the road so much so, I'ma sit up there and have an inkling that this woman I want to spend the rest of life with might sack me? But I'ma still marry her?? What's the point?

Yeah shit happens. So you got a pre-nup. Well, guess you trusted her to be her.

i.e. . . . . why stand on the Track when you already see the train coming? You already knew.


Ok, sure, if you meet the wench in a payday loan parking lot. Act accordingly. Keep it prepaid.

Me, I'm not marrying a woman I need protection from. That is me protecting myself.

I dig what your saying, at your analogy.

This is simple how I personally feel.

 

[TRUFICTION]

TRU,

Without addressing all of your points in your replies to John Gault... I agree with what you are saying about the state of marriage in the first place.

However, I am talking about what happens during divorce proceedings and the lop-sided nature of divorce settlements. The system is broken and needs to be fixed and prenupts would not be necessary in the first place. I am trying to make the distinction between the non-tangible side of marriage (which you are addressing) and the real legal ramifications of marriage and divorce. The fact that divorces occur at such a high rate (regardless of the reasons) is justification for being prudent and planning for a what-if.

You are a businessman... and although marriage is a much different type of PARTNERSHIP because the purpose is to maintain and grow a loving relationship and produc a beautiful family (amongst many other things), the reality of the matter is that their is a legal partnership side that is aken to a business agreement. I also know you understand the striking similarities between being a business partnership and being in a marriage. I am not talking about the financial side of it. I am speaking on the trust, committment, will, shared goals, etc that comes into play There are legal ramifications and considering the lopsided nature of divorce settlements it should be taken into consideration.

Now in regards to the personal issues.... lack of communication, collective shared goals, support, fidelity concerns, self improvement, etc that goes into producing a happy relationship or a failed relationship.. much less a productive solid marriage.. is a completely different issue. I completely agree that people for the most part get married not only for many of the wrong reasons.. they do not propérly PLAN for marriage..and by that I mean financially, emotionally, psychologicially.. even philosophically... so most are bound to fail in the first place. It is probably the most important decision that anyone will ever make, but the lack of real discussion and planning is baffling to me when I talk to people.. and then they tell me about all the problem in their marriage.. and it all seems like very simple obvious shit they should have discussed during the start of the relationship anyone.. well before marriage was even on the horizon...but maybe that is just me.. i tend to very detailed think everything out...and cover all the angles..positive and negative.

However, I still do not think that prenuptial agreement should be ignored.

I AGREE WITH YOU
TOTALLY.
IM NOT COMPLETELY AGAINST IT
BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE ARE TOO DUMB TO KNOW
THEY HAVE A LEECH FOR A SPOUSE, THEREFORE THEY NEED THE LAW TO PROTECT THEM FROM THAT AND THEIR OWN STUPIDITY..

HOWEVER READING SOME OF THESE THREADS
I THINK SOME PEOPLE ASSUME WHEN YOU GET A PRE-NUP YOU ARE PROTECTED FROM WHAT IS MADE DURING THE MARRIAGE AND CHILD SUPPORT.
YOU WILL STILL GET HEAVILY TAXED , EVEN WITH A PRE-NUP.

USUALLY PEOPLE THAT GET MONEY ,
DIVORCE BECAUSE THE MONEY HAS A TENDANCY TO CHANGE PEOPLE
AND OR MAGNIFY THEIR FLAWS.

AT THE END OF THE DAY
99% OF THE PEOPLE HERE TALKING ALL THE PRE-NUP SHIT
WONT NEED ONE ANYWAY

 

[TRUFICTION]

If I see the pain train comin why stand on the trax?

Is it her big yellow ass that got me blinded like deer meat on the road so much so, I'ma sit up there and have an inkling that this woman I want to spend the rest of life with might sack me? But I'ma still marry her?? What's the point?

Yeah shit happens. So you got a pre-nup. Well, guess you trusted her to be her.

i.e. . . . . why stand on the Track when you already see the train coming? You already knew.


Ok, sure, if you meet the wench in a payday loan parking lot. Act accordingly. Keep it prepaid.

Me, I'm not marrying a woman I need protection from. That is me protecting myself.

I dig what your saying, at your analogy.

This is simple how I personally feel.

THATS ALL I BEEN SAYIN !

 

[BlackSmurf]

you are so pessimistic in every post I gotta stalk your font and brighten ya up kid

Optimists always confuse realism with pessimism but I am sorry the truth has to hurt you so... Here I will say this, you are cute and I dont mind if you stalk me and "brighten me up"! feel better now?

 

[Spectrum]

I AGREE WITH YOU
TOTALLY.
IM NOT COMPLETELY AGAINST IT
BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE ARE TOO DUMB TO KNOW
THEY HAVE A LEECH FOR A SPOUSE, THEREFORE THEY NEED THE LAW TO PROTECT THEM FROM THAT AND THEIR OWN STUPIDITY..

HOWEVER READING SOME OF THESE THREADS
I THINK SOME PEOPLE ASSUME WHEN YOU GET A PRE-NUP YOU ARE PROTECTED FROM WHAT IS MADE DURING THE MARRIAGE AND CHILD SUPPORT.
YOU WILL STILL GET HEAVILY TAXED , EVEN WITH A PRE-NUP.

USUALLY PEOPLE THAT GET MONEY ,
DIVORCE BECAUSE THE MONEY HAS A TENDANCY TO CHANGE PEOPLE
AND OR MAGNIFY THEIR FLAWS.

AT THE END OF THE DAY
99% OF THE PEOPLE HERE TALKING ALL THE PRE-NUP SHIT
WONT NEED ONE ANYWAY

I think your birth control vs abortion example was golden..it is a good analogy to look to compare some peoples approach to this issue. If they are would use a prenup to dismiss the responsibility of not only choosing wisely in terms of a spouse.. but also planning the marriage before the start of it in the first place.

However, considering that by most accounts, 70 percent of all divorces in the U.S. are initiated by the woman:

Here is one link for example.but there are many others that substantiate this claim
http://lists101.his.com/pipermail/smartmarriages/2004-May/001901.html

I think the fact that women stand some much to gain from the divorce proceedings gives them more of an incentive to end the marriage and file for divorce. I do not think this fact is a red herring considering that the percentage of divorce initiated by women in the U.S. is strikingly higher in the than the rest of the world and the U.S. also has the most lopsided divorce and settlement history in terms of being in favor of the woman.

Although this is a bandage on top of a much larger wound, I wonder how much that rate would plummet with either more equally developed divorce laws AND/OR a higher percentage of pre-nuptial agreements that protected the assets of the man.

Undeniably, most women do take a LARGE consideration into the resources that a man can provide when deciding to marry him regardless of their honesty in revealing it. Women and Men often have different standards by which they judge a spouse and women tend to lean more towards the resources that a man can bring to the table. Not calling it immoral or anything but this is all but a universal law of relationships for the most part. Considering that they can still have his resources WITHOUT staying married to him poses a real legal and psychological issue in the marriage process.

 

[John_Gault]

Me, I'm not marrying a woman I need protection from. That is me protecting myself.

After having combed this thread and looking at all the opinions and responses, I would hazard that most of what is said is agreeable. And that folks are disagreeing on really fine points, which seem as some mentioned, more about principal than anything else.

Ideally, marriage OR not, I'm GOING to spend my life with some someone.
AND OF COURSE, NO ONE WANTS TO BE WITH SOMEONE THEY NEED PROTECTION FROM.

TRUE or FALSE? Can you predict the future? I haven't been right about predicting the future to any significant degree, outside of my work.

You can't know what you don't know, IF you don't know that you don't know?

ALL relationships are based on the BELIEF that your people are who they represent themselves to be.

I've had friends that I've been cool with for 20 + plus years who did shit that ended all that history . . . because life HAPPENS. And money does not make it easier in a world where survival COULD mean YOUR pockets . . . Time and energy it takes to acquire wealth is TOOOO MUCH to leave up to mere CHANCE. If a woman really want to run the gauntlet of life with me . . . This'll be a non-issue and vice versa. LEGAL FICTIONS are not the true TEST.

Hell, I cut off my sister who did unexpectedly foul shit. I give a lot, that's my nature. But some DO take that shit for granted. It doesn't EVEN have to be a significant other.

Am I wrong? I doubt it.

JG

 

[BigUnc]

That is so sweet...no really! And this is probably less of an issue than we're making it out to be because usually people marry someone of similar economic status.

BUT in the case that there is a significant difference in income I would recommend you get one!

Look at it like this, you may trust your wife...but how much do you trust your EX-wife?

Appreciate your reply

I agree with what your saying that this is overblown to some degree

Your last statement is funny as hell nice one

 

[BigUnc]

one more thing MissLeadLuv have to stick to my position not to marry someone if you feel you need "protection" even if there is a considerable income disparity.

I would what my wife to share in the gains i've made even if it occurred before we meant. If stuff jumps off and things go bad I'll take my lumps ,man up, learn my lessons then move on. I"m confident enough in myself and my abilities to believe if I got the money once I can get it again. Thats just me other brothers obviously feel differently