Well...you...
don't pull on Superman's cape,
don't spit in to the wind,
don't pull the mask off the ol' lone ranger...
and you don't put cheese-ANY kind of cheese- on watermelon, Jim.
I have been to the mountain top, and dug beneath the valley. I have searched for wisdom, high and low,
for many many moons.
The secret to sweet, juicy watermelon acquisition:
You pays yo' money, you takes yo' chances.
Works (for me) about 65% of the time.