Things got worse, bruh... the devil was busy, let's just say that. I was seemingly attacked on every front that a man can be attacked on: family, love, financial.
It's going to be a long post. I got to get this shit off my chest.
Family
I had been working 2 jobs just to earn some extra money. Plus the chic was complaining about being in debt and I took it as a means for me to step up and help her out since I was in a good space. So my 2nd job i was getting off late at night, around 2am. Well one night I came in an hour or so early. My kids were here, and for some reason my daughter was acting weird. She kept coming out of her room, looking to see if I was asleep on the couch, asking questions, etc. This was strange for her because she's usually asleep by 11pm. So finally I go into my room at 3am to lay down for the night. Shortly after I hear my dog barking. I get up to see what his issue is and my daughter is at the front door. I'm like wtf are you doing, and she tells me she heard noises and wanted to look. I tell her that's my job, don't do that and go back to bed. She hugs me, goes back in her room. I am now curious about the noise so I check the ring camera and it's no noise but her letting her boyfriend out that she had snuck in while I was at work. I charge her up, tell her I'll talk to her in the morning about it. In the morning, she decides that the best way to deal with stress she has and getting caught is to attempt suicide. She takes about 30 500mg Tylenol and a few advil. Luckily I caught it, rushed her to the hospital, and after 2 nights there and multiple visits with a psychiatrist they released us. I'm glad to say she's fine now but to think that my last possible conversation with her could have been me yelling at her for having that boy in my home, it hurts. But we're good now and she's getting back to normal thank God.
Financial
A few days after this, we have a quality survey at work. I have a supervisor that is really good at her job, so I let her handle one section of the survey (which was typically her assigned duties) and I took care of everything else. I didn't check her work because she's usually on her game and hardly EVER slacks or makes mistakes. So imagine my surprise when we score low on the survey and it's in large part due to her section which failed miserably. The guy doing the survey assures us that it's normal to have a low score the first go round, but to make improvements he's notated and show progression when he comes back. We have a meeting with the customer to review the results and they're not too happy. My boss, the next day, calls and is going off, but I assure him I have a plan to get things right and lay out what I'm doing. Line for line, step for step I put it all out there. He calms down and is seemingly happy with my plan. He then says he needs my commitment to get this ship righted and I tell him I'm all in, 1000%. Shortly after, as I'm trying to provide progress updates he's no longer answering my emails, phone calls or texts. The following week i know he's coming to town and I'm expecting a written warning or unpaid suspension. Nope, he walks in and casually says with no remorse "I'm terminating you, effective immediately." So now I'm jobless and my daughter is now without insurance, which is bad because all of her therapy visits go thru my insurance. I don't put up much of a fight, I know that I'm just a casualty of war so to speak, and I walk out. Been unemployed since Sept. 3rd.
Relationship
So ole girl, she just is going about things as if i don't exist. She'll call or text every so often, but it's just small change conversations. About a week ago she called and was very apologetic, asking what she could do to help me with my job search and in any other way, and she also said she'd call or text more, do better with communication as she's now settled into her work schedule better. I tell her thank you and that more than anything she can just be there for me, as I'm pretty much a loner and don't have a strong support group around me. I didn't ask for money or anything, I just said please check on me, make sure I'm sane, I'm well, and I'm not being weighed down by all of these things going on all at once... because if I am I may do something stupid and, I don't want to think about that. She says she understands and that she'll do better. A week passes and she's not called one time and has only sent 5 text messages, each one being 3 words or less. At this point I'm taking this as a sign. Now I've given up on her and I'm not taking it well. We were supposed to get married. I still have the ring and all. I had planned out how I was going to propose, where I would do it, everything. Had to cancel all of that shit and now it's just me and my dog most days, unless my kids come over.
This all happened in 3 months, from July to September. I'm hurting to be honest, but I can't let that shit show to anyone. My bills are paid thru December, and I still have that little part time job so I pick up more shifts there and that gives me money to pay any bill that pops up unexpectedly... still, I look back on this last year and how fast and how far I've fallen, it's a wonder I haven't attempted to hurt myself. Now, I just stay to myself. I don't talk to anyone because I don't trust people after this. I rarely return text messages or phone calls, and I can't really afford to go places or do anything. It got so bad my sister had the police do a wellness check because I didn't return her calls. I cry way more than normal, and it's so random that I will have to stop everything or go into my room away from my kids when it starts.
I don't think I've ever been this broken in my life. And I have no clue how to fix it.
